Is it stupid to be unyeildingly patient w/ an emotional an occasionally physically abusive HUSBAND?
We have a son 16 months old
I try my best to avoid confrontation w/ my very moody husband so that I don't show signs of depression or overstress in front of my son. I don't know what to do....I'm a petite woman and my husband is a very big man........I love him w/ all of my heart and have been w/ him for 3 1/2 years. We do have a 4 year age difference, which he takes full advantage of, I feel used and unwanted often, but want my son to grow up happy with both parents. Am I doing wrong?
2006-09-20 08:04:25 · 26 answers · asked by arielchrisandjunior 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been there. Done that. But with 2 kids! And he was 5 years older. Go to my profile and contact me if you want to talk more. And I will reply as soon as I can.
2006-09-20 08:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At this point in your life you are only thinking about YOU.. and you should be thinking about your SON. Honey, wake up and take care of your son. Do you want your son to end up like your husband? I can guarentee you that he has already been subjected to the abuse whether you want to admit it or not. You have to be strong and do what is best for you and your child. The emotional & physical abuse will not end and in the end... someone will pay. Believe me.. In my line of work, I see a lot. And many times...... A body bag are the only way women get away from the abuse. THEN your child becomes the custody of the STATE!.. Are you willing to take the chance that that could be your child??? A child can grow up happy with one parent, children aren't stupid.... they see more than you will ever realize. Don't wait till its tooooo late.
2006-09-20 12:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by PoePoe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course every mother wants her child to grow up with both happy parents and that takes alot of work. But in order to do that u and ur husband really need to sit down and talk about whatever it is that is bothering him or yourself. Maybe considering time alone as a couple maybe a date, move, dinner or things like that help a marriage alot. Especially when you have an infant...it wears you out mentally and emotionally. Now if you see that it doesnt work try counseling. It takes alot but both of you all have to consider making a difference and so what if he is moody dont let him take advantage of thing because of that and dont let that scare u off. If not things will never make a difference. GOODLUCK!
2006-09-20 08:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety I am so sorry to hear about your relationship with your husband. I sympathize with you. It is good if parents can stay together for the children but unfortunately sometimes it is more harmful to the child if you try and stay. I heard Dr. Phil once say "I guarantee you that your child would rather come from a broken home than live in one". So as bad as I hate to say it you should leave him. Take a stand not only for yourself but for your son. You must be a very caring woman to be thinking of your sons feelings before your own. But hon, this isn't going to help your son by staying with his daddy. Your precious little boy will only grow up seeing his daddy belittle you & sometimes hit you. Your son will think this is acceptable behavior & perhaps go on to do his wife that way. Not to mention it will terrify him to see how how daddy treats mommy & he will feel like it is his fault & he will feel helpless & scared. It will scar him. Your son will not grow up happy. There is a man out there that will treat you & your son with the love and respect that you deserve. This man doesn't love you or he wouldn't do you this way & if you dig deep down in your heart can you honestly say that you love him or even respect him or that you are happy? You have grounds for divorce. Do it for your son. Do it for you. Remember that God loves you. And if you do divorce him it doesn't always mean it is final. Pray for him. God could change his heart but you can't wait around you need to get out now. Get out & let God deal with him. In the meantime work on loving yourself & your son. Life is too short. Please don't settle for less than you 2 deserve. I wish you the best of luck. God bless.
2006-09-20 08:19:13 · answer #4 · answered by Sugar Dumplin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The child will not benefit by living in a house where his mother is abused whether physical or emotional. Yet you claim to love this man. I think you should examine these feelings. you have a young chid, perhaps you both need some space from time to time, that is your time to relax and recover. But if things dont improve dont become a victim. If you stick it out and it doesnt work then you risk your own mental state and self worth as well as negatively influencing the child. I hope you can make the right decision. good luck.
2006-09-20 08:21:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, there are so many things wrong with what you're doing I don't know where to start. Avoiding- not a good word to have to use when talking about our spouses. Your size descriptions imply fear of him hurting you. If you love him with all your heart where is the love of your child? You as mother must put the child's welfare before your own. Do you want your son displaying the same character as his father? Can you use a little role reversal to get your husband to see the light? The age difference is a non-issue. There are so many things we need to know to be able to council you wisely. What are his issues? Is there a pattern to your problems?Do you have the support of family? You can not feep suppressing your feelings! It is not healthy and can lead to more serious problems, like violence.
2006-09-20 08:21:28 · answer #6 · answered by Karen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave because not only are you doing harm to yourself, you are doing harm to your child because your child see and hear all this. You are teaching your child early that it is alright to be like that toward a woman or you are teaching your child that it is alright to be abused. You may seem like you are keeping it from your child but a child has more insight than what people give them credit for. How in the world could you ever think that your child can grow up happy, when there is yelling, screaming and crying in the home? You should pray for things to get better and seek marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to go, you should go for yourself so you can build enough strength and esteem to leave this unhealthy situation. Take care.
2006-09-20 08:15:34 · answer #7 · answered by sam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat as you I have two girls and a very abusive EX husband.
It may be important for a child to have both parents but do you want your son to grow up thinking that the way his father acts is okay? child that live with abuse will become offenders please for your safety and that of your child at least try and get some counsuling it may save your life and that of your son or futur grandchildren
2006-09-20 08:09:42 · answer #8 · answered by friendjen2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is emotionally and physically abusive at any time with you get out and get away with your son. He will eventually do the same thing to your child and you are afraid of the child growing up without both parents? Is it better that the child is brought up in an environment of emotional and physical abuse that could scar him the rest of his life. Get out NOW!!!!
2006-09-20 08:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by goodbye 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When i man hits or beat his wife he lost all respect for her, therefore he don't love her, He only care for himself and what he say goes. Both should be equal and he should not treat you like that, i know its very hard but you have to make your deicision early, for your son sake. I child growing up in an abusive home will have alot of emotional feelings.
You and your husband should seek counciling and if not seperate. You desire better.
2006-09-20 08:14:17 · answer #10 · answered by *Cutie* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know that you will hurt your child more if you stay and take the abuse. You son will grow up just like his dad. Do you want that?? You need to make a plan to leave. For you son's sake.
2006-09-20 08:49:59 · answer #11 · answered by dbender705 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋