Help...advice anyone?

Question

I'm having a crisis. I'm a college student and I don't know who the hell I am. I wake up every day and just go through the motions. I'm there, but not really there... I don't know what to say or how to act around people, and when I am around people I'm completely silent. I have very few friends. I feel my life is falling apart. It's been this way for awhile, but I don't know what to do. I'm afraid something terrible is going to happen. Any life-saving advice?

Answer 1

As a mom, your posting broke my heart and right now, I'm giving you a cyber hug! ;-)

Now for the mom advice...what you are feeling is not abnormal in any way so don't think you are alone - you are not. Everyone goes through those feelings at some point in their life and choosing to end your life does not solve the problem.

My escape was acting in plays - it gave me the opportunity to express myself without people actually knowing how I felt. Not always the right way, but it was the answer I gave myself at the time.

Find your own escape - something that pleases you whether you are by yourself, with someone you love or with a group of friends. Hiking, biking, photography, volunteer work at a local school or with the elderly. Something that is rewarding for you. Give yourself and you will get back ten fold. Perhaps your college has a club you have interest in, this way you can make friends with people who like the same things and are in your age group.

My problem was always when I was around people I was so nervous I'd end up saying something stupid or inappropriate. I've learned over the years it really is okay to have silence in a conversation.

You could get a dog, they are a lot of work, but they bring joy to your life and never ask for anything in return except food and love (and they don't talk back!!!). LOL And it's important to keep your sense of humor too! When I'm down, just having my dog near me makes me feel good whether we're watching t.v., throwing the ball around or going for a walk. Take your dog to an obedience class and you will meet other people with a similar interest. You may not have time for a dog, so don't get one until you're ready to make the committment.

If you try to implement some kind of change like this, don't expect instant gratification. You may get it, but don't expect it because I don't want you to give up. Keep trying or try something new...you'll find your niche.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for yourself - not for anyone else. Since you're in college, free time is probably sparce so make sure no matter what you do, you make time for yourself. Schedule an hour like you would a class and do something. Workout, go to the park, call a friend, go to the movies (yes, alone is okay) or play pampered princess (take a long hot bath, do your nails, etc.).

If you feel things are soooo severe and cannot find light at the end of the tunnel, call someone for help. It could be a family member, friend or even the police. Get the help you need. It took me years to figure out it was okay to get counseling. Talking about your feelings to an expert can shed light on your life and make you feel a whole lot better.

If the doc prescribes medication, don't be afraid of taking it. Just make sure you keep in contact with the doc about how the medicine makes you feel. I have a friend who was on Paxil and it didn't really help him. Now he's on Zoloft and he feels like himself again. They work differently on people so just be aware and be open with the doc about everything.

You are very brave in coming forward on this open forum. That speaks volumes of the type of person you are. You are strong and determined and you're not going to let anything bring you down! Remember that and remember there are people out there who care about you...yes, even total strangers! ;-)

Answer 2

What you are experiencing is a common thing. I would definitely talk to a professional about it if you are feeling that bad about it. I know I feel that way from time to time and I have been out of school for 14 years! I find that if you set up a goal for yourself, something to look forward to, then life doesn't seem so monotonous and pointless. I like to travel, so I make sure I have a trip planned in the future at any one time. You need to have something to look forward to. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. By the sounds of things, you have some friends. Are they good friends? Even if you have only 1 good friend it is better than having 100 mediocre or bad friends.
What also can help is if you sit down and make a list of all the good things in your life. You have a place to stay, food in your stomach, a future (you're in college aren't you) etc. I don't know you, so it's hard for me to list any more, but I am sure you have a lot to be thankful for. All of us usually do. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

I know that feeling. Look at it like this - no-one knows you better than yourself. don't get caught up in sticking a mental health disorder on your forehead when you speak to careers advisors or interview people- that's the last thing you should do, because you need direction and dumping it on depression won't help.

It sucks that you haven't many friends, going to college is about meeting people, you're not invisible even you want to be. If you're just caught up in internal dialogue you have to learn to control that and you might find you're angry at things you didn't realise. or just confused, a lot of people are. so you may have to learn how to confront a few things.

what drove me crazy at college was the people who were so into everything, so interested when i couldn't have cared less about my studies. it's easy to become alienated.when i had that feeling 'something terrible was going to happen', it actually did, and it was my own big dumb fault. it could have been a hell of a lot worse, that it happened spoke for itself. that's a bad trap to fall down in. don't go there, it's not worth it.

whatever you're studying you should know that it'll only work out if you pass the course AND choose a sensible option for what comes next. the best thing to do is to inject some healthy risk into your life and do something adventurous, like a martial art or a rock band, because you should be experimenting and learning. Don't lie down and die just yet.

Answer 4

Join on-campus groups, go out with the friends you do have, think of joining a sorority (normally I woun't condone this, but I think it may work for you in this case), make sure you are involved with the parties going on, etc. Every day try to just say a little more to someone you don't know. Start small, like with just a smile at somone you don't know and then build up to saying hello and try small talk eventually when you feel comfortable enough. Study groups are even good for this because you already have a topic to talk about. If you are comfortable enough, I'd try talking to a therapist about how you could branch out there more as well.

Answer 5

You'll most likely change a bit if you visit on here a little more frequently. Here on Yahoo! Answers. Read resolved questions or answer questions as you please... just don't forget to be nice. Here you will learn a lot of things... most q&a's here are useful and informative. You'll even develop your communication skills and might later apply them in actual conversations. I imagine that you are rather preoccupied with other things or thoughts that are somewhat negative. Like, you're assuming ahead that something terrible is going to happen to you... like what terrible thing for example? Com'on... focus instead on the "now", but if you find the "now" is somewhat not giving you anything good at all, come on here and look for anything that will interest you. It's not difficult to find interesting q&a's here. Trust me. *blows a kiss and winks at her* ^__^

Answer 6

I was in the same state not too long before..first thing i did is change the way i look at life..list all the good things i have . Then take good long vacation, meet total strangers, walk along a remote beach, study about new culture, go to a new city..when you come out of all this , you are a new person ...

Answer 7

Take it easy and take for sure that a lot of people feel or felt the same at this age. Just remember thath you are not alone. There is always people who is more used to deal with the social stuff than others. I am introverted and i don't think there is nothing wrong with it. Thanks God you have some friends! It´s always good to have good company (i hope they are).

Answer 8

Existentially nothing wrong , if the description is entire and nothing more to it.
If the silence is also from within to a reasonable extent, then such doubts do not arise.
Just keep awareness sharp and alert, you will evolve into deeper levels of perceptions, deep enough to know from within, most of the answers to such questions , fundamental to life.

Answer 9

first of all don't let fear overtake you, just relax, take things easy, you need to engage yourself in SIMPLE and FUN activities, even with people you don't know, that might even be better, if you can go away for sometime, do that.
believe in yourself, no other person is better than you, so if your with people, don't feel "small" if you can't share their conversations, the problem isn't you, it's just that their conv. don't interest you, but you have your interests for sure, so try to share those with people caring to listen
I hope I've helped, contact me if you need anything else

Answer 10

You might need to get checked for depression. You are in between that child and all grown up stage and it can be hard. No one really knows who they are, but you kinda start to figure it out in your 30's. Stay in school, exercise, go out with friends more often, and call a doctor.