what to think about a brother who doesn't speak to you because you're gay ?

Question

he hasn't told me a word for 7 years and a friend (well...i thought it was a friend) ratted it on

he's muslim...he's deeply muslim

Answer 1

Sorry that you have to encounter such behavior. However; you are not along and many religions such as Mormons, Islamic Jehovah's Witnesses and others tell their converts not to have association with those they find unacceptable. My suggestion to you, is to continue to love your brother and show him respect. However; do not be ashamed or afraid of who you are. Many of us, have lost connections with our families, friends and have lost professional positions. Its part of the plight for being a vanguard. Continue the faith and keep your head-up!

Answer 2

Unfortunately, you are between a brick and a hard place. You have a brother who is deeply connected to his religion as a Muslim. His mind is closed on the subject because his religious elders have convinced him that we are evil perverts, I doubt if you will ever get him to understand or accept. And I am not degrading the Muslim religion. That is their beliefs with respect to homosexuals, and in this misguided view of their fellow man, they are no different than Christian fundamentalists, Jews. Buddhists etc. etc , etc.
What I think of your brother is really not the issue here. What is important, is that you accept yourself as a decent law abiding individual despite when people like your brother and many, many others, try to belittle and degrade you as a fellow human being.
It may be difficult to accept, but you don't need your brother's permission to live your life as a gay man, in order to be successful in this world. Be assured that there are millions and millions of people of all sexual orientations who will gladly accept you for who you are. Remember -
"IT'S BETTER TO BE HATED FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE;
THAN TO BE LOVED FOR SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT."

Answer 3

I think it is sad that your brother would risk loosing you over something so stupid. He is obviously set in his ways. Keep trying to make contact, but don't push him he will just close off, use simple things like going for a pint, inviting him to join in, asking his advice about something, crack a joke into his ear, just small gestures to remind him you are the same person you have always been and are there for him. What do your parents think??
Good luck I hope he comes round and stay patient with him I know it must be hard.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can only imagine how much it hurts that 'family' is treating you this way. I don't know you but I can speak from my experiences. I have a friend who treated his youngest brother that way- he totally cut him off. The guy's sister is the only one who accepted his lifestyle and lover. I asked my friend why he treated his brother so nasty. He told me that he felt his brother was a bi- - h. It wasn't because his brother was gay, he said, but that his brother was feminine and not at all like a man. He said that he could care less who his brother was sleeping with as long as he remained true to what God made him- a man.

I don't know you to know your persona.. but if you're at all feminine, that could be a reason why your brother has rejected you. I'm not excusing him, just wondering out loud about his reasons. Some people are like that. I'm somewhat like that. I'm bisexual and while I don't look down on gay men/women.. I could never be in an intimate situation with a feminine bi male or butch female. I don't care who a person sleeps with but like my friend, I do feel that if you were born a man, you should be a man and vice versa for a woman. I wouldn't make the person feel like an outcast though. I think that's wrong and judgemental.

You know what? You were born alone and you're gonna die alone. I know this may sound insensitive, but to hell with your brother. You don't live for him, do you? You don't strive for his happiness, you strive for your own. No one else's acceptance will bring about happiness within yourself unless you accept yourself. The important thing is that you're not hiding. You're not apologizing for being who you are and who you choose to be with. It's your brother's loss for not wanting you in his life. It's his decision to accept you or not. Leave your heart open for when/if he ever decides to accept you. Bitterness never helps. But if he never does, take comfortable in knowing how emotionally weak he is (not you) for shutting out an area of his life that he finds issue with whereas you faced your life challenge head-on and gave the world your finger in the process. You're much further ahead in the game called life.

Answer 5

Well, I guess your way of life is so hard for him to bear that he jut cant face it, and you need to know that while you have made this chioce it should not be that you can dictate to all that they have to accept it. I know, I became muslim 20 years ago, and my Father, abaptist minister NEVER said anything to me bad, nor my Mother, but my Father passed on June this year, and now my Mom said that she HATES that I am muslim and so did my dad, and that if I die I am going to hell, etc, and you know what,? I believe in my religion enough to agree to disagree and so be it. If my Mom doesnt want to speak to me then thats fine. We still love each other, but for now, talking is just to hard. MAybe you need to look at it that way. Or, ask your brother to get in touch with you and ask him what it isabout your life style that he cant accept. Maybe it will be easier if you dont take your partner with oyu for the talk, though. Emotions are tricky. Good luck, sweetie, and you know, even though I dont agree wtih your lifestyle myself, I think we all have the right to make these choices and I hope that your family accepts you with more of an open mind. If not, get on with your partner, cause he/she cares for you and that is who you need to focus on!

Answer 6

He's speaking, speaking volumes. He disagrees. He made a choice that the standards of his life are stronger than the blood ties to a brother who isn't even in the same ballpark of the game of life. You are intolerant of his standards, or else you would conform. He is intolerant of your breaking the standards and you know it. Leave him alone or conform. If you think you are grieved, any guesses how he feels? It is a sore, don't pick at it, leave it alone.

Answer 7

It's sad that your brother feels so strongly about your being gay that he doesn't even want to speak with you. It's not as though this was something you did deliberately to harm him. It's his right to feel as he does, of course, but that's no reason why you cannot continue to let him know, through cards, letters, and messages through family, that you care about him.

We can't make others be what we want them to be, but we can set a good example.

Answer 8

Personally, what do I think? I think that it's a sad tragedy when this happens.

Siblings are very much opinionated, when it comes to what they can't or won't try to understand. Granted, there is no need for them to fully understand your lifestyle, however, they could offer a bit more support than what you are receiving at the moment.

When this happened in my life, I literally 'cut them out of my life' and carried on as if I had no siblings. They eventually came around knowing that in order to accept me, they had to accept WHO I was, NOT WHAT I am.

You may want to explain this to them, should you wish to pursue their support, when it really comes down to it, we all have 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head, a heart and a mind. We have two eyes, two ears, and a mouth to use when we think before we speak. The only difference that separates us apart is who we choose for our bed. Honestly, my choice is ____________ .... and your choice is ____________ ... and we really have no business telling each other who we can and cannot share our beds with.

I wish you the best and thanks for poising your question.

Answer 9

Okay send him greeting cards for what ever holiday, thank you, miss you, thinking of you or just to say hi. He may never respond but at least you know that he is getting your mail and you are making an effort. Even if he marks greeting cards with return to sender, you are trying to make contact, it worked for me. My brother responded after a two year silence.

Answer 10

Its hard and sad, but you people aren't always going to accept certain choices or lifestyles. Sadly one of those people is your brother. Continue to send birthday cards and christmas cards. When your around your family, express interest in seeing him, but don't press too hard. Obviously for him, this is a big issue. I hope that you two can be reconciled one day, but in the meen time, take advantage of the family and friends you do have.

Answer 11

dude that is really messed up with your brother
your family should open thier arms to u not turn there backs
u need a lot of support
i hate to say this but people will make fun of u and hate u
u dont need that from your own flesh and blood!