So the marriage has been over for 9 years - the ex gets a very NICE child support check every single week - the non-custodial parent WANTS more time with their kid - but the custodial parent - REFUSES....NO, there is no abuse or anything of that nature.
The ex refuses any type of open communciation. If the ex can not control the situation - IT refuses to talk. IT Simply states- get the court ordered changed.
Now the non custodial parent is very active in the child life - just wants more time - 1 day a week and every other weekend and time during the summer is NOT in the best interest of a child. Do you think so?
So do any of you think IT will change ITs mind? When do you think IT will "get over it" and start putting the kids first?
Suggestions???
2006-09-20 01:29:22 · 13 answers · asked by WhatNext 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have not said this is about a mother anywhere in this question - WHERE ARE YOU GUYS READING THIS????.....I also referre to the person as "IT" as to not being specific as to the father having custody or the mom. As for the statement that I am being bitter......this is about a family members situtation - NOT MINE...thanks anyways! I thought it was open ended....GEESH!
2006-09-20 02:41:53 · update #1
can we say take IT to court and make them give you that one day a week and every other weekend,and what about Christmas and thanksgiving,this is not fare to you,if your paid up with your child support then your can make her give you those rights,but through the courts.
2006-09-20 01:46:25 · answer #1 · answered by DENISE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Based on the limited information here, it's hard to advise. I don't know "It's" reasons, why the marriage broke up in the first place, what bad feelings were generated, whether "it" is just being stubborn or whether "it" actually has consistent reasons of "its" own for behaving this way.
One thing I would do, however, is avoid referring to one's ex-spouse as "it" -- even if you're frustrated and angry. Stooping to "its" perceived level isn't a good stance to take, nor does it foster an attitude that is open to reconciliation if "it" ever changes "its" mind or does budge.
Divorce and kid custody can get ugly, and often one parent if not both does use the kids as a point of control.
I DO know a divorced couple where that has happened. Ironically, the divorce was definitely the fault of one of them (infidelity and then leaving the family); but over time, their attitudes switched. The abandoned spouse slowly turned into be a cold-hearted jerk; and when the other one realized what a jerk they'd been and softened up or at least wanted to keep things on civil terms, the other one simply threw the kids in the middle and played as much hardball as possible. It really hurt to see a parent who had formerly been responsible become callous about the children's needs and act in a such a self-centered manner.
In any case, I would not depend on the ex-spouse changing their mind. If this ill will has been strengthening over nine years, it's not going to turn around any time soon.
One thing you can hope for is that, when the kids reach adulthood, they will remember what a jerk the custodial spouse was and how much more considerate the non-custodial had been than expected. (Kids can have their perceptions toyed with, sure, but they also intuitively know who is using them or which parent is less interested in their feelings. And they don't forget. They still want to know both parents, even after strife has occurred.)
Your options depend on the state in which you live. Each state handles marriage, divorce, and custody issues based on their own laws. While it might not seem fair, if the legal agreement stated by the court was specific about the custody rights, then the ex-spouse is legally within their rights to follow it.
If you believe strongly that the custody agreement is not fair, then the only real way to override your spouse IS to get the court order changed. This will cost money, but you feel strongly about more time with the kids, then it's worth it.
Meanwhile, I would document each denial of extra time by the ex, any unreasonable behavior by the ex, and make a list of good reasons why custody time should be more evenly split during the summer. The more 'facts" that can be mustered, the better. The court will look at long-term past behavior and attitudes. If child support payments have been made promptly and consistenty, that helps too.
A lawyer could better advise.
2006-09-20 08:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are three sides to every story. his hers and the truth. you refer to her as it. thats kind of a sign that you are pretty hateful towards her too.
if you want different visitations, you are going to have to take her to court. i dont see that 1 day a week and every other weekend and then time in the summer is too much to ask.
being an ex, id like to know how the kid acts when she comes home from your home. is she rowdy and telling her mother that its ok because you said she could? is she supertired? do you have the same rules for both places?
there could be a lot of reasons that she is telling you no more visitation. it could be a security issue. it could be that the kid tells her that you let her get away with murder and she tries to run wild when she gets back to her mother. could it be that your negative attitude towards your ex might make her have a negative attitude towards her mother when she gets home?
sit down and ask.
2006-09-20 09:11:26 · answer #3 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will probably only change its mind if it gets more child support like my husbands ex wife. It has a problem and I would take her to court or talk to a lawyer and maybe settle out of court but if it keeps acting like that try to get custody and make it pay you support and let it see what it feels like to have to have someone elses permission to see your child.
2006-09-20 08:33:41 · answer #4 · answered by stormyblythe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IT will NEVER get over it.
IT is using the kid as a pawn to exact revenge.
...IT doesn't deserve custody. But I digress.
I suggest just being there for hi... er, the NCP. Really, that's all that can be done.
That, or call IT's bluff and have the visitation order changed.
2006-09-20 08:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by kagetatewaki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't have any suggestions, but I understand. I am going through about the same situation. But my ex tells me our daughter is too young to come spend time with me. My daughter is 11. It's funny she wasn't too young to be with me when we were married and I was changing her diaper. I think it is a jealously thing. Our ex's are jealous of the time our kids spend with us and they are afraid the children will love us more than them. I am just waiting for the day my daughter is old enough to make this decision on her own.
2006-09-20 08:40:25 · answer #6 · answered by Alan J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope it wont change, my husbands x is like that in alot of ways.. shes very spiteful and vindictive even though shes the one that wanted out of the marriage but she loves to use the kids as pawns to control my husband and she feels since she is the mother of the kids that she gets to dictate what we can and can not do.. she likes to be Queen Bee.. and although at times she doesnt mind letting us have the kids when we ask its usually because that gives her more time to spend with her bf and she's shown in alottttttttt of ways that she'd rather be with him then a parent.. we see the kids fairly often because she'll call and make up these huge emergencies in her family so we will take the kids just to find out she was lying and went over to the bf's house instead, which is fine by us cause we want to spend as much time with the kids.. but she likes to demand and dictate to us when we can and cant have them.. for the last several years she's told the kids that she doesnt believe in Halloween anymore and that if we want to go trick or treating that we have to pay for their costumes and take them.. which was fine by us.. then suddenly last year because her sister wanted to do something for halloween she suddenly decided we couldnt have them.. so she picks and chooses when things benefit her, like now she says she doesnt celebrate Easter so we can have them on Easters.. but thats only till her family wants to do something then she'll say we cant have them anymore.. She does all she can to get the kids to hate us.. especially me even though ive been nothing but nice to her.. and watch the kids for her any time she needed me to.. shes one of those people that are nice to ur face then stab u in the back when they get the chance.. So unfortunately ur x is doing the same to u, soon as she needs something then u'll be the first she turns to , but other then that, she is going to treat u like crap..
You may want to look at your divorce decree again because most divorce papers say that if a man gives reasonable notice that they are allowed to have their child anytime they want as long as she has nothing planned, so keep a log of all times u've called and asked to spend time with ur child and all times that she has turned u down, and hold her in contempt of court.. and Most times, if u have to hold someone in contempt and the judge sides in ur favor, the person causing the contempt has to pay all court costs because its their fault that ur there..
2006-09-20 08:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you referred to me as IT, I would not think that you deserved to spend time with the kids either and probably referred to me as IT in front of the kids. YOU sound bitter. You were obviously at fault here or wouldn't be so defensive. Maybe you should seek counseling, resolve your anger issues, treat your ex with the respect that you would a stanger and things would work out better for you.
2006-09-20 09:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you sound like real jerk!! i think the ex probably has a good reason for not wanting you in the kids lives any more than what you are. change your attitude and apologize for all the crap that you did during the marriage and maybe your ex will allow IT (meaning you) to be with your kids more.
2006-09-20 10:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by sheh8shim4ever 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"IT" has you by the balls and loves the fact that IT is in control. I'm sorry that your kids are having to go through this. "IT" will eventually hurt the kids, in time they will see who the best parent is, be patient. Hey! wasn't "IT" a name of a movie? Good Luck.
2006-09-20 08:36:07 · answer #10 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋