I met my husband when I was eighteen. We married and have been together for 16 years. He is 20 years older than myself and I believe he is my soulmate, we share almost everything. We just have one itty bitty problem that he just clams up when I ask...
He is never (and I mean never) in the mood!! I stay fit, am quite attractive, and full of energy and ready to go every single night, yet he just rolls over and starts snoring! The last 5 years he has been this way, and I have tried everything - dressing up in sexy ligure, intimate dinners, gee I've even watched the footy with him with nothing on, yet I cannot get him to become a little bit interested! Most nights I roll over and cry myself to sleep, and then the next day everything is ok again. I've just put it down to age, and maybe he doesn't feel like it anymore? Is this what happens as men get older? Or could there be something wrong with him...or worse yet, something wrong with me???
2006-09-20 03:05:54 · 13 answers · asked by ang_172 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sounds like you are getting a lot of "PC" answers. Big surprise! Have you considered the fact that you have been married for 16 years! Sex with anyone is boring after 16 years.
Plus, he's 54! Men's sex drive starts to decline in their mid 30's, by the time a guy reaches his 50's, there isn't much left! Especially for someone he has been married to for 16 years.
I say focus on the other things you enjoy about the relationship. If other areas of your relationship are solid - forget about the sex. Your drive will diminish in a few years also.
2006-09-20 03:29:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK it is a myth that men are the same at 80 as they were in there 20's. Sex is great at 54. Many men suffer from erectile dysfunction, something to bring up for sure. Me and my wife got out of the habit of having regular sex when we were in our fourtys. It took a little counseling but the doc told me to make sure we had sex twice a week.....what a prescription. I made him write it out so my wife wouldn't think I was joking. It has made a difference, we are more cuddly, more like we were when we just got married. Talk to him about your feelings tell him you need physical intimacy with him. Some times it just habit, part of it is age. Men and women lose interest some times but it is essential to a good healthy marriage. Slap him on the head for me.
2006-09-20 09:29:37 · answer #2 · answered by James L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can sorta understand, @ 16 where you're coming from, but then, I wouldn't call myself a man;; but seriously, there is something very wrong with your 54y/o girlfriend;; she should have enough common sense to figure this out;; maybe she's looking to have children, but did you ever think maybe that's YOU!! Sorry, sick, I feel bad for your mom, she wants a good life for you;; most mom's want their children to have a better life than what they have experienced;; sorry, again, but you probably broke your mother's heart;; something else is going on in this 16/54 y/o relationship that is not truly evident right now for you;; not right
2016-03-17 23:12:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not 54 years old yet. But I'm beginning to imagine that it has something to do with his health. Try discussing with him your concern and determine the problem. You might want to consult for help from a professional that corresponds to the problem. For example, he is diabetic or already suffering from erectile dysfunction, convince him to seek medical help. I don't believe that it has something to do with his age at all. He's only 54! Just ask him and assure him that you're prepared to accept for whatever he has to confess as to why he's not satisfying your needs lately... he just might talk. Once you determine the problem, propose solutions and that you'll be there to help him.
2006-09-20 03:35:51 · answer #4 · answered by Mike N. D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not a happy scenario. People do slow down bit as we get older but little effort or no effort is a a sign. But a sign of what?
he may be unhappy with himself,his job who knows..
The first thing to avoid Is the I'm not good enough question..its rhetorical negative statement and won't go anywhere.
I would get partnership counselling try to loosen up the conversation
there maybe something your both yet to know about one and other
relationships take effort on both side and they can require fine tuning here and there..
2006-09-20 03:25:08 · answer #5 · answered by alfred jarry jnr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened to communication? ASK him!!! Ask him what's going on in a non threatening way. Perhaps he does have ED. Tell him you love him, and that you don't like being ignored in the bedroom. It might be plain old stress, and he's dealing with a work problem that's not being resolved so unconsciously he brings it home and it controls him! Perhaps finances are a worry and he feels he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Whatever it is if you let him know that you love him, and that this is a bad time for him but you are partners and he is convinced that he has your unconditional love and patience I think the truth will be told. Give him the confidence that you will work on the problem together. Marriages go thru these periods, it is not that uncommon. Don't blame yourself. Be patient. Keep loving him, if still unresolved in 3 months ask him to go with you for couples counseling. You are both worth it!
2006-09-20 03:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by Shaman 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sure doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you. It's him and not his age. If he's not seeing someone else then there is something wrong with him. Tell him if he can't tell you what's wrong then he should see a doctor. I'm not 54, but am 51. You said this has been going on for almost 5 years? Somethings up with him.
2006-09-20 03:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by jepa8196 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not 54 but hey maybe you can slip him a blue pill or just ask him to take one..
2006-09-20 03:14:00 · answer #8 · answered by ginoscl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey...we have something in common marriage and age gap almost identical, only I am the guy, I can assure there is nothing wrong with my libido, My appetite has not wavered, in fact it got more interesting as time went by. I suspect that your partner may be having a crisis that is affecting him, do not despair or blame yourself, talking is always a very good option. Good luck.
2006-09-20 04:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Masterwho? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It maybe side effects to other medication he is on leading to ED. I suggest get him out to walk in the evenings and a Dr. visit.
2006-09-20 03:18:59 · answer #10 · answered by Virginia V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋