Here goes. I was in a verbally abusive marriage as a 22 year old. He was living the single life with his work mates while I was at home with our 15 mth old baby. This marriage obviously did not last. A few months later I met this wonderful man and we fell ever so madly in love. He was my first true love. Romantic, gorgeous, loved my daughter like his own, had so many talants.. He was the perfect package. We ended up dating for 1 & a half years and even spoke of marriage. The problem was my family didn't think he was good enough for me as he was going no where in life. I really valued their imput and ended the relationship with my head, certainally not my heart. Years later I married a lovely man, had 2 children. My family basically pushed me towards this marriage. The thing is my ex has come back into my life and I still love him so much. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our family. But there is no spark there. I'm so confused and don't want to hurt anyone or myself.
2006-09-20 01:29:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well sounds to me like you are in a hard place,your heart is saying one thing and your mind is saying an other.you have every thing in the marrage but no spark,this is something you have to work at ,as far as your ex he is the father of your first so you will see him at times you must decide if it is worth giving up everything, to try againas you get older your going to find that spark is just the feeling that you have someone that cares for you. good luck.
2006-09-20 01:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by macki4 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a hard thing. Just because you say "I do", doesn't mean everything in your past gets erased. And keeping up a "spark" does take effort.
I would have to say if you value your relationship with your husband and don't want to tear apart your family, to not have an affair. If the other man was going nowhere then is he still nowhere now? What would be the benefits of being with him at this point in your life? If you were to be with him again, you may even find the the feelings you're having are about a person you loved years ago, that your mourning for. Not necessarily the man he has become now.
I would work on my marriage and try to get the spark going there. Try new things together (sexually and socially). Have date nights so you have alone time. Maybe you were pushed into this relationship by your family, but there must have been something there for you to let yourself be pushed. Try to rediscover what that something is.
2006-09-20 01:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to ask you to so the wrong thing...
You have a family and children that need a stable home. On the other hand, you are not happy and cannot sacrifice your life in a marriage that lacks spark, to use your own terms.
You do not know if the relationship with the love of your life will last, and if it does not and you have already broken up your family and hurt your children, you will regret the mistake.
So dear, have your cake and eat it. Have an affair with the guy and stay with your family and play the role of loving mother and wife. You will be happy... and make sure that you are not found out!
2006-09-20 02:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by fareen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite honestly, you need to look into your heart and ask yourself where you really want to be.....if it is with this man, then explain it to your husband, and get a divorce, its going to hurt, but its going to hurt so much more in the long run if you dont take the risk, if there is nothing with your husband (no spark) then you shouldnt be there.....why hurt him any longer, allow him the chance to be truely happy to because garunteed, if you arent happy then he probably isnt either......
Bear in mind you should never stay with someone if you arent happy on account of the children.....chances are they arent either.....others will always sense what a person is feeling when a persons heart is in turmoil....children and animals esspecially.
do what you need to do.....BUT
next time seriously think things through before you take the leap......
2006-09-20 02:00:45 · answer #4 · answered by Mintjulip 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also was "pushed" into a marriage by my well-meaning parents. After 24 years, I finally worked up the courage to say enough.
Don't wait as long as I did to make choices --- I missed so many opportunities. You only have one life to experience true happiness. You just need to decide how that happiness is going to be achieved.
2006-09-20 01:38:52 · answer #5 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should not go back to your x nor should you stay in this marriage if you don't feel love and you were forced into the marriage. YOu need to get out there and find someone who will first of all love you, respect you and most of all be loyal to you and you should be madly in love with him too.
2006-09-20 07:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart.. life is to short to live by what if's. If you love this man that do waht ever it takes to be with him. Love knows no boundries and you have to be willing to fight for him. If the lost love of yours wants to be with you and you love him completely go for it.. there is a saying " If you love something set it free if it comes back it was ment to be if it does nto it never was" you set him free and he came back. What does that tell you? Good luck!
2006-09-20 02:10:46 · answer #7 · answered by chick29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do that to your kids. At least have the decency to be straight forward with your husband, and he'll attempt t revive the spark. Don't punish all of those involved because you can't decide what you want....
2006-09-20 01:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by 2ndammendmentsupporter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation, my ex and I ended up divorcing but it was because of him cheating on me and I ended up getting back with my 1st true love and we got married.
2006-09-20 01:42:12 · answer #9 · answered by its just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's just the sexual attraction and not emotional set-up a discreet arrangement.Sounds to me like your emotions are leading the way so i say don't do it.The body needs love the mind needs strings.
2006-09-20 02:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by desayunogratis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋