but she's not experience sexually as I am used to. It's not as important to her as it is to me. It's been 5 years now and I miss the wild hetrosexual experiences that I am used to for years. Do I look for this in someone else or stay frustrated and deprived?
2006-09-20 03:59:28 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If cheating on her were something good, you could tell her it's the logical thing to do, I think this would be wisest, because she'd give you the answer you need to hear. A relationship is more than sex. I realize that it is an important part of the marriage for you, but there are many other things that make a relationship. If you cheat, it's not going to make things better. Your wife, whom I'm assuming you love, will be left feeling hurt and betrayed. You might get sex, but it will be empty sex that has no meaning and you may find that you feel even worse after. Try couple's therapy. Maybe there is a physical reason she doesn't want to be sexual. Cheating isn't the answer.
2006-09-20 04:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know - that is a very common situation. Almost every marriage goes through that. Meanign the husband wants more sex and different sex and more excitement, experimenting and so on. And the women of course want sex too but often in a marriage it cools down. Whatever the reason is, it happens to many.
The reasons now why a woman's sexual appetite cools down in a marriage can be many. Rarely it is a hormonal problem (that's what men like to think because then it could easily be cured, right?), sometimes it is that there are children and so many duties that the energy is just not there.
However - what I suspect most often is also that the man could do a better "job" when having sex with his woman.
Despite all your experience and exciting past perhaps you never found out what really turns your wife on. I can imagine that you tried to do the things with her which excited you and that cooled her off quite a bit.
Now the really hard part is for you to find out what your wife likes and slowly get there without pushing. Just takling about it will very likely not work. I think you may need guidance from a professional, a therapist who is specialized on couple's sexual problems.
Now - how to communicate to your wife the need to do something.
I think all she needs to understand is exactly what you were writing above. Often women don't understand how strong and important a man's sex drive is and that it occupies his mind most of the day. She needs to understand that and how important it is for you and to keep you mariage intact.
From there she may be willing to go with you to see a professional advisor together.
I am glad you asked and that you are really interested in doing something about your gap of desires. Just because I know so many couples which separated very frustrated later in life. Just because of the big discrepancy of their sex lives and interests. And it could often have been turned around early enough to help the partners find each other again.
2006-09-20 04:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do neither. That will only bring on a whole new set of problems. You need to talk to her and express how you need more stimulation sexually. Get some books with details and pictures, watch some tasteful videos, seek some counseling. Do it together. Explore each other. Get creative. Get inside her head. Don't make her feel like sex is the most important thing to you but important none the less.
2006-09-20 04:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by eehco 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jeez... Why do you think God is against pre-marital sex?
Because he wants to PROTECT your heart. Not just because it's a "sinful act" in itself.
It's your problem now you're craving for anything different. You wouldn't have this problem if you didn't take your "friend" around for a joyride before marriage.
You wouldn't be wishing you had something else with your wife that you've had with someone in your past.
Anyway what's done is done. Good communication is the most crucial in a marriage. Communicate your needs with your wife. I'm sure she'll be understanding; providing of course that need is not debasing in any way to her.
I'm sure you'll do well. Good luck.
2006-09-20 04:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by FallGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally know where your coming from I have been married for 5 months and I feel the same way you do. I am not sure you can change your wife the way you want her to be my guess is to try to make it more exciting and try new things and explain to compromise for you. I am working on him hes so quiet and I like some noise and wild and even talking dirty not sure how he will react but I am going to try. I would say if you feel you not getting your needs met talk to her and if she don't want to bend to make the man she loves happy then maybe somethings missing cuz I would totally give my man my all when it comes to the bedroom. Good Luck!!!
2006-09-20 04:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by wildrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didn't you know this when you married her? Communication is the key to a successful relationship. If you don't have that why continue the farce? Talk to her about it but remember that she may have some things to say that you don't want to hear. Maybe you're not all that and a bag of chips either. I often wonder what happens to people whose whole relationship is based on sex when something horrid happens to them like Christopher Reeves. You didn't see his wife dumping him because he couldn't perform. Now that was REAL love. Your wife might be better off without you if thats all your concerned about in the marriage.
2006-09-20 04:42:05 · answer #6 · answered by anon_y_muse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu teach her, and tell her you';ll boith enjoy iot. If she resists, you nmyst take yourslef into therapy. The real answer to this is why you place that much importance on sex. I'm not saying it isn;t importantr. When a cou-le rarely has sex, there are serious underlying reason for it.
If you just miss the woldness, you have not done much in the way of maturation. Maturation involces seeing sex as a way to reproduce the species and connect emotionally. You both might need couples counseling to work thios oner out.
2006-09-20 04:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married her 5 years ago and she has not gained any experience, you have not communicated what you want or need? You did not realize before you got married that she did not have the wild experiences that you desire?
Get serious. You married her, do not look for someone else, you went in with your eyes open.
Talk to her, communicate your needs, for all you know, she is bored with you and thinking the same thing!
2006-09-20 04:08:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to stay deprived to be faithful. I went through a similar thing with my husband. Finlay I just talked to him about it and now we do fun and crazy stuff all the time. all you have to do is find away to break her out of her shell. If she's inexperienced then she's probably just to shy like my husband was. You can do this! Don't mess up a good thing, somethings you cant take back.
2006-09-20 04:06:19 · answer #9 · answered by Victoria 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about talking to her and telling her how you feel.
Open communication is a great trait in a marriage.
If you do not tell her what is bothering you - how is she to know?
Maybe she is a little embarrassed that you are so experienced and she is not.
Get a porn movie - take her to some strip clubs - have her loosen up.
But be careful - sometimes when the dragone is released the villagers get scared!
Do you think you can handle the dragon??? LOL LOL
2006-09-20 04:03:31 · answer #10 · answered by WhatNext 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋