Help, I need a woman's point of view.?

Question

My wife works really hard, she's the oprations manager at a huge fitness facility, so she's stessed out all the time. She works 9 hour and 11 hour days. She loves a clean house, and I'm just plain lazy sometimes. I make a mess and just clan up in my own time. But people always comes tot he house, and she gets upset, because she likes when the house is clean so guests can feel comfortable. I've been doing the dishes, but once a week, so the y pile up, and when it gets to her enough she does the dishes and then stays mad at me for a few hours.
When she's mad though, she doesnt talk to me, just just stays quiet and does all the things that I said I would do. What should I say to her? I dont even know what to do, I tell her I'll them in my time, but she says my time is just too late, and she hates when people walk into a messy house. And what makes it worse is that the people that come into the house all the time are my guests. She says nobody is gonna look at ME and call me messy.

But I work too...regular 9 - 5. and when i come home, all i want to do is eat, relax, listen to music, make some music myself, and then do whatever i feel like until she comes home.

i dont know how she does it! she works long days, then she comes home at nights, and most times she cooks even though i get home at least 3 hours before she does, and she does the chores...she says at least if she gets them done when they need to be done she can relax when it is time to relax, and not be rushing t clean up when guests come over.

So basically, help me see what she's talking about! Cause i think if we jut wake up early on saturdays we can do a big clean up and get it over with. She comeplains that she wants her saturdays to sleep in. she does laundy and cleaning up during the week, just to look forward to her sleep-ins on saturday. i think it is selfish of her. but, still, I need to understand.

Answer 1

Your wife sounds just like me, and you sound just like my boyfriend. I can tell you from experience that I do start to resent my boyfriend when I have to do the things he say he'll do. We're tired, also, when we come home from work, but we CAN'T just sit, relax, and eat or NOTHING will get done. You need to do these chores the moment you walk in the door, that way you won't sit down, get comfortable, and then get lazy. You need to help out, because it's NOT fair to make her do all this.

Answer 2

If she is working 5 days a week she is working almost 60 hours at her job then coming home and picking up all over. If you have a dishwasher empty it and then every time you use a glass or dish, rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher. And she is right, your guests come in to a mess and the look at her like she isn't doing her job as the "woman" which is still the typical thought process fr people still today. Hope that makes sense. Help her out b doing the little things. If a load of laundry needs to be done just do it. You can put a load in when you get home and by the time you are ready to sit down to chill it can go in the dryer. The more of the little things you do the more she will notice and appreciate it. You are both working so you should set up chores for each other and everything should get done and no arguments will occur. Good Luck.

Answer 3

If people still come, your house can't be that bad. You and your wife need to compromise. The cleanliness issue doesn't bother you, but it does bother her. She may not be able to let chores go undone. Use a part of your time after work and before she comes home to do some part of the chores. You don't have to use all your relaxation time. If you don't have a dishwasher, do the dishes. That makes a very noticeable difference. Show her that you are serious about doing your part. If she can see you are trying, she should relax a little. Once you prove that you are willing and can be trusted to help, you should discuss priorities with her. Decide which chores must be done during the week and which can be left until the weekend. Then you can still relax some during the week and she can still sleep in on Saturdays.

Answer 4

wow, this is a universal problem. the question is: how messy is messy here? are we talking a little clutter here and there? or dirty dishes and old newspapers on the floor?

ideally, a cleaning service would be the answer. if that is not financially viable, try to find some middle ground. is there one thing that if not done irritates her most? like the dishes? i don't have a dishwasher, so i understand what a pain it is to do dishes all the time. you could try paper plates a couple nights a week (like sandwich or pizza night?) to give yourself a little break. keeping up with the dishes as they are used helps a lot. i use one of the dishwands that hold the soap inside. it is so quick and easy to wash a few plates and cups that way.

you would be surprised what just 10 minutes of cleaning up can do. make this 10-minute investment in your relationship. if the relationship is important and vital for you, the 10 minutes will seem less like a chore and more like a gift you can give her! that is the real answer, change the way you think about cleaning: think of it as your gift to her.

actually, that is also good advice for all husband whose wives are too tired for sex. help your wife out around the house and she will be grateful and have more energy for other things! : )

just a thought!

Answer 5

I'm a busy woman myself. My husband and I both work long hours so it's hard to find the time to keep the house clean. I'm not taking sides... but I can understand how your wife feels. During the weekend, I spend my whole weekend cleaning up after my husband and my son. I probably only get about 2 hours of actual sit down time during the weekend. And that's while I'm folding and putting away laundry. Meanwhile, my husband stays in the garage all weekend or tinkers with his "projects" all weekend long. But will complain that his work jeans aren't clean on Sunday night. I have a rule that if all of the laundry is not in front of the washer on Saturday morning, I can't guarantee that it will get washed. Since then, we have made a list of all of the chores and split them between us. This seems to work a little better. He still gets lazy.. and the dishes don't get done all of the time, but to show him that I love him, I will do them. It's a nice gesture and is greatly appreciated. I always try to think of how I would feel if I were in someone else's shoes. Being lazy is one thing.. but think of how much she would appreciate it if she came home and the dishes were done 2 or three times a week!

Answer 6

As a woman that has worked full time and some I know how she feels. If everyone would pick up as they go along there wouldnt be any long drawn out cleaning to do on Saturday. She deserves a day to not have to do anything. The house work is everyone in the houses responsibility. But when a house is dirty for some reason (I guess it is in a unwritten rule book somewhere) people frown on the female of the household. It would be better if people looked at a dirty house and said I feel sorry for you because your family are pigs and dont care enough about you to help out! So just pick up as you go along it takes less time and energy and the house will look great all the time. You are a grown man not a child and she is not your mother. Do unto others as you would wish them do unto you!

Answer 7

you need to step up and be a man. She works hard because you don't want to work at all. In those 3 extra hours that she is at work you caould be cleaning and doing the basics (dishes, laundry, vaccume,ect.) I would stay mad at you to she works hard andthem has to come home to a mess. When your house id dirty it makes you look dirty. That is why she has such a problem with the house being dirty when guests come over. Yours, hers it doesn't matter a guest is a guest. you have to do dishes more than once a week. If you do them when you dirty them it is a lot easier.

Answer 8

My suggestion is that you start cleaning up as you go along. If you use a plate, wash it when your done. It's a lot faster to do it this way then to let things pile up. Or, you can get a dishwasher. Then all you need to do is stack the dishes in it and when its full, you start it. A couple of hours later, the dishes are ready to go back in the cupboard.

As for other things, just put them back where they belong when your done with them. It's really not that hard to do.

Answer 9

I think you are a selfish clod. She works harder than you do, why don't you give her a hand? She deserves to sleep in on Saturday, after doing all of the cooking and cleaning, and picking up after your lazy a**. Why don't you do her a favor occasionally and have a nice dinner ready when she gets home?

Answer 10

I understand her point of view.. She works hard and long hours.. Even though they are YOUR guests, she is part of the household and when people see a cluttered bathroom or something on the floor, they do not look at you.. they look at HER.

You should put more effort in cleaning up after yourself and that would go a long way in easing tensions in your house.