at work im being pestered by a man who has a problem.He makes fun of gays all the time,but even though i have a girlfriend,he seems to think im gay.He keeps making disgusting comments,and now hes started to touch me in a rather strange manner.The only person on my side is a gay man at work who very kindly offered to be a witness.wherever possible,but he is very busy,so he can only do this sometimes.Have any gay people on here got the knoweledge of what i should do next?I thought you may be the best people to ask.help!
2006-09-19 22:50:26 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He sounds like a closet case who is trying to get into your pants. Try turning him off by giving him a taste of his own medicine, like, "You're not my type, sweetheart."
2006-09-19 22:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to report these incidents to begin the documentation process. What you are describing is sexual harassment. However, if you don't report these incidents, nothing can be done. Harassment must have a pattern, be a continuing problem. You can't just wait until your fed up. You need to report each incident so that this pattern becomes clear. Most companies have no tolerance for this kind of behavior and those that do get slapped with law suits.
And the answer to this one is easy. Even if you're not gay. ;-)
2006-09-19 22:57:41 · answer #2 · answered by Magic One 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have a Gay co-worker there that is Homophobic..... and yes that is posible... Gay people can be Homophobic, Especialy when they first come out of the closet or if they are trying to stay in the closet and think they are fooling someone. Your best bet is to tell your bosses...
What you are experiencing is called SEXUAL HARRASSMENT and in this day and age it is ILLEGAL! something should be done about it he may not loose his job but he needs to be reprimanded and be told that his behavior is unnaceptable.. I would start out by telling him you dont feel comfortable with the way he acts with you, and the wa he "manhandles" you... (this is the way women have been feeling for years with some men in upper management a whole different story for another day) Let him know that you will not stand for him to treat you in this manner any longer and if it persists that you will be talking to your bosses about it...
Also you need to start keeping what is called an "instance" journal.
it is a journal that has dates and times and tells when and where each instance (in detail) happend.
so that when you go to your bosses to talk to them about it. you have everything written down...
and you can hand it to them... and you dont fumble with your words, because you are nervous..
2006-09-20 01:04:11 · answer #3 · answered by RiahWillow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, allow me a little self-disclosure. I am gay and have spent 23 years in management, I have degrees in psychology. So, I offer this based on my experiences in crisis management. According to Federal law, you must first state plainly for the gentleman that you want his behavior to stop.
According to company attorneys the following is a good, non insulting statement to use, "I'm not comfortable with your behavior (state what is happening) and would appreciate it if you would stop."
I have found that it is imperative on this occasion that you have a witness that is on your side in this matter. The courts have ruled that if we go along with a prank, a joke or certain behaviors that we have indicated by our failure to address the issue that we have implied that we are not offended by the individual's behavior. This is true whether the issue is racial, sexual, or otherwise in many cases.
As to his thinking you gay and pestering you. It sounds like he is projecting his needs onto you. This is common behavior in an emotional confused and / or troubled and / or immature individual. It sounds like the man is and perhaps always has been attracted to you. The moment he touched you he indicted that he is willing, ready and more that likely preparing to take the issue further depending on whether you stop it at this point or not. This is assault, and could even be the precursor to violent attacks and even rape. On the other hand he could be a very nice and very hurting individual in search of friends and not know how to be honest with them. You could try a private consersation in a public place with him first. But even that could be made to look like consent in court. Either way it's not your resposibility to "fix" his emotional and mental situation.
"Play-fighting" is a basic method of children and immature adults in having reason to make contact with and have interaction with someone they precieve as "untouchable." So called "normal" people (often times repressed and angry) frequently use their so- called disapproval of someone as an excuse to bring them into contact with the individual or group they otherwise would themselves be critized for associating with.
Whatever you do make sure that the man knows you do not like the situation in the presence of witnesses without being insulting or trying to embrass him and do not waste anymore time reporting this to HR.
2006-09-20 02:17:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, simply put, you're being sexually harassed. Sadly your options are limited to reporting the offencive action or dealing with it in a more direct manner, take him out back and beat his A.$.$. Seriously though, if this is a continuing issue you do need to inform your superior at work and if that is not sufficient then perhaps you need to take it to a legal authority. You have the right to work without being harassed.
2006-09-20 02:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not gay but this is bullying and harassment in the work place. This man has no right to subject you to this. Go and talk to your manager. I know this is easier said than done but you need to stand up to this bully. He's lucky you are not the type to punch him out for his actions. Don't let this keep on happening. This is somebody who is so pissed off with their own life that they have to intimidate somebody else.
Where are you located and I'll come and sort the fucker out.
2006-09-20 03:52:42 · answer #6 · answered by Tabbyfur aka patchy puss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Chris says, this man is gay, but basically I think he's a pervert.Tell the boss witnesses or no You need to put a stop to this disgusting behaviour
2006-09-20 03:10:30 · answer #7 · answered by Croeso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both making fun of gays as well as touching are Unwanted sexual attention, that is harassment. Report it to your supervisor. If they don't do anything Go to your Company's HR department. By Law they must investigate and take action.
2006-09-19 23:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually when a guy makes fun of gays his only problem is that he's gay himself, and whatever you preferences what he is doing to you is sexual harassment and should be reported as such.
You don't need a witness and one session with HR should be enough to sort him out.
Even the just threat of this could do the trick
2006-09-19 22:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
file a sexual harrassment claim. Trying to get a witness is good, however as you say he's busy and can only be there sometimes, go to your boss, and your boss should get him to stop. If he continues, file another claim, and if nothing happens, sue, or go higher up the food chain to your boss' boss. Good luck, buddy. I hope it all works out.
2006-09-20 12:03:27 · answer #10 · answered by i_am_nathan_2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id tell him to grow up or simply ignore him but if its more then words then u need to tell someone as thats not right .......... as for ur boss first tell him the situation if he dont give a damm id tell him that there are laws which state if he doesnt do nothing he can get in trouble.
2006-09-20 10:49:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋