My boyfriend has recently asked for time alone, for time to think as we had an argument about our relationship and our future. I never realised that it could be such a big deal when I ask him a simple question like whether he sees in me in the future. He told me he feels under pressure. He has not been in contact with me for the last 2 weeks, what should I do? I don't understand why men need time alone and time to think? Does he not love me anymore and does not want to be with me? I have been worrying that I might loose him. All of my friends keep telling me not to contact him but why has he been silent all this time? Please explain to me his behaviour.. Have I messed it up?
2006-09-20 10:37:51 · 15 answers · asked by violet b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men are no different than us women,,,, we need that quiet time, to ourselves,,,, for different reasons. Has nothing to do with love or not love,, just need the space..........
2006-09-20 10:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by avery 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say what's going on here without knowing the people involved. From my personal experience, I'm guessing that he's leaning towards not wanting to be with you. Perhaps you ARE pressuring him, and moving too fast for his taste. I don't know how long you guys have been together, but I do tend to think that if after a certain time period the other person is still "not sure" - they never will be; I would be willing to give about a year, but if after that I don't feel the relationship is moving in the right direction, I'd have to conclude that it was time to look elsewhere.
Your friends are right about not contacting him. Whatever the reason is that he's giving you a silent treatment - mind games, control, enjoying peace and quiet - it will only make things worse if you start bugging him. Take this time to think things over yourself; is he really the person you want to be with? Even if he doesn't want to be with you to the same degree? Uncertainty can be awful, I agree. It may very well be that to him it's a cowardly way to break up with you. Give it some time, but not too much; determine for yourself that if he doesn't contact you within, say, a month - the relationship is off. I would probably write a carefully worded e-mail to him at this point, short and sweet, letting him know that it's over, no hard feelings. Then, chalk it up to experience, and move on.
2006-09-20 11:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You asked him if he sees you in his future...then he disappears ??? Honey your answer is staring you right in the face. He cut out...he does not see you in the future or in the here & now! Don't contact him ---men run when they feel they're being chased. The best thing you can do is start dating asap ! when he finds out you've moved on he'll either contact you because he does want a future with you or continue to stay disengaged from you. Be glad you found out now what a wimp he is. You don't have to worry about loosing him--- he's gone and his actions are telling you that you "never" really had him the way you thought you did. You haven't messed up. You simply stated you wanted , / needed to know if you guys were on the same page. His actions have clearly said you are not. Let the dog go. Months from now you'll wonder why you worried about it so much as you share happy times with your new guy!
2006-09-20 13:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by Brains & Beauty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't blame yourself. You probably didn't "mess it up".
Give him the space he is asking for and give yourself some space as well. Live your life in the meantime, try to reach out and spend more time with friends. Don't sit around alone thinking or obsessing about him and what you might have done wrong.
Accept the fact that yes, you might lose him, and it'll hurt like hell if you do; believe me, I've been there recently. But if you don't give him some space and relieve some pressure, you will almost certainly lose him. So your best chance is to back off and try to be strong.
Don't call him or text him or anything. Sorry girl. It sucks but you gotta be strong. I know just how you feel, and if I could, I'd hug you and tell you to hang in there :)
Write me if you need to.
2006-09-20 10:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by CKApple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be asking for time alone to contemplate his answer to you. Often women force a man to give an answer to a long term effecting answer - like are we going to get married? Well as we all know women ask questions with a raised eyebrow and expect a certain response and get very mad when they don't get the answer they desire. By asking for some time alone he clearly has doubts about your relationship, or else you wouldn't fight over it. If it has been two weeks you should try and contact him and just say you want to know where you are at and you want to listen to what he wants to say (and are not demanding a cookie cutter response).
2006-09-21 06:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Christopher McGregor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked him a perfectly honest question and I don't really think he should have gotten angry over it. Some men are just grossly afraid of commitment. I'm not and never have been, but alot of guys are. If you want to call him, then call him. If he's ignored you for two weeks then I'm afraid it's a bad sign. He may not be a guy that's willing to commit to a serious relationship. Regardless, you didn't mess anything up by asking the question.
2006-09-20 10:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by taskr36 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend can't answer such a simple question, are you expecting him to answer far more complicated questions?
Do not mix love and sex. Sex is a matter of minutes, love is a matter of years. For a few minutes of sex, don't jeopardise your future. And your friends are right. Don't call him. If he comes back, before even kissing him, ask him if he came back for having sex or for resolving the question you asked x weeks ago.
2006-09-20 10:50:46 · answer #7 · answered by komal s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guys need time to analyze and examine things to an infinite degree ... we think linearly .. all our "ducks" have to line up when we are about to make a major decision, that may take some time ... however, the first thing you need to do is stop listening to your friends for advice on YOUR relationship .. follow your heart and call him if you want to ... they have nothing to lose whether their advice is good or bad ... keep your lines of communication open with your bf ... and trust your instincts ... but dont pressure him for an answer, you will get one when he is ready.
2006-09-20 10:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think you were doing something wrong-that is what he probably want you to think-you have a right to know if he will be long term of short term. If you have not spoken or seen him in two weeks that is a sign that he does not want anything to do with you long term or commitment wise-I hate to tell you but you rather here the truth then lies....Write me if you want to chat about it....
2006-09-20 11:00:30 · answer #9 · answered by Blue Bear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha! Two weeks!!!
He doesn't need time to think. He needs time to make an escape.
Sorry baby...but two weeks is rather long. If I were you I'd stop lying around pining away for love lost and making yourself look more foolish than you do (by a week and a half I may add) and end this comedy right now.
Of course if you don't I'll keep my eye out for your next love-lorn question when he screws you over harder next time.
2006-09-20 10:41:21 · answer #10 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men don't like to be pressured or pushed.... he is running scared...but I do agree that 2 weeks has been long enough for him to make a decision and give you an answer.
2006-09-20 10:49:16 · answer #11 · answered by shortfrog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋