I have been seeing my girlfriend for a number of months now. I have known her daughter just as long as I have known her. I get along great with her daughter. We are planning to move in together in the next couple months. The largest issue holding us back is how to prepare her daughter. She has never lived with anyone else but her mother. We are really concerned with how she will handle the transition. Does anyone have any advice on how to make it as easy as possible on her?
2006-09-20 03:35:02 · 8 answers · asked by Michael J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
sit down and talk to her with the mother present.
2006-09-20 03:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I would think about what your final intentions are with your girlfriend. Things are different when a child is involved, as opposed to a single person. Moving in should not be considered unless you know this is the step you are taking towards the rest of your life. whether you believe in marriage or not, I just mean are you committing to this child for the rest of her life? because really when you decide to move in with your girlfriend the one you need to think about is the 3 year old. Adults deal with break ups. Children don't understand. They don't get the "we just don't get along".
So if you are still thinking before you move in"if it doesn't work, I will just move out"...then you should wait. Or if you are serious, surprise her and just get on with proposing to her.
I'm speaking from experience.
I can see you care, by asking this question, so really you probably already have thought about this.
So if the question is simply how to pre pare, just start by asking her questions like (I'm sure you've spent the night there before)
"wouldn't it be great if we could watch rollie pollie Ollie together every morning?" ... "Do you think I should bring my stuff from my house and stay here with you and your mum?"
Believe it or not this will get the ball rolling. Ask her to help you find a "good spot" for items you would be bringing. Involving her in it this way makes it partly her idea, and so not as threatening.
believe it or not, she's not too young to get involved, or feel threatend.
good luck best wishes!
2006-09-20 10:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by bitsygiggles 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The daughter is too young to understand what is going on. She will probably fight you for attention from her mom. Just put up with it, be nice, spend time with the daughter without mom before you move in together. You may even try to not be seen in the bedroom together until she gets comfortable having you around. How long have ya'll been together? If it is only a couple of months, you may run into the risk of the daughter getting attached to you, then you and mom fond out you are not compatible to be together and you will break the girl's heart if you split. If you have been together for a really long time, the daughter may take it easier than you think.
2006-09-20 10:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by harleychic 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well to best answer your question is to sit the little one down and have a 3 year old heart to heart talk with her and see what little mama have to say, do u understand that she is the one that can make your living relationship a pure D Hell but if she likes u she will give u a chance don't under estimate the mind of a three year old they have been here before
2006-09-20 10:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by Rhonda S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best way (in my experience) is to have you stay a day or two at a time and see how she reacts. If she starts acting out or seems different, then you both need to talk to her. But keep in mind, she's three. It will be difficult for her to grasp the whole situation at first. Be patient with her. Anyway, at first, stay a night occasionally. Then progress it into a weekend stay. and so on. This way she adapts to you being there instead of you're suddenly there and not leaving. It'll be ok. Kids are great at adapting to situations like this.
2006-09-20 10:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to make more of a real committment to her, not just move in with her. Her child is going to think it's okay to live with mommy and then when you are finished with each other, it's okay to leave. I will never allow a man to just live with me because I have to boys to raise, plus it's a morals issue. Put the shoes on the other feet....what if this was your daughter who has a child wanting to move in with her boyfriend??? I allowed myself to live with a guy before, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. My kids got hurt as well. He moves in, he's someone they are used to spending time with, and he leaves...it really hurt them, plus they knew it hurt me.
I would definitely suggest waiting until you know if you really want to be together permanently, and then make the real committment(marraige)...just speaking from experience. Plus if you really respect this single mom, you would not just move in. Nowadays we are teaching our kids that marriage is a joke and just go live together, if you do not like each other leave..who cares about the kids??!!! I do care, and you both need to really think about the effects it can have on her daughter. Think it through really carefully.
I also know other single parents who lost custody of their children for moving in with another man, when they were not married.
2006-09-20 10:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by thedothanbelle 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
start staying nights over there.the daughter will get use to seeing you.then again children adapt very fast to change.remember to not hog her mom from her to long and there shouldn't be a problem.
2006-09-20 10:39:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
you should do some sleepovers first.
2006-09-20 10:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by Cahaya 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋