about breakup?

Question

Hello, about 4 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend….. I was with him for 2 years. He was upset but agreed to break up. Since then I regret the breakup and feel lost without him. For the first 3 months, we where friends. I would still see him every 2 weeks and we would go for lunch or dinner to talk as friends. But I was having hope he would come back to me. I would ask him over and over if we could try our relationship again, that I love him and want to work us out. He replied no, and cant go back.. that his feelings aren’t the same. He said I am in denial and I need to move on….. so I said fine and left it at that. Then about 3 weeks ago from today I had to pick up a dvd that he had of mine- so I went to his house. And he didn’t want me to leave….. he asked if we can go to dinner and I said sure. While we where driving he wouldn’t stop starring at me and touching my face.. saying how beautiful I am ect… when we go to the restaurant the same thing- he wouldn’t even eat his food- he just kept starring at me….I was uncomfortable and said stop starring at me- he said I cant help it after that we left the rest. And I went home- from that day on I called him twice and he didn’t return my call- then I tried again and he did call me back- I said can you stop by I need to talk to you- he said sure. When he came by I said danny lets give us another chance. Again, he said no- my heart is not in it anymore. He said stop holding on and move on. I started to cry cause I don’t understand this? I said what about when I saw you last week? You where all in love with me again- he was just being nice. I know what I felt- it wasn’t that- he was all gaga over me. He said he is sorry but doesn’t feel the same. When I started to cry- he said you where the best girlfriend I ever had Vanessa. I said if I was then why are you just giving up and walking away? He said cause this is how he feels. After that day- I called him the next morning and told him I can no longer be friends with him – cause its only making me hope he will come back to me. He said I wish we didn’t have to do that. I said well it’s the best for me- I need to move on like you stated …. He said ok I understand……. And he said again he is sorry he doesn’t care anymore for me. So after this I haven’t called him at all and vice versa…….. its now been 3 weeks. I am sooo confused and soo hurt- why is he doing this? And acting this way? Can you please give me some helpful advice? I am soooo confused at this point. But I am sticking to my guns and not calling him anymore.

Thank you kindly! Vanessa

Answer 1

Not calling him and not seeing him is the best thing you can do. He's already said several times that it was over. What you really needed was closure. I've never been able to maintain a friendship with someone that I had been serious with after we had broken up. It's too heart wrenching. Moving on usually means breaking off any contact with that person.

Also, continuing to see him and ask him to try the relationship probably came off as being too needy and clingy which can be a total turn off for a guy. Sometimes the best way to get a guy to come back is to actually ignore him and start dating someone else. Too bad for him if you decide to stick with the new guy.

I say throw yourself back into the pool and get your rebound date over with.

Answer 2

Good for you don't call him that little display was a sexual coersion it had probably been awhile and while he isn't in love with you any more he feels safe with you so he gave it the old hey baby mojo when that passed he was right back to the same old deal boys can switch gears on a dime. Any how the truth is when it's over it hurts just take a deep breath and the plunge go out this weekend get a phone number or two you don't have to call them just get back in the game you'll be ok. Good Luck

Answer 3

That is a very sad story. It really sounds like he is the one in denial. I have been there myself. You may need to give him a lot of time to get realize his feelings. He may never realize his feelings and just keep them bottled up his whole life. You need to go and find happiness and not count on him. It sounds like your first decision hurt him deeply, but he is a man and wont admit it and wont let you fix it. I am guessing from your description and the way he is acting that he is about 22 years old. Someday he may grow out of it. At the same time you do need to understand that you had a big part of this and you need to accept your role in this too. How would you feel, could you trust this person again, could you tell them what they had done to you??

Answer 4

You already know what you should do. You want confirmation? Ok, fine. Move on.

Answer 5

Good. . . Move on. As they say, for every window that closes, there's another door that opens. He doesn't deserve you. . . and believe me, it will be his loss.