I still love them but we disagree entirely on how children should be raised. Is it possible to be with someone and not take on the role of a stepmom? Can't I just be their friend and work on my own projects?
2006-09-20 10:59:10 · 13 answers · asked by roci 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You guys asked for details so here it goes. Their dad is moody and his discipline reflects his moods. So he's inconsistent and bossy and sometimes just plain mean. We even disagree on what yelling is. I think he yells too much but according to him this is his authoritative voice. So now the boys are learning to yell and be negative rather than rational and use their words the way I think problems should be dealt with. But its not just me. They get in trouble at school, their family won't watch them. They've even made me cry because they are so bad. And my ex agrees with me that somethings not working and has tried different things... like patience and communication. But that only lasts about a week and then things are back to normal. I just got tired of trying. But I still love them. BUT I don't have the authority to force change.
2006-09-20 11:45:30 · update #1
And he doesn't have full custody. So the kids have their two parents... on different days.
2006-09-20 12:43:52 · update #2
Unfortunately no. His kids are a major part of his life, and if you're going to be in his life, then they will be in your life. If you can't handle it with them driving you crazy, then it's best for all if you don't get involved again. He's your ex for a reason - let him remain one. :)
2006-09-20 11:02:10 · answer #1 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Look I'm a single father so let me tell u where my heart is concerning ur dilema. I found myself in just that situation a few years ago with my ex-grilfriend.Being their friend is cool, but when dad is at work or out of town on business who is going to be in charge? The oldest kidd? Think back to when u were that childs age,how responsible where u?Someone has got to be the adult.Children look up to us to teach them how to get along in life.Which means benig a dicplinarian,mentor,teacher, and a whole host of things but the last thing a child needs is an adult as a best buddy. Personally I think that u need to take a long hard look at ur sellf ! Sounds like u are really being selfish. U want the man but not the kidds. Honey it's a package deal all or nothing. He knows how he wants to raise his children and the values that he wants instilled in them. Remember they are His children. He must be a "Pretty Good Guy" to get custody in the first place. That I know from experience! The courts don't make it easy on us Dads. When it comes to raising kidds u either agree or the kidds really get screwed up and the relationship goes south EVERYBODY LOOSES EVERYBODY GETS HURT MOST OF ALL THE KIIDS END UP BLAIMING THEMSELVES!!! Right know the way I see it they are damn lucky because the get to choose one of their parents I sure pray that they dont choose u.It would be a tradgety!!!
2006-09-20 18:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by craig m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you plan to have a serious relationship with this man, you need to play the role of "MOM". You can't possibly expect to be with him and think the children will not affect your life - as if you are just a friend. They will never respect you as anything other than that and if something comes up - where you will have to voice your opinion - what weight will it hold? You are just dads "friend". If you and your ex are going to get together again - you have to talk about this up front before you actually make a move to be thgether. He ca't raise them alone and believe me - you will not want to just stand in the shadows while he decides how they are raised. I know because I deal with this in my relationship with my husband... and if you love them - you want to voice what you feel is best for them cause you wouldn't want them to run into a brick wall based on dad's view of how they should be raised. He needs to have an open mind....
2006-09-20 18:15:27 · answer #3 · answered by Myzz Undastood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know he had kids when you met???? Do you have children?
If you are an adult living in the home you automatically become a step-parent. If your not willing to accept that role-then move out. You can still date, just don't live together. Or deal with it-don't ask him to make a choice between you and his kids. Maybe give helpful advice, or helpful hints on how you believe children should be raised. Just remember, there isn't only one way to raise kids....,.
2006-09-20 18:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by dmkharleychic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, thats a tough one..If you are asking if you can be their "friend" and not be invloved in their life--Thats not possible. The truth is that when children make mistakes or have problems--it will ALWAYS fall on the parents & step-parents to pick up the pieces. What if they get pregnant or get someone pregnant?---do you think you'll simply be working on "side projects" while your husband takes care of the mess? Heck No. YOU"LL be on the they call to babysit, take them to the doctors, pick the kids up from school--etc..Whatever wrong happens to them--You will have to be there to clean up the mess...I am curious to know how you and your man differ--does he spank them and you dont? What is the problem?
Anyway--if you feel the kids are out of control and they take away your Peace of Mind--then you need to realize that the rest of your life could be like that. And, Of course your ex wants to get back together--they always do!..But how was he acting BEFORE you left him?--Thats the way he will CONTINUE to act if you get together..And if you get back with him, you'll probably just get pregnant and be trapped living that life with all those kids...This all sounds like "BabyDaddy Drama" to me. I would see if the Good Lord had someone else out there for me--with less baggage and less drama...Peace
2006-09-20 18:12:43 · answer #5 · answered by Plus-Sized &Proud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best choice is to keep the friendship cause if you disagree on the raring of children to begin with nothing is going to change there. Leaving that issue at the top of the list. Second u broke up with him for some reason and it's not cause the kids drive u crazy. Be honest with yourself before u have regrets you could prevent now. Don't forget children are involved and they don't need your issues along with their fathers disagreements, brought into a relationship that they may find confusing to begin with. Honestly cause it's confusing to me.
GOD BLESS
2006-09-20 18:09:25 · answer #6 · answered by precious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is possible. If the ex agrees with this, spend time with the kids in friendship only. When they start to get on your nerves, it's time for them to go back home.
2006-09-20 18:16:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not? Just make sure you share that with your ex. Tell him that you'd prefer to stay out of the role of stepmom this time, preferring rather to be their friend. I suspect that stress was part of your last breakup.
2006-09-20 18:05:12 · answer #8 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope---you are part of the children's life if you are in it---sorry went through the same thing and my kids wanted to be with my boyfriend and he did kind of the same and they despise him now--they feel he has no validation in their life---help your ex. talk with him--try to discuss each others feelings and reasonings--maybe just maybe you can come to an agreement. Just remember you are in their life--Good Luck
2006-09-20 18:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by THTH 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you shouldnt get back to with, i think the differences that you 2 have about kids will get in the way and cause problems. i mean you both have your own beliefs
2006-09-20 18:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by imHereAskMe 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋