It's tentatively called "Look Away".
Look Away
Trapped again, suffocating
In a world that’s deprecating
Pillows meant for crying into
Doors meant to run through
Disappearing out of sight
Blending in, camouflage keeps me safe
In this twisted, muddled place
Standing out is not a choice
When you hardly have a voice
Even when you scream
Look away, there’s nothing to be seen
In a girl who lives behind a screen
Removed and distant from your world
A stranger, who’s shy when you are bold
Because she can’t seem to speak
Whispered insults haunt me as I sleep
Motionless, until I take the leap
And start another day
No matter what they say
I’ll keep trying.
2006-09-20 12:20:35 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It's not about me exactly, more a combination of myself (my shyness, even though I'm not "in a shell") and a few people I know.
2006-09-20 12:30:51 · update #1
Also, I write quite a lot. Like most of my poems, this was the product of a certain mood. In this case, feeling removed from the world.
2006-09-20 12:31:53 · update #2
In the first stanza, when I said "Doors meant to run through" I meant to say "Doors meant for me to run through."
Sorry.
2006-09-20 12:36:59 · update #3
I like your poem. The words flow nicely and it makes you want to keep reading to see how it ends up. I like the way it does end up, "I'll keep trying."
2006-09-20 12:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sunnidaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak up, let people know how you are feeling, hiding things inside will only make things worse. Life is too short to be in a shell. The peom is nice, but if the peom is about you take my advice. Enjoy life, there people who died, who would like to have the chance you have now, and thats to live, take a advantage of it!!!
2006-09-20 19:24:55 · answer #2 · answered by Diamond D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ooh I like it. Especially the first stanza where you set the tone for the poem.
Good word choice for the most part.
2006-09-20 19:35:15 · answer #3 · answered by Craaaazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems small and under-experienced. It doesn't involve me where I live. This is probably not the best place to get good criticism on a sincere poem because I am not a sincere poet-taster.
2006-09-20 19:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its good, you should submit it to poetry.com. It feels like im reading an Edgar Alllen Poe poem.
2006-09-20 19:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by daydream♥believer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Good fealings involved that are ignored by a lot. It speaks a lot about your personality. Take care love!
2006-09-20 19:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mitchell B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice writing.
2006-09-20 19:23:35 · answer #7 · answered by Karen W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad, but in the end it's a good message. Don't give up hope!
I like.
2006-09-20 19:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by karen g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was beautiful it really spoke to me you a great poet keep up the good writing.looking forward to reading more of ur great poetry go to my favorite website if you want to post all your poetry and enter to win poetry contests at www.poetry.com
sicerely, one poet to another
2006-09-20 19:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by sweetthing1986_us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the message,
Keep trying, and keep writing.
2006-09-20 19:25:48 · answer #10 · answered by trinitybelwoodspark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋