I have physical custody of my 12 year old (always been that way) and I receive $791.00 a month from my ex. He is expecting a baby with his girlfriend and he is pressuring me into signing over custody of our son to him and stopping child support now that my son goes to a school in his district (we only live 30 minutes away from each other). I think the pressure is coming from the fact that he is having a baby. I am scarded to do any of this as he will move my child away from me because obviously the next step is him and his girlfriend consolidating households.
Points to help with advice :
With the $791.00 I was paying private school tuition since kindergarten between $300-$528.00 per month. I did so willingly it was never stated that I ever had to do this. His case is I have no need for the support now that he is in public school.
He says he can save for our son. As if I can't do that.
When I was also in the work force full-time I didn't take any child support from him.
2006-09-20 09:46:08 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DO NOT SIGN OVER CUSTODY TO YOUR EX! Your ex is obviously feeling money pressure with the coming of new baby. I'm sure his girflfriend may have talked your ex into this because she probably sees your son as not only a money saver, (no more child support payments), but also a helping hand around the house now that they have a new baby. You and your son having been doing great all this time-especially the joy of having your son with you. I assume the child support you receive is court ordered, and if so, it doesn't matter what your ex tells you. It's not up to your ex as to how you use the child support payments he makes to you, whether it's used towards private school payments or not. Your ex is obligated to pay child support, and again I'm assuming it's court ordered, you should not change a thing now because your ex needs the extra money. Your ex is only concerned about the money! Think about it, after all this time, he never aksed for custody of your son until now-now that there will be more expenditures with a new baby! Do not let him pressure you anymore. The bondage you and your son have formed all these years will be traumatic if you give your ex custody of your son. If your scared about giving your ex custody, maybe it's your intuition telling you not to do it! DON'T DO IT! Tell your ex to take on an extra job if he's feels money pressures! His money problems with his new family are not your problems!
2006-09-20 10:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by metalgods 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your ex is worried about money and is hoping that if he gets custody you will have to pay him child support, which is what would happen. Don't give up custody. Most children are legally able to choose where they want to live at age 14. Let your son decide then. You're ex can't stop child support unless he wants the law on him. And child support will count his new baby as a dependant and take it out of the child support he is paying, so it will be less. Child support is not just for tuition, it's for every aspect of the childs life.
2006-09-20 16:58:42 · answer #2 · answered by bobbysgirl703 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not hand over custody of your child to your ex-husband. Child support is used for many things: clothes, food, a roof over his head, field trips at school, anything that concerns your child is what the money is used for. If you give up custody he can say you didn't want the child and stop visitation. Also think how your son would feel. You gave him up just because of money. Tell your ex to get a second job to pay support for the second child. It's not your problem. Your priority should be your son.
2006-09-20 16:51:10 · answer #3 · answered by kathy p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean you have "physical" custody? Is there a court order awarding sole custody to you with visitation rights to him?
If you dont want to part with your son, babe, you DONT HAVE TO!! Besides, your 12 yr old is of the age that he can just about choose where he wants to stay. A court will never part you from your son because his father is having another baby. The 2 have nothing to do with each other.
If youve been caring for your son all these years, theres nothing your ex could say that will convince a court that your son should go with him (unless youre a crack addict or something dangerous to your son).
DONT WORRY. Youre not gonna lose your son, and DONT SIGN ANYTHING! Simply tell your ex NO.
2006-09-20 16:51:56 · answer #4 · answered by JusticeManEsq 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can do whatever you want with the support he pays you. This sounds just like my ex husband. He demanded shared custody, so as to reduce the amount he had to pay. I asked for a review because he earned much more than me. I won that, but he then took me to court (which he could because he was rich). It ended up with a cash payout based on one child being with me full time and one sharing week about with both of us. Now that child hates him. I have both kids, but cant afford to go to court to have the deal changed.
Please, don't let your kid go and don't rock the boat. He is trying to manipulate you into doing something that benefits him, rather than thinking of the good of the child. Keep your child and keep in mind that your ex has no control legally over how your child support is spent.
2006-09-20 17:11:43 · answer #5 · answered by jewel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there 3 times with the same woman and I won every time , so I do know a little about this . I know in the State I was living unless he can show some kind of neglect on your part or misuse of the money , then he should not get custody . That is how I got custody from my wife . She would always come home Drunk when he was one year old with no babysitter , and his cousin molested him .
2006-09-20 16:56:00 · answer #6 · answered by conan_0565 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T MAKE A MOVE WITHOUT CONSULTING A LAWYER
the child support is for YOUR CHILD.....you didn't accept it when you were full time...your choice...but remember...that is for your child's health and well being. he still is responsible for part of the support. he wants you to sign over custody because then he won't be legally obligated to pay support. further, once you sign over support he has alot more rights to this child and are you willing to give up the rights you now possess if he decides to change schools, move to another city, etc.? call a lawyer before you do anything to find out your rights and obligations in your particular state. if your ex gives you grief about it...then i'd say he was up to something and all the more reason to get professional help.
2006-09-20 16:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by leftbrainedgirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello! You do need the support, hes going get growth spurts and be needing a lot of things for himself. If the ex is not in his life ( the full custody part ) then its your right to have the supprt! If you gain custody over your son for any reason to do with harm or being afraid of him getting in harm or the ex is not stable ( menatally or physically) then he has no right to your son! Now the other thing is ask your son what he would like to do.... His opinions does matter, it is his father. Respect his choices as well......
2006-09-20 16:53:50 · answer #8 · answered by Katie T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not give up your rights just for your ex's financial gain. He just wants the extra cash for his new family, well he should have thought about the consequences of his actions before impregnating his new partner. If you and your son are separated now for him to go and live with his new family think of the emotional impact it will have on both of you.Even if you aren't paying school fees a child still needs to be supported in lots of other ways. Don't let your ex bully you into a situation you really do not seem comfortable with.
2006-09-20 16:57:44 · answer #9 · answered by kez29 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, he helped make the child, so it's his responsibility to pay his part of the support whether your son is in public or private school! Tell him to suck it up...if he can't support 2 children, then he should have thought of that before he made another one! I HATE when men whine about paying child support, meanwhile, they're out there making babies like it's some kind of hobby!
I wouldn't give him custody either.
2006-09-20 16:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋