I had an arranged marriage,I liked another girl though I married coz my parents liked this girl and wanted me to marry a girl from a standard well to do family. this girl is good but I m also a good human being. We both have a good nature and are appreciated by people around us, but the problem is we don't connect each other mentally, I m talented, ambitious,perfectionist and she is feeble, clumsy and loves being the common person. She also lied to me about her age while getting married for one year (she is actually two years elder to me) and yet when I celebrated her fake birthday ( she gave me a wrong date) with her family they all enjoyed the party at my expense and I didn't even realize that I was being fooled. I myself later from a family friend got her real age, I hate hypocrisy and age was not a problem if she would have told me directly. I m skeptical of this relationship but one step towards divorce will shatter my family,hers and society will have the last laugh. I m stuck.
2006-09-20 08:07:55 · 20 answers · asked by Goodguy 4 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
dear...no one can change what has already happened......and divorce is not a solution...it is a knife that will cut u off from her...the main thing is that u accept that she is good.....so forget that past...whats gone is gone....see what is in ur hand and how u can make the best of it.........and about mentality matching remember key to a haapy and peacefull married life is "UNDERSTANDING" and it doesn't mean to make other person understand....it means to understand other person and keep ur cool untill the other person also starts understanding u......and it implies on both sides..........remember dont waste ur precious married life moments for materialistic things when u can enjoy the eternal and divine happiness of non-materialistic love.....so keep smiling and keep loving
2006-09-20 08:17:41 · answer #1 · answered by jazz j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not the only one having such problem. There are many young talented boys who have such problem these days.
From what you have said in your question it is quite clear that you hail from a good respectable family having good social status. It is also clear that girls family is also having good reputation and at par with your family status. Also more imprtantly you have said that the girl is also good.
Your problems are :
1. She wants to be a common person
2. She or actually her family lied about her age.
It is your perception that she wants to be a common one. Just try and mould her in such a way that she comes to your level. It is not very difficult to do this. Take her to parties , in restaurants, in clubs or other social gatherings and train her to mix with people ,talk the way you want, behave in a fasipon of yours etc. While doing these you treat her equal and never try to pull her down. She would change. May be either her family or you have not given her a chance. Win her trust and give her a feeling that you care for her and are trying to mould her the way you want.
About her age , it is not her fault. It is not a crime. Forgive her for that . There is nothing wrong having an elder wife. It is good . She would mature fast.
Never ever think of a divorce, particularly when you are good natured person and your family has reputation. One more thing totally forget about your past liking of another girl before marriage.
2006-09-21 06:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by gelilio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish you had stated YOUR age? An arranged marriage almost never works. How can it? In order for any relationship to work, the two people involved MUST have things in common, and the chemistry MUST be there. You won't know if these things are there unless you meet and get to know each other over a period of time. That's what engagements are for. Where do you live? You have 2 choices here. Either stay in the marriage and be unhappy the rest of your life or live your own life and divorce. There is NOTHING shameful about divorce. And the fact that she lied about her age has nothing to do with it. You are not suited to each other. You are NOT compatible. If your family can't understand this, I suggest you move the hell away, even if it means getting out of the country. Just because this was the way your parents met does not mean it is right. They stayed in their own marriage because back in their time this was the way things were done. This is a new age and such outdated ideas such as arranged marriages are OVER!!!!!!!!!! Leave before children are involved.
2006-09-20 15:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
More frequently than not, divorce represents two people who should have never married, two people who are not compatible, two people who are not alike, two people who would be happier if they found their soul mate, arranged by G-d. Staying in a relationship with the wrong partner may be courageous or financially rewarding, but it is like forcing a puzzle piece into the wrong space. It doesn't quite fit properly.If a relationship is not divinely ordered, if a marriage is not forged with that divine spark, if the souls are not welded together on the spiritual level, if a marriage is not intended to be...no one can change that fact. Accept it! Deal with the issues! Do your best. What else can you do if you're in a relationship that doesn't fit? Wallowing in anger, blame, guilt or sulking doesn't help.Life does not end with divorce! If your marriage ends in divorce eventually you will reach the place where you can move on with life.
2006-09-20 15:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by curiosa26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation, my friend. It may take time before you & your wife can connect and enjoy each other. I think that you need to talk to her about all of these things, if you have not already. Also, talk to your father. If not your father find a man who has also had an arranged marriage & speak freely with him about your struggle.
You have the right to be angry & disappointed that she lied to you about her age. How do you know you can trust her with other things? If nothing else, we have to be able to trust our spouse! It seems strange that her whole family lied with her. I hope that they are not all immoral.
Are you measuring her aginst the lady who you previously loved? Look at that, and make sure that you are ready to be a husband - fully.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-20 15:21:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anne A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that if there is anywhere LOVE then nurture it. Be caring not saying that i am jsut perffectionist,that looks all the time that u praise urself.
Talk to her,understand her explain her and luv her. You seem to be after her that she lied etc??
Is it that u are gving some reasons to satisfy thta you wanna LEAVE HER?? Then think?? Why did u marry her??
Now married see if with LUV,HAPPINESS, TRUST AND PASSION CAN U IMPROVE THE chemistry then do it...
There is no word like PERFECTIONIST IN RELATIONS... we all have some negative qualities... I think u should agree..
Well best of luck... Breaking is very EASY but to nurture and luv is difficult see what do u want!!!
2006-09-20 20:26:14 · answer #6 · answered by nisha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r a real good guy by heart and u think of her 2 and ur family society . but marrying a girl who lied u from the first time and her family 2 is involved i feel sorry . its really hard 2 get a true patner in life . still i can suggest talk 2 her and ur family .
2006-09-21 02:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by indian beauty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's wot most arranged marriages is all abt lies. I'm sorry abt ur dilema, but u both should sit n try to work things out or get some profession help.
Dont give up just yet.... many ppl do worst than lying and still hold their marriage 2gether.
2006-09-20 15:18:34 · answer #8 · answered by Miss-Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never understood arranged marriages. You should marry the one you want to be with. Consider divorce. Don't worry about her family or society -- do what's right for you.
2006-09-20 15:13:45 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in marriage dont expect love feelings from wife. instead focus on maintaining social status by pretending that both u r living happily. dont FEEL FEEL . dont let her that u r feeling bad. this gives her chance to play much more games. come to practicalside. focus maximum on work career. be calm for few days. wait until u get love from that side. since girls do have more maturity than boys wrt to age. she caneasily pull u down if u expect love. instead spend time with friends. everybodys life is like this only. nobody tell outside that they r happy. u must be happy that u got reality with little bit of experience. allthe best. visit guru elders for sugessions.
2006-09-20 15:19:27 · answer #10 · answered by meenakshim 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋