need to know if i sould leave him
2006-09-20 04:18:37 · 39 answers · asked by Jenny R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WHAT EVER BOTHERS YOU NOW WILL INCREASE 10 TIMES AFTER YOUR MARRIED
AB
2006-09-20 04:25:01 · answer #1 · answered by alice b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking the question - then you already know the answer.
When a couple is in a serious relationship (and I would say "soon to be husband" would be considered serious) then the other person should always come first. If they don't.. then aren't you really in a casual relationship that may (or may not be) monogomous?
I bet he says that his friends are his "buds" and they have been and always will be there for him. And thats great!!! Everyone should have a set of friends like that. But... if he is not willing to put you first... then you are obviously not "the love of his life" and not the number 1 person in his life. So... you need to decide if you are willing to be number 2 (or three after friends and job) or 3 (friends, job, mistress).
But I would imagine that this is just the "tip" of the iceberg of the problems between you two and before you say "I do" you should have a long talk together and quite possibly with a pre-marriage councelor to determine if you should really stay together.
Or.. you could just take the short route and go with your gut and get out now. But.. if you don't do something you will either be miserable, become a nag, or be divorced within 5 years.... so please.. do something!!!!
2006-09-20 04:26:02 · answer #2 · answered by .... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well this is something that just about all women go through and there isn't much that we can do about it. You can try telling him about it and see if he can not put his friends before you. He might agree to the terms but maybe down the road he might fall off again. So if you truly love him and really want to marry him then you will have to except him and deal with it. Cause most men will tell you in a minute that their friends are very important mainly because they where there way before you etc. Therefore when things come up and their boys need them you best believe they are going to haul a#$ to go be with the boys. So if you have a problem dealing with it know then you won't be able to deal with it for the rest of your life with him. But in the end you have to make your own decision on weither or not you should marry him.
2006-09-20 04:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you're going to leave him - now would be the time. Before the "I do's." Maybe you guys need mpre-marital counseling. I think all couples should attend this and I'm sure it would help get some things out in the open. He might feel like this is going to be the last time to hangout with his friends before he is married, but it's still not right to put you second.
You need to stand up for yourself.
2006-09-20 04:22:32 · answer #4 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree that hes not ready to be married. He is not going to change once the rings are on ur fingers. And what happens when u have kids? i know people who have married guys like that and even once they have children, the wives are left at home while the husband goes out with his mates and doesnt help. I dont think u should marry him. He doesnt sound like a soul mate and if ur having doubts now then that tells u its not right. His idea of a partner are obviously much different to yours which means ur not compatible.
2006-09-20 04:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's setting aside time for his friends, leave it alone. If you are consistently put on the back burner, then yes leave. But just because he's spending time with his friends, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Everyone needs their time with their friends. When he's with his, hang out with your own friends. If it happens to be more often than not that you are with your friends, spend that time together looking for another man. Chances are if he's putting you second to his friends, he's going to do the same with your children and you definitely want them to grow up with a father.
2006-09-20 04:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by Another Nickname 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with sassysis, he's not ready to be married. you should just stay engaged for the time being. it's easier to break off an engagement than it is to get a divorce and a heck of alot cheaper too.
he's not ready to commit. of course most guys get married thinking that they can still hang with the guys and do exactly what he's been doing. it tends to take them a bit longer to realize that priorities change.
BEFORE you marry get counselling either through your church or with a specialist. it truly does help in the long run. my husband used to act like that before we married.
2006-09-20 04:24:24 · answer #7 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not marry him! i've dated some guys that always put their friends and parties on weekends before me and even break plans that we had previously made together. I left them both real fast...you should be # 1 in his eyes...don't get me wrong, he should have friends and do things with them...but never should he put them efore you...i know how it must make you feel, i've been there. I've vowed i will never stay with a guy that puts me after his friends, cars ect.. now i'm with a wonderful man that almost holds me up on a pedistool...and i'm not use to this, but it is a nice change...i think i can get use to it too...you deserve it as well...good luck
2006-09-20 04:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by tigerlily 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all i can say to that is marriage is forever and do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who doesn't put you first ? there is a man out there who will love you and value you . you are worth it !! if you really love this guy you need to tell him whats on your mind and give him a chance to change . to show you that you are important to him . i think it also important that he has friends but not to put them before you . as he would not like it if you did that to him .
2006-09-20 04:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by sadeyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is already putting his friends before you before you are married, then I would say you have a problem. Usally men do that after about a year or so of marriage. I think you should talk to him about it. Good Luck.
2006-09-20 04:21:54 · answer #10 · answered by Bizzle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, in today's society, people no longer respect relationships as they should. The divorce rate is extremely high. Marriage comes first.
Please read this book:
Emotional Infidelity (http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&keywords=0609810006&tag=desireeruizco-20&index=books&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325)
It will explain why he is putting his friends first, and what the BOTH of you need to do about it.
You can't have everything! Choose friends, family, business, or marriage...
:-)
2006-09-20 04:32:24 · answer #11 · answered by Just a Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋