This question is for housewives"what would you do if...?

Question

I've been married for 15 yrs. I have 5 kids I'm a SAHM my kids are all in school.My husband and I are at odds with each other right now for may reasons.My problem is getting him to see my point of view.He's self-employed so we only have one income I use to work with him up until we started a family.Then we made the decision that I would stay home.Needless to say I agreed not thinking that financially I was totally screwing myself.In the beginning of the marriage everything was equal.Now all of these years later things have become very unequal.Even though I don't contribute to the household financially right now.Is it fair that I have no idea how much money my husband really makes?Because that's the position I find myself in and it's extremely frustrating.He gives me money for grocercies or if I need some things for myself.But outside of that I have no idea where we stand we're in debt way over our heads.And he seems to think I don't have a right to know what's going on.Please help!

Answer 1

i really feel for you and i understand how you feel my husband does me the same way, he will even lie about how much money we have and i don't find out till the day they cut the lights off. I'm disabled so i have no choice but to put up with his crap its either him or a nursing home. and I'm way to young for a nursing home I'm still in my 30s. we fight and argue about the money and i have no ideal where it goes he hides the bills. you could do like i do i use the computer to make extra money i found a site that gives a free domain name and a free website then i put affiliate programs on it. during a good months i can make $700 that's not much but if your like me that $700 makes a big difference. send me a email sometime and ill tell you how to set it up i hope this helps a little ill keep you in my prayers

Answer 2

You are right. The only difficulty is to make your husband understand and change. That is a very hard task, if not impossible.

There are always articles on financial websites which relate to that topic and often it is highly recommended that a partner involves hte other into the financial side of their lives when they live them together.
On the Yahoo Finance website you can find a lot of such reading material.
However - I think even if you show your husband those articles he may not change his opinion and action. I suspect he feels safer this way, it gives him a feel of "control".

For you the only way to make a change for yourself would be to go back to work and earn your own money. Put it in your own bank account which you do nto share with your husband, put it into your own retirement savings and so on. If he does not want to share and he prefers this way then you are kind of forced to get your part yourself.

Perhaps you can score a part time job somewhere. Or you get a full time job and pay a nanny. But I sense that it is very important for you and also your marriage that you build up your own financial security.
Also - I believe if you start such a life it would change your husbands habits and thinking. Right now he thinks you are safe and locked in and under control and he does not see you as a partner but as a mom-only.
Once you start your own job and cash flow and financial security he has to correct his picture which he had built in his mind over the years (you too).
It might lead to strong conflicts and therefore you should be very smart about how you approach such a fundamental change. The art is how to position this to your husband - in a way that he is not getting too scared to lose control.
From the way you are writing I can see that you are very smart and strong so you will find the best path.

Answer 3

Dear, this is a very bad and risky situation i must confess. first, try to talk to him how you feel about what is happening and how you guys needs to go back to the drawn board and plan how to pay off all your debts. i really pray that he listen to you.

after which girl, do whatever you have to do and get your life back.

it is true you have right to know how much he is making and what is consuming the money. i would suggest that to avoid more trouble, don't insist much whereby he does not want to open up.

Thank God he is still supporting the family and you in a very little way. It is now time for you to make meaning out of your life, reason is that once you are earning something, you will not feel useless or dejected, above all, your self esteem will be back.
Goodluck girl.

Answer 4

U absolutely have the obligation to know what and where the funds are going. If you are in debt, you should be paying your debts prior to even eating....most folks don't do that, but how would you know if you needed to go out and help w/ some kind of income. If your DH is hiding something this important from you, he is proly in over his head and is trying to spare you, or is very embarrassed and won't. If your marriage is a team, you cant support him where he needs it if you don't know everything, just like he needs to be up to date on all the kids things to be part of their lives. Y'all need to get some counsel on this one and fast or he may be running up the ole debt ticker and then y'all will really be in trouble digging out.

Answer 5

You absolutely have every right to know what's going on financially. I take care of the finances in our household while my husband earns the money. We created an online account with our bank. Almost all of our financial transactions occur thru this bank. This is one option for you. Did you know that as his spouse you are legally responsible for your husbands financial dealings including the debt? Put your foot down.

Answer 6

Now that your kids are all in school why don't you go and work for your company again? I am sure you can make a schedule that will fit with the kids and home. This way you are contributing to the household and you have your self worth again. Good luck.

Answer 7

i am now 10 years married and i have tried everything. i worked with my husband and didn't like it because u are both together all day and if one problem is there, it means no peace at work nor at home. we took work home and spoke about it at lunch and in outings and everywhere...but when i was a housewife i was feeling the same u are talking about...not involved in anything and had to take my money from him...not easy...better if u can find work alone, even if u will be tired but at least u will have a life..

Answer 8

You and him need to discuss finances because it affects all of you. If you want to go back to work you should, then maybe he'll feel like you're an equal once again to him. You've been doing a lot of unpaid work for years raising your family so be honest and let him know that you feel left in the dark as to how much debt you may be in.

Answer 9

this is a very serious issue. money problems can haunt a marriage. you two need to sit down and talk. i understand your want and need to stay at home. but now that all the kids are in school is it possible to find a job while they are in school? then you will have your own money. but you really really need to sit down and talk to him.

also most banks have an online option. you can see what is in your account without even having to go to the bank. look into that so that you can at least see where the money is going and how much you have left.

Answer 10

Whether you contribute to the household by means of income or taking care of the home and kids, you are equally responsible for any and all debts you have because you are married.

You should know what you husband makes and how it is spent.