and the other parent too strick? My kids are teens, they live a week at my house and a week at their Dad and step-moms. They complain about how strick their dad is. I think he is too, so I have to compensate by being more permissive, and now they have no respect for me.
2006-09-20 08:07:56 · 9 answers · asked by Ellyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you didnt compensate you copped out...you sound like HIS strictness FORCED you to be more lenient.
After all, it's easier to give in than to stand firm, right?
Yes, it's harmful and you and he better have a sit down about this and fast before you end up with kids being brought home by the cops. He's probably strict because he knows YOU are too permissive--see? Yep, go meet somewhere and talk it out...NO FIGHTING!
2006-09-20 08:11:41 · answer #1 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The harm is when one parent compensates for the sake of thinking they are fair. What is really fair is to be yourself and not compensate. Kids need parameters, and parents need to set them. Whether your ex is overly strict is not a good reason for you to compensate them.... your job is to be the parent.
You need to do what you think is best for your kids. In that way they will always know that what you do is for their best interest.
What you are doing is undermining your exes authority and your childrens' intellegence... They can see right through you, no wonder they are losing respect for you...
Be the parent, and the heck with what your ex does, or doesn't do!
2006-09-20 15:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by J j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT'S YOUR FAULT. KIDS ARE TOO YOUNG TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS. THEY DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER MUCH OF WHAT HAPPENS IN THEIR LIVES.
SO WHAT'S LEFT THAT THEY CAN CONTROL? THE PARENTS. THEY QUICKLY LEARN TO TO DOVODE AND CONQUER.
THE ANTIDOTE IS COMMIT TO BEING A UNITED FRONT WITH THE OTHER PARENT. CONSISTENCY.
YOU ARE GETTING BACK AT YOUR EX BY BEING THE 'GOOD GUY' SO THEY WILL SEE HIM AS THE 'BAD GUY'. THEY KNOW THIS AND KNOW THEY CAN CONTROL YOU BY BITCHING ABOUT HOW MEAN THEIR DAD IS, AND THEY KNOW YOU WILL BE TOO LENIENT.
THIS IS AN ADULT PROBLEM THAT YOUR KIDS ARE PAYING FOR. FIX THE RIFT WITH YOUR EX, AND COMPROMISE AND AGREE ON A PLAN YOU CAN BOTH ACCEPT. THEN BE CONSISTENT.
YOU ARE THE ADULT. COMMAND RESPECT. BEHAVE LIKE AN ADULT. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE MANIPULATED BY A CHILD.
2006-09-20 15:15:52 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because children need to have borders, because they will go all over the place if they do not. They need to be told what to do even though they will tell you they don't. You don't have to be strict but set some guidelines/rules and if the break the rules let them know their will consequences. Don't let your children run you over, due to when they get out in the real world they will think they do not have to follow the rules.
2006-09-20 15:15:56 · answer #4 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well apparently, you and the father talk - you need to meet in the middle and have the rules carried over from each house.
Dad's tend to be a little more firmer....moms a little less.
If you keep acting this way - they will walk all over you.
2006-09-20 15:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by WhatNext 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You shouldn't have tried to compensate. You've lost their respect and now you may not be able to get it back. Kids want and need routine and boundaries even though they say they don't.
2006-09-20 15:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some times being to permissive is mistaken for not caring. Be sure to let them know that it is not because you don't care but because sometimes learning by making small mistakes stays with us longer.
2006-09-20 15:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by Scv705 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion I think that you and their dad should support each other as far as the kids and boundries. If they see that both of you share the same ideas for them, I think they would respond well.
2006-09-20 15:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES
2006-09-20 15:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋