i have been with my partner for 3 half years love him loads, its just that i am 31 now and thought i would be married and settled by now.
I am a single mum with a 8 year old daughter and he is a single dad with boys 14 and a 12 year old.
we have talked about waiting until the kids have left home before moving in together and getting married- but that could be years
2006-09-20 05:09:35 · 41 answers · asked by Tink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No if i felt ready to be more seriously committed and he wasn't willing to marry me or live together which ever you prefer then i would move on and find someone that is willing to be a bigger part of my life
2006-09-20 05:12:12 · answer #1 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're both happy, then why waste all those years ? The trouble with putting things off is that you may never get a chance to do them, so talk to him, tell him how you feel and ask him to explain why he feels that you both need to wait years before you commit ! I understand that when there are children involved you need to be more careful in any decisions that you make, but it's not as though you've just met is it? You've been together for 3 years, you know each other quite well by now, so maybe he is not sure about your relationship, and if that's the case, it's not fair on you, you can't waste your life waiting for something that may never happen, I'm so sorry to be so blunt, but I really think he needs to explain why he wants to wait .
Hope your wish comes true, good luck .
2006-09-23 09:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by Paris69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is his decision to wait until the children have left home before you move in together then I would be seriously doubting his commitment. Even when the kids are adult they might not leave home until they get married or move in with their partner. Are you really prepared to wait that long? If he loved you and was committed to you he would want to have you in his life every day and every night and not living in a separate house. I would give this serious thought and talk to him that you are not happy waiting. If he doesn't change his mind then I think you have your answer - move on and find someone who will love, respect and care for you by making that commitment. Hard I know, but if you don't you are in for a lifetime's unhappiness. I do hope it all works out for you.
2006-09-20 06:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get married because you want to more than anything else in the world. Because you want to grow old together and the thought of not waking up together is just less than life can offer. Your children should not be an excuse as they will grow up and leave you, which is as it should be. When I remarried I told my kids that "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Fortunately they wanted me to be happy and now 28 years later our kids and grandkids are a very happy family. I have to assume that your kids or his don't all get along or you wouldn't be asking. Try family counseling to see if you can work that sort of problem out before marriage. The only other thing is that one or the other of you has reservations about marriage and this is a stalling tactic. If it is then move on, its funny how often instincts are right.
2006-09-20 05:20:06 · answer #4 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it....... I was in the same position as you the more you think about it the more it does your head in. what we did was go down to the registry office ,got married, then flew off to Greece for a weeks holiday when we got there we then rang home and told everyone the news including the children. later on that year with the money that we had saved by not having the full blown wedding we took the kids away to the sun for a beach holiday.
By the way we never did get round to moving in together to this day we both have our own separate places and it works perfect for us
2006-09-20 05:24:19 · answer #5 · answered by woowah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a real reason for staying apart my offspring have not sprung yet and they are 21 and 25 going on 22 and 26. There is no sign of them leaving (not that I am in any hurry to get rid of them unless they wanted to) I hear people say children could be in their thirties before they leave the roost with costs as they are today.
That would leave you two past the prine of your lives to be on your own and really get to know what it is like to live together at a time when you should be comfortable with each other and enjoying yourselves. It is also cheaper to live together and possible better for both you and your children as life must be a little fractured at the moment. If you don't try it you will never know is it not possible for a trial period before giving up locks keys and sanity.
2006-09-20 05:24:58 · answer #6 · answered by philipscottbrooks 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is using that as an excuse not to get married. What difference would it make if you married now or however many years down the line? You are not even living together so it sounds like he has commitment issues.
I would talk to him again if I was you and tell him marriage means a lot to you and you don't want to wait, you want to be a proper family. If he is still reluctant then you have to decide if he is worth waiting for.
2006-09-20 05:15:22 · answer #7 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is putting you off. Its not that YOU aren't the one for him. After 3 1/2 yrs, he should have already proposed to you and have a date for the wedding. He doesn't want to get married, perhaps he was and the marriage went raw and now he is afraid to go that route again. I am sure it hurt him emotionally as well as finacially. He is scared to try again. Even with you. I would talk to him, in a light conversation about it of course, not to heavey and don't let it turn into an argument, but let him know that you love him, and that you *want* and *desire* only him, and that if he trusts and loves you enough to say those vows with you.... that you will only *long* for him always and noone else. He may be afraid of breaking the *vows* himself, if he made them to you. He may have been the one to break the *vows* before and doesn't trust himself. Blessed be...........
2006-09-20 05:18:37 · answer #8 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my partner for 9 years. I love him but he is not as committed to the relationship as I am. Don't leave it too long and then one day realise that you're with the wrong guy in a relationship that you're not happy with. I have an 8 yer old son and if it wasn't for him I would have probably left by now.
What is he scared of
2006-09-21 02:10:15 · answer #9 · answered by Leah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That really depends on what you want. If you want to be married and he is not ready or willing. Then you need to move on and go forward with finding the right one for you with the same goal's and expectations out of a relationship. You may be waiting for the next 18-20 yrs. Then in all of this time waiting, you may loose out on a really good guy. I would tell him your feelings and either he is with the program or not. If not move on and get what you want out of life. Don't wait on him. I wouldn't wait!
2006-09-20 05:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just turn around and walk out.He dosen't love u he wants a mommy for his kids until they grow up and don't need u anymore.Even if he marries u after the kids have left home because he need someone to look after him and cook him dinner when he gets home trust he is no good.3 n half years is a long time.what's the difference in getting married now and after the kids are gone.Unless u r planning to go on ur honeymoon when u r 50
2006-09-20 05:19:58 · answer #11 · answered by rohit p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋