The guy will be so nice and sweet at the beginning. He'll brag about me to all his friends, we'll go nice places and do fun things. We completely bond on all levels. My friends like him, my family likes him. After 2 years, he proposes and tells me that I'm the one he wants for life. During the 4th year, he starts getting sloppy, forgets important things, he starts using me for money, he doesn't appreciate me like he used to. At this point I'm so emotionally involved that I don't know how to end the relationship. It's a messy breakup with tears and heartache and I'm left feeling used and torn up.
I've been in 2 relationships like this. I'm so glad I didn't marry them! Both times I thought I met the man of my dreams and they turned out to be losers. I have some female friends who went through similar things. Where are all the good guys out there? These good-guy-wanna-be losers are make the genuine guys look bad! I'm so tired of being hurt!
2006-09-20 07:56:56 · 23 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Honey, love can be a lose-lose situation. There is so much involved...and it's not fair, everyone knows that. But that's life, it's just not fair. Everyone experiences heartache and pain, especially in love. But this is what it's about...we learn from our mistakes, which shape our lives, and we pick ourselves up and move on...preparing ourselves for the next time we get knocked down. I can lay bets you are stronger and wiser because of these two bad relationships. And time is of the essence...it will take time. Lots of time! But it will happen baby girl...just keep your chin up, let your hair down, and live your life! You're gonna find someone someday, somehow. "Refuse to be discouraged about the past, choose to look forward to the future." Good luck to ya.
2006-09-20 08:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by Meghan L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Relationships have developmental levels. during the first level or phase both of you are putting your best foot forward. this is the commonly called Honeymoon phase. this can last for long periods. then they develope into a conflicting stage where both individuals start to find faluts previously hidden by both individuals during the honey moon phase. if the relationship lasts through this phase then it developes into other stages. it just sounds like your relationships have taken longer to for you to relise all the faults and end the relationship. some may say that your have a fear of commitment and thus sabotage teh relationship or may be that the other party in the relationship has this condition.
In my experience one must work at a relationship for it to work. this is a life long commitment to the other persons care and purely selfless action.
Finally I am sorry that your feeling have been hurt, but you must look at what you are doing in the relationships rather than focusing on the bad points of your former partners try focusing on yourself, and what you would like to improve about you. become self reliant and the real man of your dreams will come to walk with you.
2006-09-20 08:14:35 · answer #2 · answered by reispinscher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are good guys out there. I'm married to one of them. My husband was a rebound from my ex-fiance (who sounds similar to the guy you were with). What I've learned is Communication. If he starts to act differently, talk to him about it. Don't attack him, just let him know how you feel. If he's not interested then he's not good enough for you.
You stated that you found this out after 4 years? There had to have been signs before that. Unfortunately us women like the idea of our Prince Charming which in turn causes blinders to go up until it's too bad to ignore. I've done that, many of us have. I'm not saying to go into a relationship being a demanding b***h. I'm just saying to try (and I know it's hard) to keep your eyes wide open.
It will happen when it's supposed to. Everything happens for a reason. All these events are bringing you one step closer to the life and person you are meant to have.
Good Luck with everything!
2006-09-20 08:05:16 · answer #3 · answered by Julie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the only one, I have been there and done that a few too many times. I am married to a country boy and have been for over 15 years and 5 children and no our marriage is not perfect but at least he has a good job and is fairly good with our children. Other than that we are like night and day, I love operas and broadway, hiking and the outdoors he prefers to be a remote control jockey and does not think that a shower is a daily need. Instead of fighting and trying to do what is next to impossible ( changing him) I left the business that I love dearly ( I have been in the restaurant business for 27 years from management to catering) and returned to school to pursue a degree in eventually forensics. I choose to make a life for myself to set goals for myself and to push myself to be what I gave up dreams of doing. You have to make a conscious choice to do for yourself, to make the kind of life that you want to have love will eventually come to you karma makes sure of that, my soulmate was in front of me my whole life but became too involved in drugs to fight for our relationship I think about him all of the time and we are actually best friends. I still dream of what might have been because we are both from the same worlds but sometimes things change for reasons that we don't see, I have 5 beautiful children maybe that was my karmic change. Take care and focus on yourself.
2006-09-20 08:10:07 · answer #4 · answered by osu2720@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you sound very wise and intellegent, and u obiously feel very used and emotionally hurt. If you let go of him now and put a stop to this horrible marriage yeah, there will be heartaches for both of you all. But u need to think about yourself and whats going to make you happy and obiously its not him. I think once you do this you will go through bumps here and there but in the end you will feel better about your self and your well being. Maybe then it will give you time and better experience on finding MR. RIGHT. I hope my suggestion helps you. Goodluck! :)
2006-09-20 08:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you get engaged and don't have a date set and a hall rented in 3 mos the guy has to go. Start by judging them by their job. Not how much they make but, how long they've been with the same company. If it's less than five years don't even go on a date. Second if the inside of his car smells or has trash in it when you ride in it for the first time get rid of him. This is how he will treat all his things car, house, wife, kids etc.
2006-09-20 08:00:54 · answer #6 · answered by Seeker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, i have been through the same stuff. now i know you are hurting right now, but listen...quit focusing on how bad your realtionships turn out, have you ever heard about the law of attraction? the more power you give a thought or a feeling or a desire(good or bad) the more the universe gives it too you. focus on the happy times of the past relationships, and try not to focus on when and how it is or did go wrong, you unmderstand? if you need anyone to talk to let me know. e-mail me at sarahull2003@yahoo.com
2006-09-20 08:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from, totally. The reason the guys end up acting this way is because you train them to. You may not do it consciously, but you do it nonetheless. It sounds to me that you are an enabler and are too eager to please. Before you get into another relationship, you should take a moment's reflection and see which of your behaviors you need to change.
2006-09-20 08:00:38 · answer #8 · answered by JenefaJean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to be treated like that you need to break down and tell him its over and i am done with you for the rest of my life and just go on and go about with your life there is a good guys out there somewhere! When you say he is sloppy he needs to clean up for himself! I've been there and done that! Just tell him its over and i am done with you!
2006-09-20 08:03:51 · answer #9 · answered by sharon martin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sad for you. But you are not the only one who is going through with this pain. Try to move on, be happy, you still have your health, your self and you. So just move on and next time take your time. At least you don't have to deal with them any more so why worries.
2006-09-20 08:01:12 · answer #10 · answered by Alisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋