this sounds stupid but i need to know how to stop loving someone who does not love me anymore. i need to know what i have to do to make myself strong enough to not have an interest in this person. please don't answer if you intend to be cruel with your answers.
2006-09-20 07:59:48 · 29 answers · asked by mercedes1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The key here is NOT to figure out how to stop loving him. You can't make yourself not love someone. Love just is.
The key to ending your own misery is to allow yourself to continue loving him... knowing that you may have a special place in your heart for him for the rest of your life... as your first love... as the one who got away... as the one you loved more than you'd ever loved anyone... as whatever he has been for you... but to continue loving him the way you never stop loving a grandparent just because they died... the way you never stopped loving a pet because they ran away.
The difference is not in trying to stop your feelings. The difference is that you allow yourself to continue loving someone who, for whatever reason, you just can't be with right now. The same way you say goodbye in your heart to someone who dies or moves away or doesn't stay in touch is the way you say goodbye in your heart to someone who doesn't love you back.
Never try to stop love. Only learn to adjust the relationship you have with this person who you still love. Adjustment is difficult... but certainly possible to do, especially as you both move on with your lives. Ripping out your own heart and making yourself stop loving someone... well... it's fairly impossible.
I wish you well as you make the necessary adjustments... and I'm happy for you that you did find someone to love and I know you'll find another love in time to come. It doesn't mean that this guy won't go down in the books as someone special, just that he won't be the forever person you spend the rest of your life with. Keep on loving... and keep on moving when it doesn't work out.
My best to you...
2006-09-20 08:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably don't want to hear this but, time is the only answer. There is no magic wand to take it away. Wait until you have let it go before dating again or you could make mistakes with this person.
I know, right now you cannot even imagine this feeling leaving you. I know. But I promise it will, but be patient, it could be a month or a few months. There is no set time frame, so, again, be patient with yourself.
Go out with friends keep busy and in time, the "feeling" will go away. I know it's easier said than done right now with the way you feel, but give time a chance and you will see the results.
I am sorry to hear you are down and I wish the best for you. And hey, maybe when time heals your pain the guy who deserves you will come around.
Take care
2006-09-20 17:33:02 · answer #2 · answered by Martin M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that there simply isnt an on/off switch when it comes to these sorts of feelings, believe me, this comes from personal experience. The fortunate part of this is that you've already admitted that this person doesnt love you and that the relationship is not going to fly. The truth of the matter is that the only answer is time itself. These situations have an uncanny way of working themselves out, the bad part is that there is no designated time frame. I'd advise against taking my course of action, which was this: I began drinking everyday and eventually tried to kill myself, lol, even though that may not sound like a laughing matter, I am able to look back at it now laugh at how stupid and unreasonable I had behaved. Although the sole reason for my depression wasnt only a destructive relationship but also other things that were happening at the same time. Now that my rambling is over, I'd just have to tell you to be cool. Think about it, you have to tell yourself to move on, regardless of what you believe, this person is not coming back, its time to dissolve this part of your life and simply let go. I don't know why its so hard, it seems as if our brains just hardwired that way. The good thing that I can tell is the fact that after you get over it, you will be a stronger person for it, I know I was. If I were you, I'd get a hobby, playing billiards, whatever the case may be. Find something to do besides work. I'd avoid plunging into a drunken stupor, I dare say that you'll find the results very unrewarding. I used sit awake at night wondering if there was a person out there for me, and to no avail. In these situations you just have to let nature take its course, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just move on. The only way to do this is to realize that you are not going to be better off feeling sorry for yourself. When you immurse yourself into something fun, it makes everything so much easier. Just remember that another relationship is not the answer, there isnt a magical person out there who will just make your feelings dissipate. If you take my advise please understand that its not an instant quick fix, but it is the truth and in the end, the truth is all we have.
-J.
2006-09-20 15:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by Jason 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
stopping to love someone is really hard, especially when you try to forget all about him, but the more you do this, the more you miss him. here are some tips:
- box his things. this will help you to forget him a little. not seeing his things is a good start.
- stop listening love songs for awhile, especially those songs you sing together.
-go out with friends and meet people.
-do some charity work.
-go to gyms
-do some cooking, ironing, or any household chores you know better.(when i'm upset i prefer ironing)
-go to salons. being down will make you ugly, especially when you cry so much (my eyes were bulky when i do the "crying time")
-most especially, learn to forgive and forget, because the more you hold on to him, the harder it is for you to stay strong.
-pray. nothing's more powerful than this.
2006-09-20 15:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by _cries_ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound stupid at all. You're going to have to adapt and get into the mindset of looking out for #1...and that's you. It may be a little difficult at first, but once you start doing things for yourself, it will become much easier. Go out and do the things that YOU like to do and don't be afraid of what others may think.
2006-09-20 15:06:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to focus on yourself for awhile. Read watch movies go out with friends. Get a new hair style, learn a new skill. Heck even cleaning your house will make you feel a little better and everyday it'll get a bit easier and you'll boost your self esteem.
2006-09-20 15:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by Seeker 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what your going through, I went through a Divorce about four years ago. At the time I thought my life was over. I thought of taking my life a few different times. I got down on my knees & cryed out to God, At the time I knew I needed some thing but I din't know what it was. I felt lost & hopelees, I felt like I couldn't go on living without my wife. ok thats a lie I didn't want to go on living with out her. we had been partners for 25 years. I didn't know anything else. but God sent someone into my life at that moment when I didn't want do go on living without some one.I know that if you turn things over to God he will take the pain away. he did it for me. & trust me when I tell you I was not worth it. he will fill the void you fill now. it's real easy just ask. you know the devil comes at us through all kinds of thing. He don't care if your down & out thats the best time for him, cause he knows he can play with your emotions. he knows your weak, don't give him that foot hold. you are to good for that. I learned a long time ago, why would I want to be with some one that dosen't want to be with me??? I know your hurting now but trust me when I say, that will pass in time. I pray that the holy spirte will watch over you & fill that part of your heart were it fills empty as you go through this The valley of the shadows of death. you shell fear no evil because he (God) is with you.because thats what this is, for you right now, from your old live to your new one, with some one that will Love you so very much more then you know & not just if you love him back but Forever. no matter what.
2006-09-20 15:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by JdWright 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its the nature of the good person what your situating is.. Its really hard to forget a person whom your truly love. better move out to some other place or concentrate in some other work which you like the most . In case it may also turn off your mind's problem...
2006-09-20 15:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is said that time heals all wounds. As time goes by, you will think about this person less and less. In the meantime, be active with all your other friends. You may find someone you want to get to know ... stay active .. That is the best thing to do in this situation ! :) Good Luck !
2006-09-20 15:02:12 · answer #9 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry sweetie, there is NO way to make yourself stop loving someone. I know it sucks but chances are you'll love them for the rest of your life. When my husband (now ex) asked me for a divorce I was heartbroken. We've been divorced now for 2 years, but there is still a part of me that loves him. It's okay to feel....
2006-09-20 15:02:09 · answer #10 · answered by m_t12481 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋