Is there anyone out there who is married and is truly happy?

Question

I understand that marriage takes alot of work, by both people. How do you get your spouse to work with you? How long can it last? My parents have been married for 50yrs so I know it can be done, but people don't have the same commitment that people used too.
PS...I'm working on my second divorse, I can't do it my myself!!!

Answer 1

I am. :)
Have been married 15 years, have two wonderful children.
In the 17 years we've know each other, we've never once had a "fight," never once raised our voices at each other in anger. We're very, very different, but we both accept the other for what they are, and revel in the differences. Any problems or issues that come up we talk out, and we've never had an issue that we couldn't come to some kind of agreement on in more than a day.

A good marriage really isn't that hard -- the most important thing it takes is trust that your partner would never do anything intentionally to hurt you, and that they have your best interests at heart. If you can both have a firm commitment to that principle, then you won't get hurt when they do something you don't like, 'cause you know they didn't do it to hurt you. You'll trust the other person to do what's right for the "couple" and the family. And you'll let go of selfishness that tries to get you to believe that you're more important than the family as a whole. In my experience, it's that selfishness that wrecks most marriages -- one or both feel that they're not getting what they deserve or want, or that the other person doesn't do enough for them, and it goes downhill from there.

Answer 2

I have been married for 8 years next month, my first marriage. My husband is a Saint... but he is a TRAINED saint. Here is what worked for me.... When we first got together he was one of those guys that "MOMMY" had done EVERYTHING for him, never did a dish or washed a load or anything. So from the very beginning I had to break him of that. Unlike most wives when their husbands said "I am hungry" I NEVER jumped up and said " well what would you like?" Instead I said "Well while you are cooking make me some too" and when he said he needed laundry I told him to throw mine in while he was at it. Alot of women try and do everything in the beginning to make their new husbands happy and then as time goes by peeter off and get mad when they don't help. Well if you make them help in the beginning they just don't know any better. We both work full time and have 4 children.. we share responisibily 50/50 who ever gets home first cleans, who ever is up at the time makes dinner, who ever is closest to the kid with the crappy pants changes them. We go out together on the weekends and during the week we have a "ladies night" and a "men's night". Most of my friends are finding baby sitters for "ladies night" cause their hubbies won't watch the kids... well at our house, if you want to go out on men's night you had better watch the kids for me on ladies night. It is a VERY equal marriage. In the past 8 years maybe 1 time have we even talked about splitting up and it was for like 2 minutes, we don't fight, we never have pushed, punched or in anyother way physically hurt eachother, and we keep any arugments that we do have civil (there is no war on lets see who can say the lowest blow). This all has worked for me and We are very happy (I am 26, he is 27) and for a younger couple we don't have the problems that most of my friends do where they are still "partying" or the hubby is and the wife is at home with the kids, because I never let that happen.....
Best advice is to start at the beginning what you want it to be like in 15 years.... If you are gonna start off doing all the house work and all the cooking and taking care of the kids well then don't be mad when he comes to expect it of you.
Hope this helps

Answer 3

I too am divorced, but I finally got it right the second time. People today jump into marriage so fast, they have no idea what the other person is like. You have to be friends above all. I found a man who likes to talk about our problems and resolve them as fast as we can. He is funny and very loving. People don't really listen to the "better or for worse" part. There is going to be bad days, and there will be good days as well. Problem is, people don't like to wait for the good days. Always make sure that the person you settle down with will take care of you if anything were to happen and vice versa. Marriage is the hardest job, but you can do it. It takes love, patience, and understanding. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes . My wife is happily married. All jokes aside. We have been married for 12 years and are still very happy. There is an age difference of 12 years between us. The secret is communication and co-operation. I have seen too often on these questions that woman complain about there husbands not their fair share in a marriage. It is a partnership and couples should do things together as well as for each other.

Answer 5

I understand about not being able to do it by yourself. I am in my second marriage and I am very happy. we have been together for only 2 yrs now but in the 10 yrs of my first marriage we were already having many problems. I have found that if you sit and talk about what is going on then things will be allot better. Never go to bed mad at each other it causes problems also. My husband always talk things out before it grows. Always pick your issues also, let the piddly things go and work out the big ones.

Answer 6

Yes, I am married and truly happy. I think a big part of making it work comes from our commitment to each other. Divorce isn't an option for us. We decided that before we committed ourselves to each other. (I'm not saying that divorce isn't the right thing to do in certain situations, just that it isn't an option for me in my marriage.) Knowing that has helped us to see the big picture and to work together. I would highly recommend reading the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. This book is amazing and if applied can save almost any marriage. It's really applicable to almost any type of relationship. I've included a link to Gottman's website. Check it out. It can only help, right?

Answer 7

I have been with my husband since I was 12 years old. I have lived with him since I was 16...I am 23 now. We have been through hell and back...and I mean it. BUT we believed in our vows. Through thick and thin...and whether it is you messing up or your spouse you are suppose to support them and deal with what is going on instead of saying DIVORCE all the time. Me...I was the revengeful type...which kind of helped me out...the way I looked at it was if he did something hurtful to me.. I was going to do it to him but even worse. It takes alot to stay with someone... but if you love them and I mean really love them....there should be NOTHING that would come between you. Honestly the woman is the backbone of the marriage...we are the ones that keep it together....any way that we can. There is no such thing as 50/50. When I finally realized this, it was right after I had my son...and now our relationship has been great since. We don't even argue now...

Answer 8

I think there are people who are married and happy for a long time. I think it requires communication and a spirit of cooperation and compromise.

Also, I think expectations enter into it as well. If you expect too much from your mate, you won't be happy. It is only in the modern era that we put so much pressure on our mates to be our be-all, end-all. It used to not be this way.

Answer 9

We have been married for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs. We talk, he takes the children away while I take a break. He cooks dinner on the weekend and sometimes breakfast on the weekend. He won't wash the dishes or fold the clothes but he helps in other ways.

Answer 10

I got married two months ago. Both people need to communicate. Communication is the main thing. If you do not communicate with each other about your feelings then it will not work out very well.