Hi all, I need help because I am at a crossroad here. I have a boyfriend that I have been in an intimate relationship over 2 years.
I think I found my husband, no I know I found him. But we are having problems in the friend department. I have some friends that I have been cool with for a yearor so....my co-workers.
I am glad were are friends because I really didnt have too many.
We hang alot and have fun. But my boyfriend is from my hometown but he works out of state but not too far because we can drive back and forth to see each other, which we have. But he doesnt like the fact that my friends are single and they go out alot he thinks they dont respect our relationship, he doesnt mind us goin out but he doesnt like that we go bar-hopping, he says we should do something else. Because of his work I see him 2 or 3 times a month. I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends.
2006-09-20 03:10:55 · 23 answers · asked by Dawn K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
He thinks that my girls should understand that I am in a relationship and that I shouldnt do certain things that they do because they are single. I agree but I like my friends and he seems a bit controlling or are his request just things I should be abiding by? To sum it up he feels he should be put first before my friends because we are in a serious relationship.
What should I do?
2006-09-20 03:11:07 · update #1
The husband/wife relationship far exceeds any other.
Marriage is the fine art of compromise. Allbeit, sometime quite difficult. If you and he are unable to compromise on this area, then perhaps this isn't the time to consider marriage. If it is meant to be that you are to be together, then you will someday.
2006-09-20 03:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by Robert 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you're serious about "finding" your husband, why would you NOT want to spend time with him when he visits. If the frequency is 2-3 times a month then I would think you would WANT to spend the time with him and tell your girlfriends that he comes first so you can't go out with them on nights he visits. As for the rest of the time when he is not there, if your intentions are honorable and you have no desire to find someone else when you 'go out' bar hopping then go out with your friends. Maybe not tell your boyfriend about all the times if he's going to complain. Just say you were at a friends house- but don't try that when the time comes when you both can be together full time. Then you will have to curb your habits or take him with (which may not be a bad thing if everyone gets along).
Good luck and have a great day!!!
2006-09-20 10:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Coo coo achoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not the one.. You have to find a guy that lets you do your own thig... This is his way of controlling you right from the start.. Sure, things change when a person gets married. I don't run with the guys like I used to, but never on any ocassion has my wife ever asked me to stop seeing certain friends weather male or female.. I come and go when I want, of course I take care of my family matters first and she is free to do the same. In fact I encourage it.. In a relationship there needs to be total trust, and absolutly no jealousey on both sides.. Both parties need there own space as well as time together.. I say you are going down the wrong road with this dude... The best advice is to ask your family and friends what they think of this dude... You may not like what you hear but beleive me.. they are on the outside looking in, they know if he is the one.. Havn't you ever seen a friend in a crap relationship they thought was just fine?? Be careful and have a great life..
2006-09-20 10:19:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's selfish, you see your friends all the time and only a few times a month do you see him. If you really love him you would consider his feelings and show him that he is the most important person in the world to you. Love is a decision, not a feeling-and that is what holds relationships together. Even when things are tough, you've made a decision to stay with that person and put their best interests above your own. If you can't make that kind of commitment, you're not ready for marriage. Yes friends are important, but if they are truly your friends they will understand that you need time with your man, too. He NEEDS to have all of your attention when he comes home, and if he doesn't- I wouldn't blame him for calling it quits. Better now, than to do it after the "I do's".
2006-09-20 10:20:46 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm troubled by something. Why don't you think he's entitled to full time alone with you when he's home for 2-3, I assume not consecutively? Shouldn't your friends come second then? Is he more demanding of your time than you've said so far? I, no offense, kind of feel sorry for him. You seem to be complaining about what your getting to do possible ten times more often, spend time with friends as opposed to with him. I can't judge his opinion of your friends. Perhaps he should give them the benefit of the doubt. As for bars, well, it doesn't seem appropriate, but I'd not make a big deal out of it, though you apparently understand his concern.
Perhaps I'm wrong, but I somehow feel that you deep down already knew the answer to your question, but had some hope someone could rationalize your thoughts and desires, as if to commend you on your need for independence. But few of us can. Sorry.
2006-09-20 10:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK you see your friends all the time and you only see him a couple of times a month of course he wants your attention. You say you found your husband well when you get married it's a huge responsibility the bar scene will eventually be cut down to maybe 2 times a month if that! Before you get married make sure this is something you are willing to give up!
So yes I do think you are being selfish. If you hardly see him why would you want to hang out with your friends when he is there to BE WITH YOU!!!!! Be considerate of him; put yourself in his shoes. Do things he likes when he is ther for you. You have the rest of the days to hang out with your friends!!!
2006-09-20 10:20:16 · answer #6 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your boyfriend comes home you should spend atleast a good awake time not including sex of 6 hours. You do need to put him first a little when he comes back. Just like you want to feel important to him, he needs to feel the same from you. If your expecting him to be your husband than you need to respect eachother. You cannot totally ignore eachother due to friendships, or work. If you go out you really should include him whenever possible. I'm sure you have tons of time to spend time with your friends 1 on 1 when he isn't around.
2006-09-20 10:17:11 · answer #7 · answered by RACHAEL R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not the most important thing in you life...yet, but if you plan on marrying him he will be. His requests really don't seem that demanding, but if you're having issues with them now, what will they be like if you do get married? Couldn't you and your friends go to a movie or do something fun and yet still respect his wishes?
Bar-hopping isn't the only fun thing out there!
2006-09-20 10:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lacking Daisies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh I really think there should be some time but also relationship's? I guess one question I see are people not in the same home or apartment I guess is the best but for true love I know " not made any sense "
2006-09-20 10:27:10 · answer #9 · answered by David H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends. "
And, you only see him 2 or 3 times a month????
Wow, lady! I wouldn't put up with that for even a minute! Are you selfish?? Duhhhh! Not only selfish, but totally self centered! My advice to him would be to cut and RUN....Not walk...away!
A good guy certainly deserves more from a mate than you're obviously willing to give.
Do him a favor and dump him!!
2006-09-20 10:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋