Does it stem from poor compromising? Where one person makes a compromise and doesn't feel the other person is making a equal one so resentments build up over time? (Being valued)
Or is it getting comfortable and not putting any effort into what your partner is going through? (To value)
Or is it some other thing I can't think of?
2006-09-20 05:55:33 · 12 answers · asked by parkdad73 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's both and it all starts with lack of communication. How can we come up with a compromise or even know what each other is going thru if we don't start communicating? Afterall, we're not mind readers now are we?
Another thing is we try so hard to change the other person that "when" they finally change, we complain about them not being the same person we fell in love with. Go figure.
2006-09-20 06:05:23 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the answer to your question lies in a person's definition of the word value. What is valuable to one person may not be the same for another. In a relationship it is important to talk about that. Another part is the interpretaion of the defination given to you by your partner. Example: Guy : I love sex Girl: I love to make love (or vice versa) There is a big difference... but i think you get it.
Relationships are an investment... and for anybody, a learning experience. No matter how many relationships a person has been in there is still more to learn. The new stuff is just about the person in general. Taking time to find this out is what gets people today. Society has created this world where everything is attainable NOW so very few people have developed patience.
The next thing is acceptance. Once you learn about a person you have to decide wether to accept them or to move on. Alot of people are in a hurry so they settle until the next best thing comes along. Result ... brake ups, divorce, and for the people who can't move on, a lot of unproductive fighting caused by resentment. Note: there IS such thing as productive fighting. lol
I hope this helps.
2006-09-20 06:36:45 · answer #2 · answered by chance_ghost 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel even though both of you want the same thing from eachother that sometimes you let what has happened in the past control how you react to the other person. so even if they are really sincere you cant except it which will cause confrontation. On the other sometimes in a relationship you do get comfortable to where you think the other person should know how you fell with out you showing it ,but in reality you should treat them the same as you did when you showed them exactly how you felt.this can cause lots of trouble to. so i think to stop fights we must say what we feel and what we need out of a relationship to work through the problems.
2006-09-20 06:30:30 · answer #3 · answered by rain20 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe to many people look for validation and happiness from others. You have to be self assured and comfortable with yourself before you can share with others. Validation, self esteem and love come from within.
Resentment builds from thinking that your opinion is worthless. If you let those emotions and feelings build, the dam finally breaks and it comes out in an arguement that dreges up every past feeling of injustice.
Communication is the key when it comes to resolving issues, don't be afraid to tell your partner how this or that makes you feel. Do so in a calm manner and after a while you will find your partner and yourself thinking of how the other will feel towards a certian response to an issue.
2006-09-20 06:16:54 · answer #4 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always thought of a relationship as a garden, if you don't tend to the garden, you will have weeds. it's not just compromise, it's being sensitive to the other person's needs, not being complacent, procrastinating, being too comfortable that you don't have to put any effort, like you said. You have to constantly maintain it. Just like a car or a garden. maintenance is what will keep balance in the relationship.
Read 7 habits..i think it will help you.
Well..sometimes it's the type of person you are married to. They are not smart enough to understand what relationship is all about. So i say knowledge is power!
2006-09-20 06:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is poor communication skills...men and women do want to feel they are valued....both, you are right about this, both men and women have issues here...mostly self inflicted, for they want to be noticed outwardly...if we were more in tune to each other and not ourselves then we would have less problems like these in our marriage. If we knew what the other person's love language was then we could know what to say to that person to give them the type of attention they would recognize helpful and gratitude would not be needed...but truly already felt, and this soul mate thing is beyond most comprehended existence...God did create that special someone for you...but that does not mean it will all be peachy...effort has to be put into the relationship...if we are to grow old together to learn each other would be of great importance to continue to tolerate each others differences!
2006-09-20 06:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is that and more. People jump into relationships without getting to know the other person. another reasons other than compatibility is that some people have different values in life and you will never be able to have a strong loving relationship with someone who has different values than you.
2006-09-20 06:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's all of the above, plus all the mundane things that people disagree on, plus the expectations that the other person has to change to suit our own needs; there are many more ways for things to go wrong than for them to go right.
2006-09-20 06:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The value,, we get complacent with out marriages,, no one wants to work at it,, do the things we did when dating,, and time marches on,, meet someone fun and makes us laugh,, looks good,, flirts,, end of game
2006-09-20 06:52:40 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all want to value and to be valued but we dont know how to value the other
2006-09-20 05:57:08 · answer #10 · answered by stamykati 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋