what to do with my irresponsible husband?

Question

i exerted so much effort to change him but nothing happens. i am married with him for more than 20 yrs. am i a martyr wife. what to do next pls help. he doesnt want divorse

Answer 1

All the gents are like that, irresponsible until someone keeps reponsiblity. You have greed in keeping the responsibilities of house, money etc you might be a Indian pair, I think so.

Answer 2

I think that your 20 years of effort proves quite clearly that people don't change. You have chosen to remain married to him for 20 years, and you have chosen to be a 'martyr' wife. Clearly your options are one of two. You can either remain married to him and accept that things are never going to change, or you can leave him and try and start over.

I find it amazing that after all the discussion about your feelings you end the question with the statement that HE doesn't want a divorce. Why the hell is this still about what HE wants? Isn't this about what you want? Or maybe you just like being a doormat.

Answer 3

dear suri
20 yrs is not a short span at all n if u've tried to change him all this while then i really gota appreciate u!
i am not married but i wud like to help u.....if he loves u then he will surely change but y dont u look at ur prob. from d other side ie ur hubby's side, try to find out u he is that way, may b there's sumthin in life that he wants(which he dint get 4 a long time) but i strongly feel taht he 2 loves u since he is still with u even after 20yrs......nyways all d best n tc

Answer 4

Hey join the club baby! these men cannot be change but we can change ourselves. Retaliate is the only solution. I dun mean in a bad way...and never think divorce. Dont take the short cut out! work this thing out. You are married for 20 yrs sure you know his weak point. Work on that! don be too submissive we can accomodate but not submit totally!

Answer 5

You can not change a person to something you want. You married him for what he was. You might be able to change some habits but you can not change who he is.

20 years married and you have been trying to change him. Did you ever think of trying to find a middle for you both. That would mean you have to change to. Oh forgot he is the one that needs to change.

Did you get my point?

Answer 6

Why are u trying to change him? U can't change anyone unless they want to change for themselves. Instead, communicate with him in a way that u won't get on his defensive side and attempt to make him see where you're coming from. If u try to change him, he will only resent u for it and instead of doing that, why don't u find a way to work around the problems yourself and come up with a compromise.

Answer 7

i think time is late to correct ur husband.
he must understand the situation and become responsible.
he knows that you wil do everythng even if he is irresponsible.
He must come across a sitaution where shud not get any help.
he must struggle a lot, then he wil learn a lesson.
you also act as irresponsible person for him
then he will feel it.

take care all the best.

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Answer 8

first mistake was 20 yrs ago, never marry someone to change them. either they are what they are or not.
Look up a co-dependent organization talk with them. Either you accept what he is or get out. Sympathy can be found in the dictionary between **** and syphilis

Answer 9

for more then 20 yrs you have given in to him and now you want him to change? it not going to happen,he is set in his ways now and you will haft to live with the way he is,this is not good for you but you did this to your self by being his slave to him.
i know how you feel,mine is just like that,now I'm doing for my self only and he is starting to see that he make the mistake of sitting around and having me to wait on him hand and foot,
i just stopped doing for him so much and this is starting to get to him.
maybe you can try this to,and stop being his slave.

Answer 10

Try imitating his behaviour for a while.You will know it ws ur martyrism that made him more irresponsible.