About 3 years ago, my wife and I joined a church. My job prevented me from going to church as often. My wife became friends with one of my mother's cousins in the church. He is an older guy, about 30 years older than my wife and I and I thought nothing of it. Well my wife gets it into her head to introduce this guy to her single mom. He meets her mom and says that she's nice but that he can't have any kind of romantic relationship with her because he's in love with my wife.
Well my wife tells him that he can't be in love with her because she's married.
My wife tells me this and says that she doesn't think that he's in love with her and that he is probably just glad that she talks to him. Well, my wife and I got into an argument and the first thing she does is go hang out with this guy until like 4am. We had some money problems and he gave her in excess of $4000 without me knowing..and now my wife tells me that she may be in love with him even though she still loves me?????
2006-09-20 05:48:23 · 23 answers · asked by maccleod1074 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ouch! :(
Time for your wife to make a choice. If she wants to save her marriage to you, she needs to stay away from that guy. Completely.
If she wants him instead of you, just let her go. Hard as this might be, if she really loves him she's only going to end up with him anyway and in the meantime, you'll be the one that suffers the emotional damage and you don't need that.
Personally, I don't think she loves him, I think she *believes* she does... he's been helpful, friendly and kind to her. She's spent a lot of time with him and enjoys his company. It's easy to get confused sometimes in a relationship like that. I think he's more of a best friend and she doesn't realize it. But she needs to stay away from him in order to make her marriage work and to see this for herself. :(
2006-09-20 05:56:52 · answer #1 · answered by Avid 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are "not just friends" which by the way a the title of a good book about affairs and recovery.
Offereing her in excess of 4000 bucks takes a lot more commitment than friendship through church. At the very least she is heavily involved in an emotional affair, but I suspect it has progress to a full blown affair.
If it were me, I would talk to the minister at the church as a starting point, give him the details and take his advice about your next steps.
2006-09-20 13:00:55 · answer #2 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a simmilar situation. I work with a guy that's about 67. I am 34. He always tells me he loves me, but he knows I am very much in love with my husband and family. I am very open with my husband. I never keep any secrets. My husband says this guy is just lonely and is glad to have someone to talk to. We solved this situation by inviting the older guy over for Family dinners and we include him in some of our activities.I think this allowed hime to see the commitment our family has. I was injured at work awhile back and this gentleman has helped us financially even though he knows I could never pay him back.(He is very wealthy.) This guy likes to watch football with my husband or work on my sons motorcycle. It makes him feel needed.I guess getting older is probably harder on a guy than it is on a girl. On the other hand if your wife wants to sell her integrity for a bit of money,you are probably better off without her.Some people never learn that money dosn't buy happiness.although it doeskeep the car payment made. Best of luck through this trying situation. Remember to keep your cool.
2006-09-20 12:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by basketchick43078 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife that the next time she wants to hang around with him till 4am, she can just stay there. She's so confused that she can't think her way out of a wet paper sack and was too easily blinded by the money.
2006-09-20 13:12:16 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for you. This is the exact reason why I dont think people who are committed can have friendships with the opposite sex. Like it or not this is what happens. That might come off as distrustful but its more realistic. How should you react ? I would be real pissed but what can you really do ? If she wants to be with him you should open the door and send her on her way.
2006-09-20 12:51:38 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I think you need to get to the bottom of this and FAST. People just don't hand out 4 grand with nothing behind it. You need to have her make a decision either you or him. If she picks you then she is to have to contact with him.. and this you will have to monitor for a while.
2006-09-20 12:51:41 · answer #6 · answered by momof4 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that she needs to figure it out who she loves and wants to be with. She also need to cut the other free and leave them there. You also need to tell them that going to church is to get closer to God not other people. I know that if it was my spouse I would be to happy and he would a choose and quick. I would also tell him that he most of not loved me if he could do this to me.
2006-09-20 13:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she needs to find a new church, and the 2 of you need time together.
2006-09-20 12:53:09 · answer #8 · answered by Surf n' Snow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you don't need this
That it's not going to be a love triangle
And tell her you're going to walk away since she so desperatly can't make up her mind...
You really don't need this...
If i were you i wouldn't even waste my time with her
There's someone out there for you that won't do that...
2006-09-20 12:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by Hex W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well everything was okay up until the argument, hanging out and money thing. she is definitely in the wrong for that! i suggest if you two talk it out and if you cant get over it, get out of it.
2006-09-20 12:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by goldie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋