Both having fun and hanging with friends became more important, and spending time with my family or doing my homework became superfluous.
I am writing a personal narravtive for Compostion. These are my problems with the sentance that need to be solved:
- I really lke the word "superfluous", but I am not sure if I have used it correctly.
- Is it parallel? Its really important because it is emphisized in the grading.
-Am I using unnecssary or forgeting necessary commas? This also is very important.
Ten points to the best answer. NOT COPY-PASTED!
2006-09-20 13:01:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
I meant to put this under homework help....sorry.
2006-09-20 13:02:15 · update #1
the comma is in the correct place, it isn't that long of a sentence that makes you lose your breath, which is good, and superfluous is right if you think spending time with your family your doing your homework is unnecessary, the only thing i suggest is to not use the word both to start the sentence.
2006-09-20 13:06:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't need to say "both" - it is obvious that having fun and hanging with friends are two different things.
"Hanging with friends" is going to be a bugaboo for some teachers, who will mark it as incorrect, overlooking its colloquial use and expecting it to say "hanging OUT or AROUND with friends" - beware the square.
So the best way to write this would be:
Having fun and hanging around with friends became more important, and spending time with my family or doing homework became...
You're right. "Superfluous" doesn't seem right here. Technically it is correct, but it stands out like a sore thumb in this sentence.
...spending time with my family or doing homework became less important.
That balances nicely with the more important in the first part of the sentence - makes it more parallel.
2006-09-20 20:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this ---
Having fun and hanging with friends became more important, while spending time with my family and doing my homework became superfluous.
Just a bit more concise and easier to read.
Actually - you could even do away with the "my" in the second phrase.
I like this even better:
Having fun and hanging with friends became more important, while family and homework became superfluous.
P.S. -- nothing wrong with "superfluous"...but I do agree that you could say it in other ways. I like the word too and, to me, it creates a definite mood --- more so than merely saying "less important"... Perhaps what you need is a stonger way to express the importance of fun and friends.
2006-09-20 20:09:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds strange...
maybe shorten/simplify?
having fun and hanging out with friends became important to me, while spending time with family and doing homework became superfluous
2006-09-20 20:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by rabidcrayon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
-superfluous doesn't fit there; you want something like "trivial"
-I don't think you need the "both" at the beginning of sentence.
other than that, seems fine
2006-09-20 20:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by yofatcat1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word sentence is spelled incorrectly. It's not spelled sentance. Your spelling and punctuation need help.
2006-09-20 20:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by J P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First I want to let you know that sentance.. is actually spelled sentence. In fact you've spelled a few things wrong. You need an English tutor.
2006-09-20 20:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
So far "Free your Fancy has the best answer. Just go with her example.
2006-09-20 20:15:37 · answer #8 · answered by c 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Who cares? You should quit school and hang out with your friends more.
2006-09-20 20:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by mccauley4u 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
yes its fine
2006-09-20 20:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by tmangel 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋