Im 19 years old and I recently started dating a man that has been married for 8 years. He is 30 years old and I have known him and his family since I was 9 years old. I was eleven when he got married and I actually was present at it. I have talkted to his wife several times before and she seems very unhappy with her marriage. She cheated on him once when they had first gotten married, and to get bakc at her he did the same. (Not with me, it was way before hima nd I started talking). They have two beautiful children now and she uses them against him everytime he asks for a divorce. (He doesn;t just tell me this, I talk to her too and she's told me she wants to hold him down.) I know she's cheating on him at the moment also, because like I said before, her and I takl sometimes and she tells me things. I dont feel bad being with him because I know she is doing the same thing to him, but people that know about this relationship think I am doing something very bad. I need any advice!
2006-09-20 08:47:18 · 54 answers · asked by LittleTownChic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This man and I have only recently (three weeks ago) started talking. I have not slept with him, and he has not ever asked me to. We have known each other a long time and have always been good friends, He has tried to get a divorce before, but she threatened to kill herself and her baby (she had just found out she was pregnant) if he left her. At the moment we were only friends.
2006-09-20 08:50:23 · update #1
His wife is not pregnant RIGHT now, their kisd are 7 and 2. Ans I have not slept with him, ever. His wife and I are NOT friends, we have mutual friends, and Him and I know each other from a long time ago, but we only talked as aquaintances.
2006-09-20 13:43:05 · update #2
No, it's not wrong; you're all adults.
2006-09-20 08:54:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 8⤋
Of course you are doing something very wrong. Why would you get involved with a married man, whether he's having marriage problems or not. Marriage is a special union between TWO people. Whether they have both cheated on each other is between them. You being involved with this guy isn't going to make it OK or fair. You are just hurting yourself along the way. Not only that, but those two beautiful kids of theirs will hate you for breaking up their mom and dad. Instead of adding to the fire, why don't you try to do what is right. When your time comes and you get married, how would you feel if your husband was cheating on you with a teenager. I don't think you would like it. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Easy to live by.
2006-09-20 09:00:22 · answer #2 · answered by gel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you so ugly that you either have to carry this mans baggage or never go out on another date with a biped again?
You should feel bad about getting involved with such a miserable situation. A cheating man, a cheating wife 2 innocent kids...misery on all sides. And no happy ending in sight, miserable wife will aggravate Mrs.2 till the end of time. Mr. Cheater will continue to cheat yea unto Mrs. 3 and 4 and the kids will put ex-lax in your chocolates because in their eyes you broke up the family. Oh yes and you betray the friendship with his family which doesn't speak well for you either.Wheres your self-respect? Don't you think you deserve something better? You could hardly do worse.
Get out girl. Run away. Now. Don't wait.
2006-09-20 09:03:28 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GURL gurl gurl,This is a spicy situation. Nah, you won't feel guilty until after it's over and you and the wifey tell each other some secrets. I understand that you are 19 and at that age you pretty much have things together, unfortunatley he does'nt and will not for a long time you know..... If you keep comparing your relationship to his wifes you will always have a problem . NEVER compare how a man treats you against the way he treats his wife. A wife as different analogy to her husband than a lover. and there are no Justifications to your actions, and becareful. Being too friendly to the wife while still having relations with the husband will lead to things that may be hazardious to your health..
2006-09-20 08:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by SECRET woman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People think this is bad becuase it is just Never a good thing to be involved with a married person.
I find it interesting that you talk to his wife and that know what she is up to. That could burn you, in a varriety of ways it is not a good idea.
Are you & this man "in love"? If you have this history together you must be freinds as well & that is a good thing. Its hard to say wether or not you two have a future together because at this point his future is committed elsewhere. Many a woman has waited for a married man...many!
If he says he wants a future with you then he desperately needs to talk to an attorney. He needs to start putting things together for a divorce. Unless he enjoies letting her pull him around by his balls. A lot of people have bad marriages that they stay in for long perriods of time! He may not have ANY intention of leaving her.
At your age, I hate to say it but he could be using you & taking advantage of you. Even if he is sweet & professes love for you - he may be using you. Don't lie to yourself on that possibility.
My advice woudl be to A.) Stop talking to his wife!! B.) Give him an ultimatum & a time line to get out of the marriage. If he dosnt do it - you will know the status of your relationship with him. And, DO NOT do it unless you can walk away from him if he does not follow thru.
If you can't do these things, I hope you do find a way to look out for YOU...Cuz, TRUST ME sista, he IS looking out for himself!!!!
2006-09-20 09:15:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is wrong. Regardless of them both being cheaters. They are still married. Why would you want to be involved in their mess. From acting like you are a friend to the wife, to actually cheating with the husband. You should respect yourself more than that. Have you ever thought that the only reason he is spending time with you is to get the information that his wife has told you? Think child. Use your brain. In the end it is up to you, but, if I was his wife and found out, I would seriously kick your *** and his.
2006-09-20 09:51:23 · answer #6 · answered by Golden 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This situation has trouble written all over it. #1 since you've known these people as long as you say you have, wouldn't they be like family. #2 you say you talk to this woman and apparently have a friendship with her, why would you see her husband behind her back. #3 She is carrying his child and they are still married. Regardless of who's cheated and who hasn't messing around with a married man is wrong. Plus if they cheated on their wife's they will do the same thing to you. If I was you I would remove my self totally from this situation before you get yourself in something that you can't get out of!
2006-09-20 09:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by faith 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you need advice, but you justify your action because his wife is also being unfaithful. The only question you ask about the whole situation is whether it is wrong. I'm not condemning you -- I know you are only looking for affection, and so is he. But yes, it is wrong for him to seek fulfillment outside of his marriage. It is also wrong for you to involve yourself in his problem.
During their wedding (which you attended), the vows they spoke were supposed to be eternal and unconditional. Even if she cheated first, this does not create the option for him to cheat. If he broke these promises to his wife, why should you trust him?
Marriage is not always easy. I've had many unhappy days with my husband. Being unhappy in my marriage does not give me the right to cheat. There is no "happiness clause" on a marriage license.
Getting yourself involved in this family's problems will only bring you harm. Do the self-respecting thing and get out of the relationship with him as soon as you can. As I pointed out, you cannot trust a man who breaks these sacred vows to his wife.
2006-09-20 08:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by mtnlady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We are only friends, NOW THAT'S ORIGINAL, just like the sin, who are you trying to kid, (no pun intended), I wonder who is lacking in the self esteem department here?, I heard that same line 20 years into my marriage, six years later, I'm getting punished for keeping my vows. Anyway, this day and age in MODERN America there is no stigma for being an adulterer or es. But whatever you do as long as you can rationalize it, it must be O.K. Just like my devoted (attend church on holidays or when mom and dad visit to look good) Catholic future ex.
So are you doing something bad? nah, just tell the guywith collar and then say ten hail mary's and you'll be just fine>>>>>>>>>>>>>
2006-09-20 09:30:28 · answer #9 · answered by John H B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, u shouldn't feel bad, u should be ashamed of yourself for carrying on with a man KNOWING he's married. Of course he and his wife are no better than u because they both cheated on each other. And just because she cheated on him and is a horrible wife to him, it doesn't give u the right to be part of the problem so stop making excuses for him or u to cheat. This is between her and him and if u have any morals or self dignity, u would stay out of it. You're all adults so why don't u all start acting like one, starting with yourself.
2006-09-20 08:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your too young to involve your self with this man. Age does not really matter. Its the way your getting pulled in the middle of it all. Its too close for comfort on your behalf. The last thing you need at your age is dealing with someone that of a middle aged couple problems in life. It does sound very awkward however, knowing you were only 9yrs old when he got married, but, like my father told me if it feels good it must be right. You should at least wait until they divorce on a moral prospective.
2006-09-20 08:54:02 · answer #11 · answered by skawp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋