I've been married just over 6 years to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen and is sweet and caring to my family. We've been through a lot together- and have been in couples counseling for 3 years. We also havent been physical in over 2 years... We love each other- but are both wondering if we might be better as friends rather than as a couple. I always feel like I am responsible for everything, and like I don't get enough support or help from him. I am almost 32 and I want to have kids some day- am I a fool to consider leaving someone I totally get along with and who I love dearly (and who loves me)? How do I know if it is time to end things? How did you know?
2006-09-20 04:27:52 · 19 answers · asked by Jemima 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you already know it if you are asking the question. If you two are not being physical than it is over. YOu are young and should be showing your love with sex and touching. I think it is time to move on now while you can still be friends because you would hate to have to end it in a bad way and become enemies and that will happen once you start getting angry and bitter. I have been married 25 years and wish I had gotten out of it earlier (within the first 5 years) when it was bad instead of thinking it will get better because it never does. I am just too chicken to leave. And you will always love him and him you, but you should not be in a marriage if you are not "in love" with each other. You deserve to have that on top of everything else. Good luck!
2006-09-20 04:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by josievan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself what it is that you're needing? Then tell your partner... If you aren't sure what it is but still feel like something is missing, you should start exploring your passions. Maybe what you are lacking isn't within or because of your relationship. If you have a good solid relationship with petty complaints (that would not normally bother you) then most likely you have let the creativity escape your marriage and need desperately to revive it. I understand how you feel. I got so comfortable in my marriage that I just let go of everything that I am and he did the same... we just didn't have anything left to share. We stopped creating our lives by not learning new things and making new experiences. We began to dwell on the past and long for what was once there. I realized that, what was once there, was this curious, onry, fun- loving person, who would try anything once. The truth is that there is so much out there to learn and explore and it shouldn't stop in the romance department of life. Try taking a new course at a local college (language, photography,music ect), changing your job to something you find interesting, Back pack across America (why wait til you get to Europe lol). Whatever you do, do it because you want to...because it's fun...because it inriches your life. And who knows? You may even find "yourself" out there and be able to help others just for knowing you. Good Luck with your journey, my friend. I hope this helps.
2006-09-20 11:52:16 · answer #2 · answered by chance_ghost 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to speak to him and tell him everything you're telling us. There will be two possible reactions. One is he will deny there is any problem, in which case you sit him down and speak to him like you did when you were friends (so he'll listen) and explain in detail everything. Nicely. He'll either get a shock and actually realise you're right, or admit he's noticed it but is scared of losing you. Either way, he'll have to dicuss how he feels about it and what can be done. You both love each other as friends but maybe not more. Spicing things up in the bedroom is a dream of some people that will reboot their sex drive. Just go out more, to bars, clubs, gigs, dinner. Enjoy eachothers company off the sofa.
Or he could straight out admit it. Yes there are problems but they can't/can be solved. As best friends this will end amicably, as long as everything is said peacefully. Good luck, and just make sure, above all, don't resent him in terms of you being 32 and not having kids if it doesn't work out between you. That will ruin any chance of staying friends.
2006-09-20 11:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by gavinknows 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a tough one. I mean alot of people would love to be in your situation. I mean to have someone love you and treat you like a queen. Someone who treats you family good. What seems to be the problem? Why are you not sleeping together? Is the sex life no good? Does he want children also? You have to watch what you ask for. You may get a man who will help out with the house chores and other things that you need help with but he may not treat you like a queen or he may not get along with your family. These are things you need to think about. Or are you expecting too much? Don't have alot to go by but I would seriously think about what it is that you are truly searching for. Good luck.
2006-09-20 11:34:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wait, you married to the man and you guys haven't had sex in 2 years???? wow! I think that should be enough proof right there. you guys are probably not attracted to each other in that way anymore. sometimes the chemistry dies. lucky for you, you guys are noticing it now, rather than 15, 20 years down the road. the good thing about all this is that you guys are friends. so if you would get a divorce, it wouldn't be an ugly one. i think u guys should sit and really discuss this and figure out what's best for the both of you..good luck with this!
2006-09-20 11:32:50 · answer #5 · answered by Fabe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though being physical is not everything, it is an important element in a marriage and obviously important for having kids. Regardless of how he treats you, if he is a normal guy and is not wanting to "jump your bones" at least once a day then I think either a.) he is gay b.) is not attracted to you and has you in the "friend zone" or c.) is getting it somewhere else. Any of those options will indicate to you clearly that it´s time to move on.
2006-09-20 11:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by Nathan K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is over. I just went through the same thing. I was with someone for six years, we hav a daughter, but for the last two years, we do not desire each other sexually and we are just more like friends and a good parent team. when we finally talked honestly about it, we both realized that we felt the same way, deep inside, and we are over. we are still friends and still work together for our daughter, but when it is done, it is done. no sense in wasting precious time in life trying to force something that isn't real anymore.
2006-09-20 11:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by NINA_NICHOLE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason you haven't been physical in 2 years? One would think your therapist would go over this with you.
I understand that you love him dearly and he treats you well. But the fact you haven't been intimate for over two years makes me wonder if he's faithful to you. Unless there's a physical reason to why you haven't he isn't able to, or he's gay.
I would suggest going to a sex therapist before you call it quits and find out why things are lagging in the bedroom.
2006-09-20 11:34:18 · answer #8 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your kidding yourself if it was all that you say it is ,you would not have been going to counseling ,2 years without sex is a bad thing .it is needed for both the man and woman to feel complete with each outer .first thing is what ever is holding you back from having sex with this man needs to be got ton rid of you need to come together regularly .you can do nothing if you first are not attracted sexily to the man now can he you.some how you two have found a why to live very meaningless lives together with out being together .your in a very odd relationship if it suits you then to each his or her own .as for should you leave him you all ready have 2 years ago
2006-09-20 11:48:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You already know its time to move on. You say you want kids but yet you two haven't been physical in 2 years. You obviously cant have kids then if you aren't physical. You already know its time to move on but are scared of the change in your life. Everyone is scared of change when you are use to things. I think you need to move on and find someone you will be in love with. You can't be with someone just because you get along. You can get along with anyone and love anyone. Being in love is different. Its time to move on you know it! You asked the question didn't you!
2006-09-20 11:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by SxyPR 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋