He was caught months ago, and now I recently find out he's been in contact with her again. He says he called her a few times, just to call... and that she still has some of his stuff... it's all very confusing. He says he's not going back to her, and I'm fairly certain it will happen again. How do I just move on from this? I seem to keep falling into the pattern of taking him back. Seriously, it's not as easy as "just dump him". His attitude recently just plain stinks, and when I try to talk with him, he has this whole... well that's the way it is attitude.
He never used to be like this, and I don't know how to handle it, and how to MAKE myself move on. Any advice would be appreciated.
2006-09-20 08:06:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
first of all caroline you must respect yourself it seems your self esteem has gotten stripped away,regain all of that and it makes
it all very easy..dress up,go out with different people,keep busy
aviod him like the plague...goodluck
2006-09-20 08:22:18 · answer #1 · answered by tomtoride 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, getting a new boyfriend might be a way of doing this depending on how old you are and how healthy you want to be in the long run!
Surround yourself with people you know and trust. Make time for those girlfriends!! When you feel the need to "be" with your boyfriend call someone you know will give you good advice, and lovingly remind you of your goal. Because you are right, it will keep happening.
If you do not have a lot of friends then it's time to make them. Join clubs for things that interest you (for example, I am in a historical society, and gardening clubs), and get involved. Go to the gym and work out, make NEW friends.
The key is to keep yourself busy and to be around people who support you when you need that extra hug and reminder.
Once you have him "gone", you might want to consider some sort of personal ritual that will help bring closure to your life. I have gone so far as to light a candle and mediate over it. It is a way of saying good bye and letting go.
Remember that it takes about one to two years to process the stages to ending a relationship. You have to morn, be angry, etc. It takes time and it hurts... Give yourself room to breath, to be alone, to cry, along with the rest of the suggestions above.
2006-09-20 08:19:49 · answer #2 · answered by Peggy R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The second trust is lost you cant go back. You have to stop taking phone calls from him and totally remove him from your life. A stab wound can only heal when the blade is taken out. It sucks when a friend or loved one changes but you have to move away from them if the change for the worse or you will be sucked into the wonderful world of drama and you don't want that. The night is darkest just before sun rise. Get out and don't look back. Go get a job that takes up your free time or find a church group to talk to. Not that I'm a big fan of church but they do tend to be willing to help any one out. Make your self unavailable. Good luck.
2006-09-20 08:14:20 · answer #3 · answered by Chivalry77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters, even though it is not as easy as dumping him, which I know it's hard for you if you are in love him. But you need to atleast scare him.. He already knows this bothers you. Go away for a few days. See if he "CALLS" you. Things like this are never easy. He has no reason to be talking to her. If she has some of his things why not suggest you going with to pick them up instead of her coming there. She has no reason to be there. Ask him how he would feel if he were in your shoes. Would it bother him? This is not normal unless he still has feelings for her. I know that it's hard, but please don't sit there and let him walk all over you. You know in your heart, that you are better than that. Do you realize how many men are out there that want to treat you like the queen that you are? You don't deserve that. You have to put your foot down sweetie. Or he'll keep doing it.
2006-09-20 08:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by Mother of One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to make yourself move on is to actually get yourself up and leave. Find a new atmosphere, hang out new places. Just stay busy. He's never going to change. Even if he truely does love you, he just keeps taking advantage of the fact that you are willing to take him back. Just imagine what would happen if you wanted to make things more serious. Nothing can change what he has done and nothing will mend what he broke. You just need to leave him and stay busy. And don't answer your phone when he calls.
2006-09-20 08:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm feeling your pain girl...right now! And it's been off and on for over a year with me and mine. Listen, this is from personal experience here...I've made a lot of mistakes, and I very much understand the phrase 'easier said than done'! Sometimes you know what needs to be done, but doing it is so, so hard huh? You will never be happy until you learn and MASTER self discipline. You need to let him go hon. And one thing I can PROMISE is that time heals pain...it will get easier, but not until after it's been so hard you can't take it anymore. Let him go, move on with life, and you will be better because of this. He will be back too...but when he comes back, you will be moved on and better. Take it day by day, and have some respect for yourself huh? You deserve more.
2006-09-20 08:16:37 · answer #6 · answered by Meghan L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time is the best healer off all wounds.What matters most is what you do with that time.I suggest that you waste no more of your precious time with this cheater.You're gonna feel kind of crappy about this for a while.That's normal.But don't spend ALL of your time grieving over this dead relationship.
Hang out with friends.It's not a bad thing to go out or sit around with them and rag on your old b/f.It'll let you get everything off your chest.Just make sure that you don't talk about just him the whole time.Talk about old times and other boys too.
There's no magic pill that'll make you get over somebody.You'll be ready to move on when the time is right.
2006-09-20 08:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by Danny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to love yourself enough not to let someone else treat you like this. The first step is to not call him and don't answer his phone calls, delete his number out of your head and phone, everytime you want to pick up the phone and call go for a walk around the block or go clean something, call someone else, do whatever you can to occupy your time. If you can hold out for a week it will get easier and easier to stay away, find someone who treats you the way you should be treated, surround yourself with friends go out and have a good time.
2006-09-20 08:19:11 · answer #8 · answered by brunette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's simple. He will keep doing this because you keep taking him back. In order to truly leave him you must be very strong. Stronger than you've ever been. Go out of town for a week and don't tell him you are leaving, if that will make it any easier on you. If you continue it will go on for months, possibly years.
2006-09-20 08:12:20 · answer #9 · answered by Dan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to, but you really need to break up with him and find someone else. If a guy doenst think your good enough, and he's a whimp to tell you, then he is not what anyone needs. If he cheated on you with that woman, it seems like he wanted that woman instead, right? Well, let him have her. Dump him. He will be sorry, and that is good, but don't feel sorry for him.
2006-09-20 08:18:24 · answer #10 · answered by rawrawree 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im new to this, and i didn't know where to respond..anyways thanks fo the answer on my question..its very touching..yeah all i hear is baby do this baby do that..and he has an anger problem, but doesn't take it out on my physically but verbally and mentally..i love him to death dont get me wrong, but ive had soo much that im starting to just love him, but not be in love with him..i think he kinda knows..but im not sure.. its like he will tell me to do something so i will but its never good enough..as if he's never happy even though he gets what he wants and more..he works but spends his money on useless things..he doesn't have a car though..but we got into bad the other day and i told him ******* take my car and pack ur **** and just go..but he wouldn't leave..its very hard and i am a strong person but he makes me so weak at times its crazy..sometimes he will just start bitching for no apparent reason..i finally got in my car and left the other day he started bitching and nagging at me..i swear you would think he's worse than a woman..im just tired of it..i can't take it anymore..deep down i'm looking for a MAN instead of a boy..and i'm waiting for him and i to get in a fight that way it's a lot easier to just tell him to get the **** out verses..hey sit down u need to leave kinda talk..its hard very hard, some ppl dont understand..im glad that you do though..gives me hope and courage to do what i ve been needing to do for a year now..i hope that you can do it too and be stronger than him...i guess being with him felt convient for me..but now it doesn't feel like that anymore..i can't take the waking up and him just start calling me a ***** and a whore and dirty ***** and etc..im not those things..sometimes ill ask him if he wants me to be so bad since he keeps calling me names..i can't stand being put down just because he doesn't get his damn way... i duno its just complicated..but he will very shortly be out of my life and my house..i feel your pain and where ya coming from and good luck to you ..if you ever need someone to talk too..hit me up on yahoo - thumper092386 i'm usually on when i have nothing to do at home or what not..thanks again :)
2006-09-20 08:29:38 · answer #11 · answered by thumper092386 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋