Husband usually is very affectionate when sex is not involved - during sex he is just a "hit it and quit it" kind of guy, followed by a enthusiastic yet withdrawn "thank you"; no cuddling, no kisses, no caressing, no MAKING LOVE. He says he just doesn't know how to connect emotions with sex, but I have told him repeatedly what I would like and what turns me on - even pointed out gently things on movies....still he doesn't DO ANY OF IT!!!! I think it's just selfishness, but it really hurts my heart and I really feel used after. What do I do? (besides seek a sex therapist)
2006-09-20 08:37:01 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
was a virgin when we got married, never have experienced any love making - just know how it shouldn't feel the way it does now
2006-09-20 08:54:03 · update #1
You may want to check out those "Better Sex" videos for proper ideas.
In any case, you need to slow it down and instruct him or what it all really means.
It's not "pump and dump", but a genuine caring and sharing, which mean an attitude realignment
2006-09-20 08:54:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
What a sad life you must have to think women are all basically sex objects and not females who can love and adore and want the same thing in return. Are you saying if you were hurt in a capacity where having sex was out for a few months or longer a man can't still have a loving relationship?? Then you have never had a real relationship..You need to find a healthy relationship and give the guy a chance. I agree many men see women as w hores in the bed room and domestic goddess in the kitchen but not all men believe that. Believe it or not some men say I love you and mean it from the heart and sex has nothing to do with it. They are downright romantic (other than sexually) and are a genius when it comes to creating the mood for love. As a woman who was married 18 years (he passed on) I have learned that men and women can think alike and have the same values in love such as honesty, trust, caring, loving and still be the best friend. Like I said try it...you might like it..
2016-03-17 23:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just lead it off, get freaky, so freak it just might scare him. You need to wear him out. The give him about 15 minutes to regain his composure, then let him lead, call him the race call, tell him he's in the lead and can't be caught because he's to good and that the finish line is almost in sight and for him to just take his time. When you climax, that's the finish line, but wait till he get all the way across the finish line before you label him as the top dog.
from this point on, you tell him that he has the lead, now just walk it on in real easy.
some men never learn how to do it right, all they know is to be aggressive, as if they are going to really burst or break something because of the screams. The fail to understand that
8-9 pound babies come out of that thing. Another thing is that they fail to understand that all the good stuff is on the top, that where most of the stimulation is, the deeper you go the less stimulation and some just don't even move right, no coordination or rhythm.
Let him know, that you don't want premium, you want him to go diesel, this way he'd go further and longer and its better and safer and doesn't cause to much of a strain on his engine and you both would get there together. (happy as a fat man at the buffet counter).
2006-09-20 09:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by WOODSAK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you've done what I was going to suggest. If he's selfish, maybe you want to look at the whole of your relationship. If sex isn't good then maybe other things aren't either.
Have you tried dressing up and "role playing". Tell your man that you are going to SHOW him what appropriate love making is! LOL. Tell him you want it done right or not at all. Maybe try some handcuffs. LOL. Trying to have some humor here, sometimes people just aren't educated enough to know how to proceed.
Have a good one
2006-09-20 08:42:57 · answer #4 · answered by Peggy R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him. Touch him the way you want to be touched, don't make an issue out of sex, but feel him up and tell him how good he feels, you say he's very affectionate otherwise, well some people aren't given much opportunity to learn, and alot of men think sex is just supposed to be like that. The other option is to cut him off until he decides he's willing to learn. Goodluck.
2006-09-20 08:54:47 · answer #5 · answered by Megan aka Elsie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid I am with you here. Ive been married for 6 years now and I know theres something missing in that area, my husband is the same way. Ive tried everything I know...sometimes they just like it that way and refuse to try anything different. If you figure out a way please let me know. It eventually gets to the point where you have sex with him because you feel you have to. the enjoyment is lost and you end up left with a feeling of emptiness and unsatisfaction. The sex is great, dont get me wrong, but as women we need that emotional connection or it just wont do. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-09-20 08:59:17 · answer #6 · answered by Mia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to keep working with him. Some habits die hard. During love making you will have to slow him down this might take away from your enjoyment for now but if its gets him to doing it the way you like it, you will have to suffer for awhile. Just every time keep on showing him in a gentle way, eventually he will get the idea. I don't think it's selfishness it's just going to be hard for him to give up those bad habits. Remember he's been doing it like this from the beginning. So you will have to teach him.
2006-09-20 08:41:19 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men have a medical problem with premature ejacualtion. Men do not want to admit to problems of this nature and they sure don't want to talk to doctors about it. However, there are medical solutions to the premature ejaculator. You need to have a real TALK with him about how you are being deprived and have a right to have pleasure. Try to get him to admit if he is embarrassed about his condition, if he has one. Also let him know that there is medical help if this is his problem. Be sympathetic and let him know that you love him and will do all in your power to make this a better experience for both of you.
2006-09-20 08:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by juncogirl3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lololol. he says THANK YOU??? I dont even say that after a good BJ even though I might want to...
anyway. you dont need a sex therapist. so see you have the power. you have the puss. now. simply tell him that we are going to hold each other in bed and do other stuff, but you cannot have sex with me. and you will not have sex with me until you learn how to make love to me at the same time. with your power you can do anything. you just have to take something from him that he loves, just like a little kid. simply put, you say you are taking something from me with your method of sex, so Im taking something from you as well until you can learn to make it a team effort.
2006-09-20 08:42:29 · answer #9 · answered by Bistro 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might try dangling a carrot now and then. By that I mean trading favors. For example, you might say to that he can do whatever he want with you tonight, but that first he has to give a slow sensual massage. Or, you might promise him a mind-numbing handjob in return for a 20 minute class (taught by you of course) on cunnilingus. Marriage is mostly about love, mutual benefits, and caring negotiations.
2006-09-20 08:57:23 · answer #10 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋