Please only serious replies. this is my life!!!! I have been married almost 2 years and my husband has been having an affair with his best friends wife for our entire marriage. he says only a handful of times, like that matters. we have lost a child together and he slept with her during that time too. now i find out he has fathered a child with her. we also have a 6 month old daughter and the child from the affair is only 3 weeks younger. it has been about a week since i discovered that the affair even existed. i am just heart broken. i never considered divorce because of my religion, but now even the church says that i can leave him. what should i do?????
2006-09-20 08:48:37 · 30 answers · asked by this is my life 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cannot overcome this so it isn't worth trying. He is a cheater and always will be. You deserve better.
At least you can get a great settlement out of him. Don't allow your religion to get in the way. Take him to the cleaners for ruining your life and depriving his daughter of a loving family.
2006-09-20 08:50:37 · answer #1 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh darlin it sounds like your in between a hard rock and its hard to get out of. I understand a little and have been in a similar situation, only there was no other child on the other side.
My suggestion is to go and get some counselling so that you can make well informed decision for yourself. It is a pain-full journey to be in and I am and you will be a survivor out of this.
You are in what i call an abusive situation, there are women shelters that will offer you more than a roof over your head.
There you will receive well informed and educated skills to help you deal with your deli ma.
You can also ring life line when he is not around they are very helpful.
To bring a child up in such emotional turmoil would also have a negative effect on her up bringing.
You do deserve so much better and believe me there is much better opportunities available to you. Just be brave and reach out as you have done now.
I wish you well and gods speed with you.
2006-09-21 01:16:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I'd like to say I'm so sorry. This man doesn't seem to be trustworthy. A husband should be someone that you can trust with your life and that doesn't seem to be happening. You don't have to make a quick decision, take your time. God may have a wonderful plan for you, so keep your faith and give your cares and worries over to him to handle. This is not a situation that you can handle yourself, I'm sure you know that. I think the main question you have to ask yourself is if you can ever forgive him. I don't think that I could if it was me. Especially considering that he was sleeping with her when you needed him most, after the loss of your child. Good luck, I hope you come to a decision that gives you peace.
2006-09-20 08:55:56 · answer #3 · answered by GAgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only speak for myself but the moment I found out he was cheating I would have been GONE. This man has no class or morals or anything. He betrayed his wife AND best friend and he didnt care enough to even protect himself OR YOU from STD's. I think you should leave so your child has a chance to see what a loving family is all about....even if it happens via single parent home. I do not believe staying married for any reason if my head and heart isn't in it. Outside babies is the ultimate betrayal. wish you well but I would be gone so fast his head would spin.
2006-09-20 08:55:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you are just sick from your broken heart. You can not make any decisions at this time because of your emotional state. Concentrate on you and the baby. If you do not have any job skills I would suggest that you use this time to get some.
Think with your head, not with your heart.
When you are stronger, and only when you are stronger reassess the situation and move on if necessary.
I am a Christian also and was raised Catholic, but I am a much better Christian without all of the emotional baggage.
2006-09-20 08:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by Annie R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your happines is important and you must feel miserable and hurt. He is not acting as a husband should do and the people in the church care about you. He is trating you worse than a dog, you are worth alot more than this. God says you are important and special. Leave him. if he is not treating you like this this type of bloke will treat someoen else like it. Don,t take it personally although it hurts he is just a selfish person. Think about yourself and your child who will also suffer in this situation. Don,t be gloomy one day someone will love you and God loves you, think about God and how much he loves you will most definately feel strong and secure and one day God will bless you with a great man. Don,t be down get away from this clown, he will only hurt you more and more, and you will end up very angry and bitter if you do not leave and this will reflect on your family, take care God bless Denise.
2006-09-20 08:55:26 · answer #6 · answered by guysmithdenise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, there is NO reason to stay, if he has been unfaithful to you for your entire marriage, what else has he been untrue about?
I understand the devotion to your religion but its time for you to make the move out of this.
I'm so sorry you were treated like this! You do need to realize that you deserve so much better than this!
Now is the time to get away from the whole situation and re-think your life.
It certainly sounds like you are a strong woman, you had the guts to ask for help on here right?
I wish you the best of luck and if you need a friend, please, email me anytime
koleebear@yahoo.com
I check it daily.
2006-09-20 08:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by koleebear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I'd get some marriage councelling specifically focused on adultry and see how I felt in a couple of months. Things are too shocking and raw for you to make a decisions.
Meanwhile, though- I'd hire a lawyer right now due to the financial implications of the other baby. You 4 people might want to sit down and discuss how to handle this. Who will be the baby's "father"-- her husband or yours? Too many things to think about- get into therapy and also seek legal advice right away.
2006-09-20 08:56:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first off, i would like to say that i am sorry that you have to go through all this pain.
I cannot give you one good reason to stay because there are NONE. Your husband disrespected you from the beginning, he cheated , lied and with his best friends wife???, that is sick.
you should leave him, without question. i do not think you should ever consider taking him back.
a husband and wife should have respect and love for each other, and he has shown you nothing.... leave the loser as fast as you can, he is nothing but a pig, dirtbag, scum
2006-09-20 09:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by raffi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen relationships heal after infidelity and even become stronger. That said, if your husband has been unfaithful for most of your marriage, that would be very hard to forgive and to learn to ever trust him.
You should decide what you want to do. Your happiness and well-being is of utmost importance not only to you but to the happiness and well-being of your daughter as well.
I suggest you find a good counselor who can help you work through your feelings and figure out what you want.
2006-09-20 08:54:06 · answer #10 · answered by ambivalent_beauty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋