I grew up in a Jamaican Ghetto. When I was ateenager, my mom made me find boyfriends that could support us both financially. Finally, I met one who wanted to be a singer, and my mom told me to trap him with a kid so that he would support us. Unfortunately, his mom gave him the chance to go abroad, so there wasnt much I could do. I didnt love this guy, but my mom kept pushing me to marry him, so I threatened that he wouldnt be able to see our child if he didnt, and so he finally did. But he never lived here. I felt kind of bad, because it wasnt even a real marriage, and I wanted to marry someone I chose. Anyways, the child died accidentally. A few weeks passed before I even told him the child died. So he came out here for the funeral etc. My mom, again kept prodding me to get another kid before he left, and even though I didnt want to, I had to try to do somehow. Eventually, he gave in, but told me it was over, so that made me feel even worse about myself. I had the other child, and now
2006-09-20 01:26:08 · 11 answers · asked by Dara C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont know what to do. I was seeing some other guys, you know, I didnt love him, he didnt love me. My mom convinced me that he would never support the child now, so I had to call every week for all kinds of cash, even though I was working and he was sending enough to support the child. Anyways, everytime I called, we would have an argument because I didnt know how to really talk to him, knowing that what I did to him was wrong. But I had to please my mom. So finally, he cut off all contact with me, except sending money. I'm so sorry it was too late for him to realize that I did this for my mom, and not because I wanted to be with him. So now he has re-married and moved on with his life, and his wife has been more than pleasant and helpful interms of taking care of the child and keeping the bond growing. And I hate her, because I really like her, and I really wanted the chance to have with another guy, what she has with him now. I dont know what to do, or even how to approach him.
2006-09-20 01:31:53 · update #1
How do I move on with my life, away from my mom?
2006-09-20 01:32:18 · update #2
What am I going to tell my child when s/he starts to ask me questions, I feel so ashamed.
2006-09-20 01:32:52 · update #3
Simply put, both you and your mother were wrong. Come on, there had to come a time when you thought to yourself, "this is wrong for me". Why put yourself, and another human being through that? It would have been simpler to move out and be with the guy you did like or even remotely love. Perhaps your mother did that, and needed you to do the same. If it is for the financial support, I can't be judgmental about it, cause I know what it is like to be in want or even need of the basic necessities. But what gave your mom the right to sell your body like that, because that is definitely what it sounds like. It sounds like you were pimped.
To escape this, you have to make up your mind. It has to occur to you that you could be in a better situation. A situation that you will create for you and your kid. You mom will have to let you go, because if she did that to you...if your kid is a girl...what do you think will happen to her when she comes of age?
Please, work and save, move into your own place, and do what you do. Support your mom as best you can, but put yourself and your kid first. Your ex-husband has moved on with his life, do that as well, and eventually you will be able to explain to him, why you did such a rotten thing to him.
Think about it, think about yourself and your kid. Imagine that you are able to survive on your own. It will come to you. I hate to say it, but it has always been said that you reap what you sow. Your deceased child is your big lesson to learn from. But you have to forgive yourself...because you know better now, and you will not ever do it again, or encourage someone else to do it.
2006-09-20 01:51:59 · answer #1 · answered by Blessed B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the child ask you start out with that you made some mistakes but they were not one of them. You also wait until he/her is old enough to understand a little or you will have that child feeling like it was all there fault and it wasn't. What you mother did was wrong and you should of stood up to her and said no. When you had the job that is when you should of cut the ties. I would suggest that you start to think about what affects you and your child before your mother. As far as the father with the wife's help you might be able to talk to him and explain and tell him how sorry that you are. Try talking to the wife and then maybe the two of you can talk to him. You know that it is never too late to find someone that is going to take care of you and love you. You just need not to give up. You mother may of thought that she was doing the right thing but you need to tell her that it wasn't right of her and that there are changes or she will lost a child and grandchild. Remember that you need to do what is best for you and your child and things that make you feel good about you and not fill you with regret.
2006-09-20 09:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read your question, and I am astonished that a JA girl allowed her mother to do something like this to her! I do not know what your ex-husband was thinking, but what you did is almost unforgiveable. If a girl did that to me, I don't know what I'd do. But I guess he lives abroad and you are still stuck in JA leting your mom live your life. I suppose God has already taken out his vengeance upon you, by taking your first child, then blessing you with the company of your next kid and your mother. Maybe that's all you need because you're too scared to just go off an live your life.
I tell you, you are lucky the man even supports the child, you lucky he even married a nice girl who encourages him to support the child. Some women would just tell the man to make you fend for yourself!
But look, you are a JA girl, and JA girls don't stand for **** too long.
Please , mi a beg yu, find yuself a nice young man, and move outa yu modda yaad!
2006-09-20 09:09:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking there must be something wrong with you! You trapped the guy once, and you felt bad about it...so you tra la la and trap him again?!
Then you want to know if you did the right thing or if you can escape it? The answer is a big fat NO. You are a woman, and yet you allow yourself to be used like that? I think it must have been traumatic for you to experience something like this at such an obviously young age...but no way are you going to convince me that you never thought to say NO to your mother when she was riding you to do it again!
I think you'll get what's coming to you, and so will your mom, but you can overcome it. Just be positive, and don't ever do it again, or encourage your child (if it's a girl) to do it!
2006-09-20 09:28:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are lucky the wife is good and supportive of the kid. You could give them the kid sometimes and get a life. You should not blame yourself for what has happened. It has been a lesson. Kids understand a lot more than you estimate and most certainly kids of these days. You can still find yourself a man who loves you and the kid and he will be lucky to have two dads. Come on, change your look and attract them guys you will not know until you try. Good luck and God Bless you
2006-09-20 08:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by tomnjerry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dereck is so blunt, but I think he has a good point here. Friend, you have not done the right thing, and there is no escape. Just accept the situaion for what it is, acknowledge the truth, and when you're ready, you can explain it to your ex-husband. And when your child has grown up, you can explain it to him or her as well.
Don't give up, but everything has it's consequences, and yu've already been punished for one, and you will be punished for the next, just hold strong. Maybe after your punishment you'll see that you need to move away from mom. But dont leave her high and dry...support her as much as you can.
2006-09-20 09:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by Briseis 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let the guy go. its high time your mom found another source of income coz its u dying with guilt here. Find someone u love, who will equally love u and start afresh. Its not worth it. Your mom will live to regret her decision. i grew up in a poor family, we'd hardly have enough food or money, but my mom never forced me to do such. u can heal from your past, just do whats right.
Friends are there to help you in such situations, thats why we are here.Is it possible for u to get a job and then move to another town? now that u are grown up, u can challenge your mom. dont allow her to rule uo life again coz nowa days there are disease and things like that...
As for your child, dont worry about what to tell her/him when grown up, when the time is right, the words will be right.
Just take care of that child no matter what and see to it that they never fall into what u went through as a child.
2006-09-20 08:34:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you have done all these wrong things for your mom and your life which is a very sad story and experience for your life time. So, you're already wrong and you have to live with it and you cannot try to escape and you have to face it. Wish you be strong and move on to start over a new life with a logic mind and to do the right things for the rest of your life. Good Lucky.
2006-09-20 09:17:04 · answer #8 · answered by Marilyn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no. you let your mom chose the decisions you should have chosen yourself. You let your mom live your life,
the consequence, the guy left you with a child. No one's supporting you now, is there?
Learn from these, and try to live YOUR life and make the decisions for yourself ...(and this time, for your kid as well)
2006-09-20 08:29:44 · answer #9 · answered by Jacky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
please caribbean woman you were wrong all through, you don't have to do the wrong things your mother pushes you to do, then marraige is a very serious thing and each person should have the right to choose there partner. what you went through was bad but what you need to do is live above all of that
2006-09-20 08:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by P S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋