Can I tell you about my husband and you tell me what you think?

Question

I am married 3 years and we have a baby boy. I have an older son whom I raised & supported by myself as his dad was cheating with a stripper & I divorced him when was a year old. I always worked, payed the bills, took good care of my son & his dad moved to another state never to be seen or heard from again. I know the heartache of raising a little boy alone & I don't want to repeat that with this baby. My husband lies all the time now. He will not let me handle the finances. I am not working now because I have epilepsy & my seizures have been terrible for the past year. Husband has 13 years of sobriety in AA & goes to all these speaking engagements to talk about himself & tell others how to live & everyone claps for him. Meanwhile, he is not paying the bills or paying them when shut-off notice comes, spends a fortune on the lottery. The house we are renting was sold & we will have to move, he says nothing to worry about. I am sick with worry, need advice please.

Answer 1

Whoa! You sure ended up with another real winner, didn't you? There is lots of good advice given by others here already.

It sounds to me like your hubby is loaded with problems, and, as Dr. Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge!" So, since your hubby sees no problem with your current situation, he's not going to be the one to change. Which means you'll have to do the changing. You already know that you are capable of taking care of your self and one child. Now, you'll have to do it with two. Start planning now how you are going to do it! Go to the Women, Infants and Children (WIC) office - probably at your local health department, and line up some help from them for when you leave. They should be able to name some other agencies and organizations that can give you more help, too.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi, i am so sorry to read about your situation it really hit home. I too went through the same thing many years ago, my first marriage, i was very young as he was also, we had a son who has only seen his biological father maybe 3 times i am not sure my son is now 39 yrs old. I did the same thing i took care of everything, my son, our home, the bills that is when i had the money when he decided to work now and then. I went out and got a job and my mother God Bless her watched my son while i worked, but it became very hard for her because her health was not very good so i had to quit the job and go on welfare, i left him and got an efficiency apartment. He cheated he drank, he gambled. I left. Please do the same. Do not live your life like that, he will not change this is my belief i could be wrong but i don't think so. I don't know your age, although it really doesn't matter, but don't waste the rest of your life with this waste of a person. Make a better life for yourself and your child. Don't let your child get older and see this, plus children learn what they live. Live your life, don't be sad, be happy get rid of him he is no good to you or your child, and believe me he is not even good for himself. Go ! You say you are sick with worry........What's wrong with this picture? If you have worries when you go out on your own i am sure they will never be anything like you are experiencing now because you are obviously a strong person and survivor. Again, please just Go! Oh and one more thing, i am sure that your seizures have been so bad because of anxiety. Don't make yourself sick, don't put yourself through this hell. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

YOU need help, psychological help to help you deal with your present predicament and the poor choices you've made in your life. You should SERIOUSLY consider this. This is serious.

Put your emotions aside and use your logic. Those AA speaking engagements are OK but he has NOT recognized that he has an addictive PERSONALITY and he has replaced alcoholism with gambling, that's all. WHAT are you gong to do?

He's going to piss his money away and YOU are also going to be holding the bag for the scumbag that he is if he craps out on you and disappears. What are you going to do?

YOU will either have to pay the bills or have the utilities or whatever else is shut off. HE needs a swift kick in the a s s to get wake him up. He is just an irresponsible addict to alcohol and now addicted to gambling! What are you going to do?

Get help before you find yourself out in the street with hm (or alone with the kids looking for a shelter with space for you and the kids). You need to find somewhere to move to and you need to do it before you are evicted. WHAT are you going to do? Do you want to find yourself out in the street? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

Answer 4

Nobody can stay miserable for long. You need to make it very clear that your husband is working hard for a divorce. Some things are not excusable, such as not providing a stable home for the family in favor of a gambling habit. You need to put your foot down for compromise ( sounds like an oxymoron doesnt it?) and steer this marriage where you both can live with it.

Answer 5

You have to go to the people in charge of the AA meetings and explain to him that he is using lottery/gambling in place of alcoholism.
People shouldn't be proud of him; to stop one addiction, he started another to take his mind off of that one. That doesn't make him a good role model for anyone else.
If he insists thing are alright to you, then you need to get a counselor from the AA program to speak to him about his addiction with gambling. He has to realize that gambling is just as big of an issue as alcoholism and if he won't take advice from you hopefully he will from a professional.

Answer 6

first of all u need to know when you had enough with the money thing i found out people wants to hide money to horde or to hide a secret they have if he's lies its time to step back and take a good look at your life do u want to stay in this lifestyle or a better one for your children. church is a good start . i know when i went through my divorces it was a good place to find myself my question for u is are u ready for a change ? Good luck i hope u find happiness

Answer 7

Get out while you can. There are other ways to live rather with someone that lets bills go unpaid and other finances go to get a little piece of the lottery

Answer 8

Now it is humorous!! A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker have been arguing approximately which place had the toughest wood. The Hawaii woodpecker mentioned Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could %.. The California woodpecker usual his project, and immediately pecked a hollow in the tree without concern. The Hawaiian woodpecker replaced into in awe. The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to %. a tree in California that replaced into rather unpeckable. The Hawaii woodpecker expressed self belief he could do it, so usual the project. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker effectively pecked the tree without concern. So the two woodpeckers have been now puzzled. How is it that the Californian woodpecker replaced into waiting to %. the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker replaced into waiting to %. the Californian tree, bu t ; neither one replaced into waiting to %. the tree of their very own state? After plenty woodpecker-thinking, they the two got here to the comparable end... Your pecker is often greater durable once you're remote from homestead.

Answer 9

If you don't trust your husband, it is probably better to move on while you have a chance. I suppose it depends how old you are, but in most marriage s, after initial infatuation weakens, you have a person that you want to be able to be friends with and rely upon. Sounds like your husband does not fit either category...

Answer 10

I don't know if you are a christian, for your epilepsy, you need to fast and pray, and for your husband, you guys need to have a serous talk about everything before you make any decision about your marriage. Hope things work out for you, take care and good luck.