Hi L & G
Well i hv been married for more than 7 months now
I thought with passage of time roles would reverse but my wife seems to be obsessed with herself
She just loves talking about herself ,her boss, her colleagues ,her mother, father ,sister and aunt but she never asks anything about me ,my work our future plans or never even wat to do in the coming weekend
Even if u talk about initiating for sex i m alws the 1 who makes the first move
I know she has been pampered like anything by her parents but i really fail to understand that even after 4 yrs in corporate world and being 26 yr old y doesnt she understand its all understanding each other and giving respect care and attention which makes the foundation for a successful marriage
I have spoken to dat in both subtle and direct manner but it has alws led to arguments or misunderstandings
i just want to ask all u peepz there especially all u u ladies wat cud be the reason for such a behaviour
2006-09-20 01:07:14 · 20 answers · asked by funky_dude 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have already answered that question yourself. your wife was spoiled as a child and has not grown up yet.she in her mind is still the little girl who gets all the attention, the only one who is important. This is something that should have been sorted out before you decided to marry, never assume you can change a person it very rarely happens.A sucessful marraige is all about give and take and communication. You really need to talk to her and say at the very beginning of the conversation you want her to listen until you have finished and you will give her the same courtesy when its her turn to answer. Stress you really need to get this off your chest or you fear your marraige is in trouble. That maybe will get her attention. She has to listen all the way through until you finish. Take this opportunity to get everything off your chest and be very honest with her. Do not speak in a derogitory manner or shout , just talk calmly and I hope she will listen to you. if she is not prepared to take a good look at herself and accept she has these issues then you are flogging a dead horse.Part of growing up and maturing is been able to look at yourself and find fault and work on how to improve that. 26 is still young and a spoilt 26 is hard work my friend. You then have to make a choice, if she listens then fantastic but if she doesnt then you have to choose wether you can live like this or not. I am guessing she will come straight back at you with a defense mode of yelling or screaming or denying there is a problem if this is the case let her do that, say nothing, then when she has finished ask her to go and re think her actions and words and think about what you have asked and told her about how you feel. then you go out for a few hours this will take away her reason to shout,it will make her look at what you have said and think about something other than herself for a while.It may work. good Luck
2006-09-20 01:20:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Landed yourself a little princess did you. If wifey can't find the time to show any interest in you, your work, your future plans together, why did she marry you in the first place. Did she know you were a push-over who would meet her every whim and desire without fail? Sounds like she may have only wanted a permanent piece of eye candy for those corporate functions. Some women, like to be excessively pampered and you seem to have found the reigning queen.
If you suspected something may have been amiss before the wedding, you should have addressed it and made sure it was resolvable .... however hindsight is 20/20 and that does not help you.
Start taking control over conversations. Talk about your work, your colleagues & family ..... don't let her interrupt or change the topic.
As far as making the 1st move for sex is concerned, you may never be able to swing that tide.
Good Luck to you --- you are going to need it.
2006-09-20 08:49:26 · answer #2 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, some people are like that, it is not a ladies thing. Be careful when talking to her about it. Next time express how you feel when she talks like that. When you use more of "I', you draw sympathy and understanding. When you use "you", you become an accuser, and this draws anger, resentment and the attendant result of being defensive.
Do not look at you wife as the problem. Both of you need to learn communicating to each other effectively. You should consider counselling, read books on marriage, etc Communication is the key to a happy marriage.
2006-09-20 08:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by tomnjerry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage big guy. What you did not recognize is life is all about her. You are just the guy who will not pay enough attention or "connect" in a few years after you have tuned out the monologue. Then based upon not responding to the monologue you will be told that you have nothing in common and she still loves you but she's not in love with you. You will be seen as quiet and not talkative. She might then come on Yahoo answers and tell everyone she thinks you are cheating because you have become so aloof and distant. She will be told to follow her heart and leave you.
All this because you have begun to think that every mundane detail of her life is not as interesting as it was when you were first trying to get lucky. Sadly it is what happens when a guy wakes up and thinks Well yea, I got her, we're married, she's mine, but what about me?
You might consider pointing out that life is not ALL about her and she could help yours by being a LITTLE interested in it. It is in fact what marriage is supposed to be about.
2006-09-20 08:23:39 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am really sorry for you. Your mistake here was that you didn't spend enough time together before marriage to find out the kind of person she is, by jumping into a marriage. She's obviously not in love with you because she loves herself too much.
You have a choice of whether to live with your mistake for the rest of your married life or otherwise. Can you live with this?
2006-09-20 08:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ever taught her to be less self involved so now its a habit and if u thought by marrying her u were going to change her, boy are u wrong lol.. best thing i can say is when she starts doing it.. put her on instant ignore.. when she wants to know whats wrong tell her.. and tell her from now on every time she does that ur going to just "ignore" her, cause although u like hearing about her day , u wish just once in awhile she'd ask about ur day and hear about your life.. but since everytime u try to "talk" to her about it, she goes into defense mode and it starts and arguement, u've decided to just ignore her all together.. eventually she'll get the picture and if she wants to talk to u , she'll learn she better do more listening and less talking.. so just get up and walk away when shes like that.. u dont have to argue, just put her on "mute" lol.. she'll eventually give in, because people that like to talk.. want to be heard..
2006-09-20 08:19:18 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It remains that way because you let it. And she doens't notice, because her life has been so self centered, she can't see the needs of others.
I suggest marriage counseling. It will help you get through this, and help you both learn methods to discuss things with each other without fighting. THe key to a good marriage is good communication. And communication goes both ways - it isn't JUST about what one person is saying, it's about the fact that the other person HEARS and UNDERSTANDS what you are saying...
2006-09-20 08:10:03 · answer #7 · answered by KB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man for a second there I thought you married my ex,but I think my ex mother in law would have told me. Good luck you're going to need it,if you don't have kids don't have any it's just more trouble during the divorce and it's not fair to them.Get the feeling I think your doomed?
2006-09-20 08:33:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
show your worth, otherwise be a puppate, you need make several moves to realize her, you want a love and care of a high level, just of a mum, stay for a while she will love you dont be in hurry, it was not her it was you to marry her.........is it true, then wait for her to realize the marriage is there.
do one thing forget about you and talk all the time on her and her activities, say i like you, your b oss, every thing of her, within month, she will change dont critize her, bring more gifts for her, but dont touch her in the bed..........try it
2006-09-20 08:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by afzalbrohi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why did you marry her in the first place? did you really think she would change? have you spoken to her about your feelings? i think you made a big mistake - i would get out now before you have kids cause then you will really be at the bottom of her list of priorities.
2006-09-20 09:23:53 · answer #10 · answered by livetall1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋