OK the typical answer to this Q is no but ill try again. My baby father beat me up and that is why i am here in WI. He wants me to come home and he has promised me that he has changed. He says i was wrong for taking Jonna(baby) to a whole other state and keeping her away at such a young age(she was 2months when we left shes 5months now). I told him he was wrong to beat me and he said that we both made mistakes. one of his cousins was shot and paralyized about a montha go and another cousin was shot and killed about 4 days ago. I love him still and such and she IS is first born. Has he suffered enough? Should I go home?
2006-09-20 06:21:50 · 37 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Was I wrong for taking her to another state?
2006-09-20 06:27:37 · update #1
no no no !!! Honey once he beats you it will never stop.It may get better for a little while but it will happen all over again. If you want her to remember her father then send him pictures through a family member and vice versa. How do you know he isn't going to come after you ? The next time he beats you,you and your child might one or both be killed. You and your baby deserve better than that. So please donot go back because if you do your family may see you next time at the morgue. I am not saying this to be funny. I was in an abusive relationship. I was promised it would never happen again but it always did. He would bring me flowers,take me out to eat,shopping,etc but then any one thing might blow it out of proportion and it would start again. I was dragged out of bed one nite and beat in the living room and that was when I made up my mind to get out. Thank god I did, I still loved him to till the day he died. He was drinking and fell asleep with candles burning and to think I could have been with him. My son still has his mother,ME. So listen to your head on this one and not your heart.Donot believe it because it is a control issue and it will never stop no matter what he says to you. I know you love him but donot believe him because it is just a lie.You will get over it in time honey.Keep alot of other adults with kids around you,family and friends and you will be strong for you and your daughter and survive to meet someone better one day.
2006-09-20 06:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by copperfish310 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"OK the typical answer to this Q is no but ill try again"
It's so sad to me that you answered this question yourself...and you know it's the RIGHT answer, but it's not the answer you want. You will go back to him. There is something in you that leads you to believe this man loves you, despite him having beaten you. You need to turn that little voice off, and look at your baby, and understand that if this man can beat YOU, the mother of his child, what's to stop him from beating this innocent child, too? If the first beating wasn't a good enough wake-up call, going back to him and getting beat again won't be enough, ever. You'll stay with him, and raise the baby with him, and that baby will grow up thinking it's okay for daddy to beat up mommy. What happens if you die? If his cousins are getting shot left and right, this to me says he hangs with a violent group of people. Why do you want to be a part of this? He is not the one suffering....it's your baby. She comes first, ALWAYS AND FOREVER. You've got to realize that.
Don't go back to him. Don't feel sorry for him. Don't even love him. Stay put. It would be such a huge mistake to go back, only to be treated the same.
2006-09-20 07:07:38 · answer #2 · answered by SassySours 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all; he beat you up, and you're thinking about taking him back? That is crazy! You need to know that if he beat you once he will beat you again; only the next time you may not be as fortunate! Once a beater always a beater! Don't put your child in danger, keep her away from him until he gets professional help! There are hotlines to call about these situations! Stay away until you know for certain he's seeing an anger management counciler; then let him know you have to have proof, then mabee on your terms eventially meet him in public place so he can see his daughter! Good Luck and get a restraining order on him!
2006-09-20 06:32:01 · answer #3 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, answer is still NO. You should ask yourself if you've suffered enough. If your answer is no, then go back. But to bring your daughter into that mess is wrong. I was in an abusive relationship for 9 years, I can't tell you how many times I heard "I've changed" Plus, if young men are being killed where he is, sounds like a lot of gang violence. Do you really want your daughter around that life-style. Your not wrong for taking your daughter to another state, your protecting her, that's what mother's do. Unfortunately they need protected from their fathers sometimes. Even though you think he would not physically hurt her, him hurting you would do just as much, if not more damage to her.
2006-09-20 06:37:26 · answer #4 · answered by Amy P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you were right to fallow your motherly instinct for protecting your daughter from a stressfull environment. Your own husband could even admit to you if you asked him if it was a stressfull environment! You know that deep down inside, you don't want your lil girl to be around an abusive daddy! If it weren't for you to be there and keep her safe, who would it be? Social workers perhaps. If he truely got his so called, "HELP"! Ask him where he went to get it! He's going to have to prove it first before you'de believe him! My husband would never lay a finger on me and he knows that if he did that crap, I'd get him back 10 times worse!!!!The answer to your question is to ask yourself! "have I suffered enouph? Or do you want to go back for more? If anything,keep the baby safe! Sometimes when people say that they have changed they only say it and do it for a short period of time before they return back and resort to abusing you again!!!!!
I know, my dad was like that! but she is the most important thing that you should be worring about right now above anyone else especial the one that said that they'd love and protect you and then betrayed that trust! All I can say is to give it time because I think that it takes time in order to change and it takes less time to know that you want to change. Every one is different but I think that you should really consider your childs safety! and your own........This very important because he may just be luering you over there just to hurt you more and you don';t even know if there is a next time or even if he's having an affair and is plotting your death! Which happens all the time! So be very carefull around unpredictable people such as him because he sounds to me like he's a dangerous person!
THIS IS THE BEST ANSWER!
2006-09-20 06:48:22 · answer #5 · answered by Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh no honey please do not go back. He is not going to change especially if he has not tried to get professional help. The next time could be a matter of life or death. You or the baby could get seriously injured. If he so desires to see his child seek out a third party arrangement. Whereas you, he, the baby and another party meet in a public place. This is for your own safety. Maybe you can find a counselor in your area who could work with you on meeting with him. First try meeting just the two of you with the counselor then try to incorporate meeting with the baby. Once you all are able to meet for a while maybe then you can trust him enough to take the baby for visits
2006-09-20 06:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know that most men that say they will no beat again do? If it is not the first time it won't be the last and even if it was the first then there is more of a chance it will happen again then it won't. Is that what you want you daughter to see and know. When he beats you he is showing her that it is alright for someone to beat her. She will connect love with beatings that is what is being shown to her. There is no reason to beat a woman or a man. You may love him but if he loved you then he wouldn't of beat you. He needs help and until he gets it you should stay away.
2006-09-20 06:30:24 · answer #7 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a lawyer and file for child support. Don't ever put yourself or your child in danger again.
He may claim he has changed, but dollars to doughnuts he will say anything to get you back under his control. I would suspect that if you analyze your past history with him he is manipulative and a control freak.
A change from a girlfriend/wife beater is not something that happens in a few months. He needs intensive counseling and anger management to overcome his issues. This would likely take a year to eighteen months before it had any true affect on him. And then only supervised visitation in public places.
Stay away from him, because if you go back, and get beat up again, you will hear the same story again, and again, and again.
2006-09-20 06:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No!!!! You were not wrong. Love doesn't suppose to hurt. When his hands or fist or whatever he hit you with touched your face, it hurt. I don't care how many mistakes you've made, or what he is going through in his life right now or in the past. He has no right to hit you. That is not cool. If you go back, he may beat you for leaving and this time you may not recover. You have a daughter who is one day going to grow up to be a woman. What would you tell her if she asked you the same question you are asking us. Would you tell her to go back and continue to take this person's abuse or would you tell her to run like the wind? Don't go back. PLEASE!!! Because if he has done it once, he WILL do it again and again. Love ain't what it says, it's what it does. If it does nothing, It ain't love. I can tell my cat I love him but if I don't take care of him and show him love he'll die. Just like that "man" (and I use that term loosely) If he loved you and your daughter he would have not laid a hand on you.
Just think about it.
2006-09-20 06:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly not to take your child back to him. You were strong enough to leave in the first place, doesn't matter how far away you are. if he has changed so much, why should you uproot your life. let him go there and find a place if his daughter is that important to him, but not your place. Do not go back, you will be foolish as you cannot change the spots on a leopard. You will be making a big mistake and might not make it out alive the next time. think of your child first and you. He wants you to feel sorry for him and you are falling for it.
2006-09-20 06:34:58 · answer #10 · answered by Tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋