what are the key factors in keeping a marriage vibrant?

Question

This question is particularly for people who have been married for more than 5 years. Also, I am asking to consider the forces wearing away the time for romance like raising children and careers. How is individual development (or sacrificed) balanced with development of the relationship and family?

Answer 1

Me and My husband have been married for over 12 years, we have a 10 yr old son, My husband is in the Army and I'm a Flight Attendant Supervisor and we have the Most Incrediable Marriage Imaginable. We live our life by a few simple traditions not rules, for example, We ALWAYS goto bed at the same time, if one spouse is tired and the other isn't we still enter the bed at the same time and then watch tv or something while the other sleeps, but this way we have our pillow time to talk, kiss goodnight, whatever. We NEVER leave the room, house or any spot that we are at together without kissing eachother goodbye no matter where we are. We have a DATE NIGHT once a week and no matter what happens (even if money's tight) we ALWAYS make sure we do date night, have someone watch our son and we do whatever. Even if we have no $ we just goto the park, have a candle night dinner at home like we're single, ot to dinner, movies, comedy clubs things like that. We have huge amounts of trust, respect, love, desire and passion in our marriage. We are always trying new things, you can visit one of those Novelty or Adult shops they have alot of things to spice things up in the bedroom. Me and My husband have a joking "tradition" we never go more than 48hrs without having sex, even though we say it's a joking tradition we've always lived by it lol. We keep things fresh cuz we believe that you should make love wherever the moment hits you and you shouldn't have to wait or put it off cuz everyone knows that just spoils a moment. Sorry this is so long but hope i answered your question. :)

Answer 2

By paying attention to and considering ways to keep a marriage vibrant. Most people just start taking things for granted and thats when they start to feel like they dont' matter in their own home and that leads to trouble. It doesn't take a ton of time or energy or money, you just have to pay attention to it. When you get married and have kids you can't focus on your individual development so much anymore....you are part of a bigger whole now and have responsibilities to that whole...if you wanted to spend your life working on you as an individual and living for you as an individual you had no business getting married and certainly not having kids. People also need to realize whats important at that time in their lives and that no phase of your life lasts forever. When children are small they MUST have your attention, your time, your energy and your love....other things can be done later. They will get older, they will become more independent, they will eventually leave....then you can be your individual self, until then you are a parent and are responsible for preparing someone to become a future member of this society and to parent their own children and that is more important than anything else you have going on. I think that as a couple you need to agree to that responsibility and devote yourself to being the best at it that you can be, it will pass they will grow up. In the meantime you take one night a week or one night a month, hire a sitter and go out and be a couple. Or just putting the kids to bed peacefully and at a reasonable time and then spending an hour or two together each evening will work quite well also.

Answer 3

My husband and I got married really young and had three kids right off the bat. Talk about tough! IT is now 22 years later and our kids are grown. When they were little we still made time for each other and at least once a month would get a sitter and go fishing or to a movie or something. The hardest thing was because we were so young and dumb, we wanted to change each other and we fought constantly because we didn't see eye to eye on much of anything. Now that im older, i realize that respecting each other's differences is very important, you will not always agree, that doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong, you just disagree and accept each other without trying to change each other:)

Answer 4

Been married 8 years/4 kids.... as you scarifice your individual needs you expand your circle to your family and your husband.. If he does the same thing where you stopped with your own personal developmental needs he will do that for you and you for him.. you stimulate eachothers mind and body... the fisrt few years of marriage you are still learning the ropes and sorting out the "rules" of your marriage.. after 5 years then most things are in place and you just feed of eachother (in a good way) you do things with your spouse in mind and it is mostly the little things that make a difference... the things that are hard to sneak past little kid eyes... a little slap on the *** or that passionate kiss snuck while doing dishes. You have to keep it a little exciting or else people go looking for excitement else where. If you do little things that your aren't "supposed" to be doing then it keeps things as a game and there is thrill in a game.. My belly still does flips when my hubby walks into the room or kisses me, just like the first time.. (now i realize this is rare) but it is the little things that hold you interested

Answer 5

I was married for 33 years, and until my wife's sudden death, every day of our marriage was like being on the Honey Moon!!
We were best friends. We had 3 children, the first we lost at 6 weeks old. She was 16, and I was 20 when we married. We grew up together in our marriage. We found time to make love through all the years of raising children. We found time to just sit down, and talk to each other about how our day had been. We knew when one of us had a problem, and we talked about it. If I thought I wanted to do something more challenging in my career, but was afraid I might fail, than my wife supported me, and told me I could do it. When my wife wanted to get her GED, and was afraid she couldn't, I was proud of her. When she wanted to go to college. I was right their to help her.
I hope I have helped you with your questions, and not bored you!!

Answer 6

Communication is key. You can never take each other for granted and always have to make time for each other. I have been married for 10 years. We have 2 children. We both work full time and the children are involved in gymnastics and Tae Kwon do, so 4 out of 5 weeknights we have to take them for that. We always make time for each other. the kids are in bed by 9 and then it is our time, to cuddle, discuss our days etc.

Answer 7

You need to be able to have fun with eachother. We do simple things like hike, fish, tickle eachother. You don't have to spend a lot of money. Don't know about the kids. hasn't happened the regular way and we're working on adoption paperwork at the moment.

Answer 8

By romance, do you mean things like flowers, candy, or sentimental cards? Those things are OK, but they aren't romance. They MAY be symbols of affection, but they aren't romance. When you're married, lots of things can be romance. When she fixes your coffee the way you like it, it can be romance. When he does the dishes, so she doesn't see a full sink when she gets home- romance. When she listens to the same story from your mother for the 20th time, without acting bored- romance. When she fixes your dinner the way you like it best- romance. As for development- relax- it will happen.

Answer 9

We have 2 kids and it is not easy. We try to do little thing to make us feel good. For example, Right a love note in his lunch box. Have a later candle light dinner when the kids go to bed. once a month we have date night where just me and my husband get a babysitter and do something that you two want to do.

Answer 10

Married 14 years, it's been tough but it is getting better day by day. Be honest and talk often and never leave mad. We have God in our lives now and that really is when our relationship turned around. True story