do you think this is good? u need your opion?

Question

I wish there was one moment,
That everything would just freeze,
So I could think,
What’s going on in my life?
What am I doing wrong?
What do I need to fix?
I wish my brain would just stop,
So I could take a breathe
So I could be free,
So I could think,
And not be afraid of what might happen next.

Answer 1

good... :-)

Answer 2

Unfortunately, no.

The reason this is not a good poem is that there is nothing to distinguish this from a journal entry, or letter to the editor, or email, or greeting card...

In short, there is nothing "poetic" written here. What I mean by that is not that *what* you are writing is wrong. There is no *wrong* in terms of content. The problem is with *how* you're conveying it. To be a poem, the piece must show much greater attention to specific, concrete detail, have language that is chosen for precise meaning, or allusion to meaning, pose questions that are specific rather than vague, etc. Poetry is an inherently communicative act, so attention to the piece in terms of what *exactly* is to be communicated to the reader is also important. There are other elements as well, such as efficiency of verbiage, compaction of meaning, etc. that basically boil down to stylistic choice as to what extent you will employ them.

But stylistically, there is nothing up there that has been crafted using the specific arts/practices/conventions/breaks-from-convention, etc. of poetry. Here are a few great books below worth looking at. Particularly Kowit's is great for distinguishing the elements that make writing poetry different from other more relaxed modes. All can be found on Amazon and will really help any aspiring poet.

Answer 3

Good for what?

Did you express yourself clearly, yes. Did you tame reality with metaphor? No.

It is always good to express yourself, your needs and your fears in a healthy way. Poetry is just the thing for that.

As a poem itself, well, you're not going to win any awards. Sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. There is no metaphor. No style. You state your feelings and walk away. The feelings expressed would make a great poem, just make the journey a little more interesting. Take me inside your fear, your confusion. Color it with dark oils and fairly lighted pastels. Hold my hand as we climb to the peak of your joy and as we fall to the summit of your despair. Let me stand with you as the runaway train of your mind tears off the track, and allow me the honor of watching you put it all back together again.

That is what seperates poetry from journal entries. You know what's in your mind, now paint it.

Answer 4

Is it a poem, or are you wanting an opinion on that wish? Or what?

Yeah.. I'd rather not have anything stop myself, but I can understand some other people would want or need to.

I'm rather just charging at life rather than letting it lead me around.

Answer 5

Pretty good. Real human angst. Look at The Scream for a visual of this.

Answer 6

I like it very much. It sounds like someone confused and maybe with some depression who wants desperately to be able to think clearly and not be afraid.

Answer 7

ok i totally like where you are coming from but you sound like you were forced to write it. like you wrote it for an english class or something. you sould let the words come to you. dont force them out.

Answer 8

Sweet. Innocent. If I was feeling mean, childish.

Answer 9

sorry u haven't gotten it right ,try with a little more depth.

Answer 10

no

Answer 11

EXCELLENT !