My oldest brother was like a father to me until back in 94 when he punched and kicked me in the face 22 times for not calling my mom to wish her happy new year. I got married this year, and he did something worse. He was like the phantom menace and tried his best to destroy my reputation to my now parents-in-law. Luckily, they know me so well and dispelled all his lies about me. He almost prevented my marriage from succeeding and now I dont talk to him anymore (since the wedding) and choose not to. I get ugly dreams and nightmare about him and it sometimes affects my relationship with my wife. Her parents feel i should call him and insist we are brothers. But I want to keep as far away from him as possible bcos he almost took my life in 94 and tried to destroy my marriage. I used to be puzzled why he would do this to a brother who used to look up to him but I've become jaded and if i dont ever hear from him i wouldnt mind. Am I wrong?
2006-09-20 03:31:50 · 11 answers · asked by Blk Angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Really thank you guys for all your answers. Especially u Empress. Sometimes i feel as though i am made out to be the bad guy bcos I choose to stay far away from him. There have been times my father-in-law has been mad at me for this, but I feel I have a right to protect my relationship from someone who nearly destroyed it. Every now and then when remember all he's done I get mad. Bcos of what he put me through I am deciding to be a mentor to kids who go through the same thing. Thanks
2006-09-20 08:12:10 · update #1
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I agree with Empress and say that there's no rule that says you MUST have a relationship with your siblings. Some siblings, like your brother, need some time to work through some issues. What I have done is spoke with my siblings and told them how their behavior makes me feel and that it is keeping us from having a close relationship. I want a close relationship, but I refuse to be used and abused. If they decide to treat me with respect, then I will be happy to hang out with them. Not until then. I wish you luck!
2006-09-20 03:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your heart feels you don't want a relationship with your brother DON'T! You two were raised together, but it doesn't mean you have to be friends.
I think you'd just be inviting "more" troubles to your own life if you even botherd with him.
Not sure what you could do about the nightmares. Maybe try seeing more comidies, read fun books, do more happy things with your wife.
2006-09-20 10:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think your wrong at all for thinking like that. It sounds like it would be best to sever all ties with your brother after what he has put you through. I wouldn't even consider trying to rebuild a relationship with him. If you feel the need to speak to him for closure call him and let him know that you no longer want anything to do with him and tell him that as far as you are concerned he is no brother of yours. He has no-one to blame but himself so let him know that your relationship has ended once and for all because of his behaviour.
2006-09-20 10:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by Emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. Your brother is toxic. Next time it might be 23 kicks to the face and that 23rd one might kill you. Nicely tell them to allow you to handle your sibling relationships in a manner in which you are comfortable.
2006-09-20 10:34:20 · answer #4 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, i'd have some things to cleaify with him but after that, almost beating me to death doesn't deserve one ounce of my breath to try and make up what's been destroyed by his senseless act. It's BS! Until he appologizes and I know that he means every word that came along with it, I have no sympathy for him what so ever!
2006-09-20 10:44:42 · answer #5 · answered by kz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are wrong, but with in your self, you have to forgive him, so you can remain sane, and that is the right thing to do. but later you will know when you can lay it all to rest, that had to be very hard for you to know, that some one, whom you looked up to, would treat you so cold. that is a lot to swallow. I am going to share something with you, how I have tough myself to forgive. If God, can forgive me, then i have to learn to forgive others. If this is too heavy on your heart, then I do suggest you go for counseling. But if you let it go in your heart, you will be alright.
2006-09-20 10:45:08 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no baby. .your not wrong me and all of my sisters are the same way. . family should be the only constant in our lives but sometimes they forget whats most important. . and that should be family. . just let what happens happen. be the bigger man. call him on his b day or something. . . . Good Luck
2006-09-20 10:35:36 · answer #7 · answered by bunny b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are wrong at all for being jaded, upset, or completely disliking your brother. I see no need for you to talk to someone so disrespectful! I would completely avoid him if I were you.
2006-09-20 10:36:57 · answer #8 · answered by The Muppet Fairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't wrong..people can change but if you kicked your wife 22 times..they wouldn't want your wife to call you.
2006-09-20 10:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by kitty_in_the_outback 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him he is poison..but do get therapy so that you can deal with it...he is a nut case..you are a man who needs help dealing with his abuse of you...you owe him nothing...
2006-09-20 10:36:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋