ok I have an issue here,
My partner is Due with our child in a few days, her Mother has arrived to help, and be with her daughter.
Mom is taking over completely...and has advised me that I need to back off and let her take care of her daughter and grandchild...
This child, our daughter is the product of my donated egg, my partners uterus, and doner sperm....mom is not hearing this nor willing to take the time to listen, that this is my child too....My partner is caught in the middle
I need a little advice on how to deal with this..
2006-09-20 05:26:22 · 12 answers · asked by bopddbop 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Dont want to add stress to my Partner...this has been an extremely difficult pregnancy...we have had 3 miscarriages, this is our first viable pregnancy
2006-09-20 05:59:58 · update #1
Well first take a deep breathe and let out some of the anger and frustration you have built up in yourself. Next realize your mothinr-in-law will only be there a short time. Then she will go back to her life and you and your partner can live in peace again. So, you might want to bite the bullit for the week or two her mom is in town. This might also help keep the stress off of your loving partner during this time. She really doesn't need any additional stress.
Yes, now you could ask your partner to say something to her mom, and maybe in a few days after she has had the child, and regained some of her strength. However remember your partner is having a baby, and has to have as little stress as possible. Extra stress might cause problems during childbirth.
So bite the bullit for a few days or weeks. When mom leaves you can get back to life. At least bite the bullit until after the child has been born and your partner has time to recover a few days. Then yeah ask her to tell her mom to back off.
Good luck and congrats on the baby.
2006-09-20 05:51:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Congratulations!!! Babies are great!
Is Grandma usually like this? or is it maybe the excitement of a grandchild getting her all weird? If she's usually a busybody, tell her to back off herself, for the sake of her child and grandchild. If not, let her have her moment, you'll have mom and baby all to yourself soon. But if you're really worried, make sure the hospital/birthing center knows that YOU are the one to be with mom, the one to go to for info and decisions. Make sure they know that if only ONE person is allowed in, it should be you.
2006-09-20 14:41:48 · answer #2 · answered by theobromo77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, that is a tough one, I weould seriously talk to your partner about this and how you feel...both of you should be able then to go to her mother and say, Thank you we appreciate your help and we do want your help, but this is our pregnancy, it would probably sound better and "Mom" would take it better if this came from your partners mouth, parents are funny that way, mine's parents are that way also. but I would just explain how it truely is "Your Child", Your partner should be able to explain this easily enough....ask your partners mom if she could help out in other ways lkike maybe getting the house ready for you guys to come hoime, helkping with advice, buut she needs to remember that she is the grandmother, not the mother...hopefully she will take it well and back the hell off....good luck and I hope the baby is beautiful!!!
2006-09-20 12:33:50 · answer #3 · answered by radioradioradio 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is only understandable that the mother wants to take care of her daughter, but taking over completely, is a little to much! Tell your girlfriend the way your mothers making you feel and to make it clear that the baby she's caring is yours! She will need to be very firm even if it gets ugly! Because if you both don't put her in her place now, just think of how she'll be at the hospital! I wish you both a very healthy child! Good luck!!
2006-09-20 13:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by fairyjin1971 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW
This is a huge issue.
In a traditional marriage the spouse whose parent was getting intrusive would be the one to address her mother.
So your partner needs to get up and tell her mom to back off and let you too have equal access to her grandchild. She needs to let her mom know that she needs to not alienate you because you have as much legal rights to the child as she does and if she passes away you will be the one who has custody of the child. So being good to you is a good thing. LOL See you have more power than mama knows and mom needs to be informed of that balance of power.
2006-09-20 12:48:04 · answer #5 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would ask you partner alone if there is anything you can say or do. I know that it's hard by what you have said but, what would your other half say to all of this? I would just ask because, if you don't and let her mom get at you and you fall apart, this could be the beginning of a long term problem.
2006-09-20 12:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by justincausejustintime 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fascinating. The traditional male concern "Is it my child?". The traditional female concern "I gave birth, it is my baby." The ownership issue for "mom" is the giving birth, not the DNA. What she needs is a husband telling her to back off--"It isn't our grandkid" or maybe adding something along the lines of "We can take our daughter to an orphanage to pick a child to adopt if we want a grandbaby that isn't ours." So, your best ally may be your partner's dad.
2006-09-20 13:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to sit the mother down and explain that this child is as much your child as her daughter's child, if not MORE, since it's YOUR egg and it only grew in her daughter's womb. That means it's YOUR DNA, not hers. Explain it nicely, gently, but firmly.
2006-09-20 13:49:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, what a hard situation. i wish i could tell you how to deal with this...some parents just have a hard time accepting nontraditional relationships, and no matter what you say or do will ever change how they feel about it. i wish you and your partner the best of luck and congratulations on your new baby
2006-09-20 12:36:41 · answer #9 · answered by batman13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your partner needs to tell mom that she will let her know if she needs assistance. she needs to tell mom that you both have everything under control and if she wants to meet the new baby and spend time with her then that's great, but not to feel obligated to fuss with chores and the baby--this is her time to be grandma and relax.
2006-09-20 12:34:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋