my bf lives 45 minutes away from me. we usually see eachother on the weekends and maybe once during the week if we can bc we both work all day. i really wanted to see him on a certain day, and was availabe (bc since i quit my 2nd job, i have more time) im kind of looking to make up for that time, and just really want to hang out with him and have some one on one time. we always hang out on the weekends but its always around other people or something and i just want us to have some "us" time. so i called him and after a bunch of stuff we started arguing bc i tol dhim relationships are more than just hanging out on the weekends and talking on the phone during the week...i have an emotional need, and its just to spend some more time with him...he told me that we dont have "time" to hang out and that he's too tired to come to my city when he gets off work ( traffic is a biatch) i understand his point of view, but im still allowed to be upset that i cant see him right?
2006-09-20 04:42:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
ok, thing is hes an awesome person, and he used to live 3 hours away from me and would drive down a couple of times during the month to see me, until he decided to move closer to me but the closest he could move was 45 minutes away. he has done a lot for us, its just now....this week this happened
2006-09-20 04:53:54 · update #1
oh and another thing, i do go see him, not as often as i would like though, bc i have a problem with being able to afford gas like that...he doesnt have that as a problem, i have so many bills that im trying to stretch a dollar where i can....
2006-09-20 05:00:18 · update #2
Love is a feeling where you share with your partner...when you can share happy and wonderful times with him, why can't you share his bad and awful times? i'm not saying that you're wrong...i understand that you yearn some precious time of his to be spent on you...but you must understand that he is busy and tired...see it from a positive way...everything that happens has a reason...and this too has a reason...lets say that he agreed and did come to meet u...would you be happy if he was tired and did not spend time with you properly??? would you be happy if he was grumpy and complaining that he was tired???Of course no...right? so, think rationally...call him and apologise for your rudeness..you do not want to lose your boyfriend and make him think that you are selfish and self-centered and rude....explain to him what you really need emotionally when the situation gets better...make him understand...who knows? he might surprise you....
hope this helps...
good luck!
2006-09-20 04:55:07 · answer #1 · answered by cuteangel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you're over reacting. Women have emotional needs that men just don't have. Some women more than others sounds like you have tried talking to him and explaining your feelings but he isn't really understanding or listening. Try once again to talk calmly and rationally to him and this time make it sound like ......honey you are such a great person i want to be with you one to one so i can treat you special...blah blah blah... a man normally will buy this and in most aspects it is true. If he bites and takes you up on the offer make sure to do something special. If he doesn't girlfriend keep him as your weekend thing if you want and start flirting a man can be used just as a women can. If you find he no longer fits your needs move on. Maybe a little flirting might land you a better catch, or wake him up to what he has.
2006-09-20 05:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by toogoodtobebad2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not overreacting you just want to spend time with your man.
If he feels strongly about the commute to you, then you go to him.
On the weekends since that is the only time that you two can really spend with each other. More of those weekends should be solely for the two of you.
When you do get together make the best of it. Make him look forward to the weekend ahead. Then that traffic sometimes may not be sooo bad.
You had the right to speak to your "man" on your feelings. Don't take it personal because of the comments he said. Men react differently when they feel their backs areagainst the wall.
You two will be fine. Keep communicating and being the best you all can be with your circumstances.
Go see him and spend those weekends with each other, not some much spent around friends.
Best Regards.
It will be fine.
2006-09-20 04:55:15 · answer #3 · answered by sweetcincylove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's not quite willing to commit the same amount of effort to the relationship as you are, and as such, you may be better off moving on to a person who is more in tune with your emotional needs. There is nothing wrong with feeling these things, this guy is just not as sensitive to them.
Hanging out is fine, but you're right - you DO need some alone time to build a relationship past the friendship stage, and that's where I see this relationship being right now.
I would do some serious soul-searching if I were you, and make a decision of whether you're willing to sacrifice your personal needs for someone who's not quite as emotionally available as you would like, or if you want to find a guy who is more likely to be open to your needs.
2006-09-20 04:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can be upset that you can't see him. But why would he have to come to your city, why can't you go to his. If you have more time take a train/bus to visit him, maybe you could be there when he gets off work. He's reacting to a change in your previously accepted status quo. Before it was great that you would talk during the week and get together on the weekend. Now you want more and he may not be ready. If he's not ready it's time to move on to someone who is. If it's merely an issue about work & time then there's not much to do except talk it out and work out a schedule that's going to work for you both.
2006-09-20 04:50:57 · answer #5 · answered by bluearia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset because you want to see him and you want that *more* time to spend together.But I will tell you this, when I read your *his response* to you during your argument........ he knows exactly what you want, and he CAN find the time with visiting you or you going to him, now that you no longer are working two jobs. He as well could have in turn suggested that this weekend you spend it just the two of you without everyone else around. But he didn't. He is not wanting a close, real, relationship with you or anyone else. He is looking at the just talking on the phone and hanging out on weekends as a less stress relationship. He is not wanting or ready to commit to you or anyone else for that matter in a real, loving, lasting, long term relationship. I would keep things the way they are and not *rock the boat* sorta speak, because he is *establishing* a relationship with you, and when he is ready to make it official and committing....... you are the one he will do that with. He is just not ready right now, and you could push him away with the persistence of *spending more time*........ Just enjoy what you have together and just relax, you have a really good thing going here and sooner then you think, it will go to the next step. Let him make the move and let him think *its his idea*......... :) blessed be
2006-09-20 04:54:49 · answer #6 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Long distance relationships rarely flower. You both also have schedules that aren't compatible. He seems to not need or will not commit to you. Drop him and find someone closer to your home.
I suggest you go to church, find some single friends there and start over with a guy who will follow what has been written in I Corinthians 13, the "Love Chapter" of the Bible. If someone follows it, they won't be seeking their own selfish interests, but will be seeking to serve the other. Both people in the relationship need to commit to each other in order for it to work out right.
2006-09-20 04:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by Captain Cupcake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Naaah, you are not overreacting. If he loves you, I don't think that 45 minutes are too much to ask. I don't want to make you feel uncertain in your relation but is it maybe possible that he wanted to see someone else?. I just mention this because something similar happend to me with an ex girlfriend..
If everything is o.k. I am sorry if you worry now..
But an intact relation needs "us" time.. and plenty of it.. Even if the relation is a few years old if you know what I mean. You can contact me if you want to talk about it..
2006-09-20 04:52:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are allowed to be upset.
You should also be aware that your guy is most likely seeing someone else during the week and is just using you to fill in for when she isn't around. Why do I say that? because he isn't willing to do any one-on-one with you. And he can't be "cheating" if you only do things in a group with other people.
Long distance relationships are a b****. Even if they are only 45 minutes.
I'd be leary of this guy and would try to find someone closer to home.
2006-09-20 04:48:15 · answer #9 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you have the right to feel that way.I sure cant see why a 45 min trip one way would be a excuse not to see each other.Why don't you both meet half way from each other?If i didn't see my girl all week that's all i would want is one on one time.Maybe there's more going on then he's telling you.Surprise him one day and just show up.
2006-09-20 04:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by stevens_monroe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋