She's not a close friend but her daughter is nearly part of our family. She's hung out with my kids since she was about 8, and she is now 15. Her mother is drunk every day on vodka. She is a single mother and gets state aid, but uses the money for alcohol and drugs. Her daughter knows this but I try to keep things positive. I have hired her to study with my son so she has responsibilities and can earn money. This also keeps both their grades up. I also have her babysit some. This way I can tell her if she hangs out with druggies (there is a meth house 2 doors away from hers), then she can't babysit, and she loves my kids so this works so far. Her mom ignores her, usually doesn't care where she's at or who she's with. I'm always the one checking up on her, giving her money for school functions, paying for her school physical, pool pass, activity pass, and today her school pictures. Her mom has escaped the system many times from child abuse to drugs so that's not the answer. But what is?
2006-09-20 04:59:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
If she's 15 i'd see about asking her mom for guardianship. She obivously someone you know, and chances are her daughter can talk her into it. Iam sure she doesnt want to lose control of her, but she also seems like someone who would value some more free time.
Then you could provide for the child, and not worry about the abuse she's getting at home. You could even provide her with therapy.
My parents have done it many times for teens in our area. All it takes is a signed letter from the parent, even better if its noterized, and an insurance card if the parent has one. You want the letter to include things like "so and so has my permission to act on my behalf as caretaker for my child so and so, and to provide them with medical attention in my absense, and to otherwise act as my childs gaurdian."
I know thats all a school requires for a child to be enrolled by someone other than a parent.
As a heads up, you'll want to get a signed letter of permission from the parent every time you leave the state with that child. Otherwise if something goes south the parent can hold it against you, since its a felony to cross state lines with a minor, without permission.
2006-09-20 05:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is really tough but turn her in to child services. If you can't do it then talk to her counselor at school and they will turn it in. Most states have a "parent to parent" guardianship program where you can get emergency custody until the mother is recovered. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 13 years. If I hadn't stepped in (before we ever married) his children would not have the good memories of daddy they enjoy now. I saw his potential and the way his and his kids lives were going if that potential was not resurrected and I interfered. It was the best move I ever made. Now I have a man who is wonderful and two step children who would slap a person for calling me "step" mom - to them I'll always be their other mom!
Weigh the cost of not acting and see if you can afford to pay it.
2006-09-20 05:10:05 · answer #2 · answered by Shadow Dancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like you have been her saving grace so far! Congratulations...you have been needed badly and been able to come through so far...I was the child that she is and I needed someone too...however there was no one there for me. I started looking for the attention and love that I needed and ended up pregnant. My life is totally different now I have a wonderful husband and two children total. As far as what to do...you may need to talk to her about it...she is alot more mature than any normal 15 year old..she can handle it..tell her that you may call child services and see how she reacts...are you a foster parent?? Maybe you should think about being one...sounds like you are a wonderful, generous, loving person... No matter what happens in the next few days she will always remember that you were her saving grace!
2006-09-20 05:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really hard. It is easy to say "call CPS" but there is a reality that sometimes life gets even worse for children who enter the system. I would suggest continuing what you are doing (and God Bless you for it) and see if there is any other family to contact. The girls grandparents may not know what is going on. Meet with them with the girl and have the child tell them what is going on. They may not want to hear it from a stranger. Alateen is a great idea also.
2006-09-20 08:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all bless your heart for being a positive person in her life, believe me she will remember you forever!!!!!!!!!! I suppose you could talk to the girl and see what she would like to happen and sort of go from there. If you are willing to let her live with your family...adopt...or whatever make it clear to the girl what you are offering as far as more help goes. I am sure the girl is happy to have a positive part of life, however some of these kids want so badly for their "real" life to get better they are hard to pull away from it............ You are doing a great service to her now that is for sure....I sure hope you can continue!
2006-09-20 05:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister-in-law is in the very same situation. Only it is the girl next door. So she feeds her. Lets her eat supper whenever and spend the night. I would take the girl to some Al-a-teen meetings. That will teach her how to deal with her emotions. I think you are doing right by her. If the financial part is not a burden on your family and it is not causing problems in your own home. Keep doing what you are doing. Best of luck.
2006-09-20 06:13:03 · answer #6 · answered by hello 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call Children Youth services ASAP
2006-09-20 05:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by stahl7639 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would call child protective services and try to have the girl placed in your home.
2006-09-20 05:28:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what my mom did was keep the kids, so that you know what they are doing, i think what you are doing is great and that there should be more ppl like you, but ask her to live with you, till she is of age and then she will have the morals that you have fully installed in her, good luck
2006-09-20 05:03:56 · answer #9 · answered by Dawn C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to stay on top of turning her in, and find out how you can get custody/be the daughter's foster mom..... this is bad news, mom is teaching her daughter all the wrong things in life
2006-09-20 06:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by NeverReady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋