Hi all, I need help because I am at a crossroad here. I have a boyfriend that I have been in an intimate relationship over 2 years.
I think I found my husband, no I know I found him. But we are having problems in the friend department. I have some friends that I have been cool with for a yearor so....my co-workers.
I am glad were are friends because I really didnt have too many.
We hang alot and have fun. But my boyfriend is from my hometown but he works out of state but not too far because we can drive back and forth to see each other, which we have. But he doesnt like the fact that my friends are single and they go out alot he thinks they dont respect our relationship, he doesnt mind us goin out but he doesnt like that we go bar-hopping, he says we should do something else. Because of his work I see him 2 or 3 times a month. I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends.
2006-09-20 03:12:09 · 17 answers · asked by Dawn K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He thinks that my girls should understand that I am in a relationship and that I shouldnt do certain things that they do because they are single. I agree but I like my friends and he seems a bit controlling or are his request just things I should be abiding by? To sum it up he feels he should be put first before my friends because we are in a serious relationship.
What should I do?
2006-09-20 03:12:27 · update #1
personally, I don't feelit is appropriate to go out clubing all the time if you are in a serious relationship. Once in a while, like once every couple of months is o.k., but the bar scene is a meat market, and when you are commited, it is not appropriate to do this. One of our close friends are now in a divorce because of this, his wife was going clubing withher singe friends every week-end, even going on trips, and eventually, he was done. You have to have a mutual respect for your partner, and if he/she is uncomfortable with something, dicuss it and come to a comprimise. I'm sure if something made you feel uncomfortable, he would fix it. Not to the point of control, but when you are talking marriage, you need to take your spouses feelings and values into consideration. Further more, if you ar eonly seeing him a couple of times amonth, and you are soo in love with him, why wouldn't you want to spend all your time with him. Maybe you need to reconsider where your feelings are, and if you are ready for a serious relationship.
2006-09-20 03:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by shrimpseys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well any guy your in a relationship with weather u see them once a month or every day they really don't like there girlfriend going bar hopping because people do stupid things some times that can rune a relationship and hurt your partner. he is only scared and cares about u and doesn't want anything to happen to u. when a girl is with a group of single girls drunk its more easier to get another guy that u no u don't wan if your sober because u have already found your husband and if this ever did happen u would feel so guilty and bad hurt and like a cheater Ive seen this happen and now the girl is heart broken and drinks everyday now because she threw her life away and the guy is still hurt about it and still asks y well good luck but your bf does have a good point he only says it because he loves you
2006-09-20 06:34:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right to hang out with your friends all the time when your boyfriend isn't down there to see you. but when he is there you should devote your whole time to him since you only see him 2 or 3 times a month...i was grounded for 3 weeks and i was going crazy not being able to see my boyfriend and when i did get off restrictions i spent the whole day with him soo yea your boyfriend should be your number one priority when he comes to see you...if he is has a problem with you bar-hopping then respect his wishes and dont because i bet you would get mad at him if you found out he was bar-hopping with his single guy friends...just put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel if he acted the way you are.
2006-09-20 03:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by crazybayb20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are only seeing him 2 or 3 times a month you should give him all of your attention when you are with him. You have the rest of the month to hang with your girls.
2006-09-20 03:14:17 · answer #4 · answered by momcat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth..he's right!!! You should talk to your friends and explain that when he's in town you will be spending your time with him because you only see him 2-3 times a month, and when he's away you will spend your time with them. If you don't make these changes you will definately lose him. Remember that when a guy doesn't get what he needs from you when he's home, then they will find what they need somewhere else!!!!!!
You're not losing your mind..... you're losing you're man. LOL
2006-09-20 03:32:27 · answer #5 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds unreasonable and he seems to not trust you.
You should be able to go out with friends, whether it's "bar hopping" or "window shopping" he should trust you enough to do what you want. Besides, you only see him a few times a month. Are you supposed to sit at home and do nothing until he's around. He needs a reality check. That's crazy.
Remember, if you go along with this it will get worse. First your friends will be a problem, then your family or job will be a problem...
Be careful and good luck, Girl!
2006-09-20 03:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by Marsha Mellow 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Definitely see a controlling aspect to his request however hes right...if youre in a serious relationship it cant revolve around other friends as much. Id be the judge of it if i were you...you need to figure out whos more important there...your friends or your lover.
2006-09-20 03:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well babe...considering you see him only 2-3 times a month I dont think he should have a problem with you going out with your girlfriends...as long as you're not doing anything to jeopardize your relationship. He has to understand that you may ge lonely etc. However, when you are with him...do give him your full attention and time...and do things that he likes (since you have the other times to do whatever you like with your girlfriends). It's not like you're giving him the full 30days...I think it's fair this way. Both for you and him.
2006-09-20 03:17:08 · answer #8 · answered by Dellilah Patchouly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should be put first and your friends should understand that. You going out every now and then isn't a bad thing especially when you two are apart, but to go do it with him there, especially if you don't have that much time together is just wrong. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
2006-09-20 03:18:02 · answer #9 · answered by VeeateU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Galfriend, he has no problme with your friends, its the bar-hopping that he does not like... i agree with him. hang out with your friends in other places...do something constructive, when u get married, u will still go bar hopping coz thats the habit u got into. he's a nice guy, stick to him and so change the habit...its not worth it...who wants a wife or g/f that goes around hanging out in bars? it doesnt show self respect.
2006-09-20 03:19:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋