Married for 8 months and 4 days after we got married he left for Iraq. Argue constantly. No communication at all. We love each other so much. Do we need counseling or something.
2006-09-19 21:28:47 · 21 answers · asked by chakaree 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are still fresh in your marriage. This seperation is stressful and has taken you through worries. He is also worried about you. I suggest that you wait till he comes home. You are his life line that connects you to him to let him know that you are there for him. No matter what you are going through you are his lifeline to home. His home. You are his wife the one he planned to be with all his life and yours. Let him know that you are there for him. Forget about argueing and think of the better times because that gives him hope and the will to succeed and come home to you.
You miss him too. This is normal to feel this way when he is on the other side of the world. A lot of military soldiers worry about what their spouces are doing and if they will remain faithful to them. There are several reasons that may cause this seperation to happen. Jealiousy, finances, unfaithfullness, to say the least. It is hard to remain in contact especially with him so far away. When he returns, he will have to adjust to the way you have been handeling everything. He will have to adjust and so will you.
When he returns he will be anxious and happy to see you but you need to remember that he to went through a lot and gone through a lot when he was there. Counceling will need to take place to re-esablish your relationship. Both of you have to adjust to each other and start a new relationship with each other all over again.
Communication is very important in a marriage as well as trust and understanding. Patience is a virtue right now and you will have to be strong and perservere. I can only encourage you to be patient and your love for him will grow stronger.
I say this because my husband has also been deployed and I know it is hard with him gone. When my husband was home I was used to him doing most of the repairs and taking care of our finances. Now that he is away, I have to do all the things he did.
I have remained in contact with the Family Readiness Group and they are there to help me. I call them or they call me to see how I am doing or if I need anything for my home or my children. They listen to me when I just want to talk and release my hard feeling of my husband being gone. Get with your local F.R.G. and they can assist you and direct you. I am sure that in Iraq they have help for the soldiers there to help them get through what they are going through.
When my husband calls and he has had a very stressfull day and he just wants to hear my voice because I am there for him and I tell him that i love him and miss him and that I am still waiting for him.
So my heart goes out to you and all the other ladies as well as men that have a loved one out there going through similar circumstances.
Keep him in your prayers that he will come home safely unharmed and intact.
God be with you and keep your chin up. Things will work out with time and patience. Don't give up hope and don't let your faith fail. He needs you now more then ever. You are his drive to live. Be strong for him and cherish every moment you can with him on the phone. Don't argue with him. Give him inspiration and encouragement when you talk to him. He may even want you to just listen to him for he may have alot of stress built up in him that he just wants to purge his feelings and frustrations.Don't let him worry over the little things that you can handle because he has a whole lot to concentrate on there where he.
Peace be with you and I pray that you will get through this.
2006-09-19 22:27:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got back from Iraq and my wife and i argued a lot. First thing the two of you need to do is ask yourselves is what your arguing about that important. If so hang up and call back in 20 min if its still a big deal discuss it not argue. Now if either one of you is doing something that the opposite does not approve of then stop your only making things worst. Each of you are stressed but don't do things that pisses off the opposite. My wife was always going out getting drunk and partying and we have a 1 year old child. She knew I didn't approve of this behavior. In the end I found out she was cheating She left me the day before I came home don't let your relationship get this bad.
I wouldn't hurt if you got counseling for yourself just to help you cope with him being gone
Get counseling when he gets home it will help!!
Army One source is a good place to start and its free
2006-09-20 02:13:02 · answer #2 · answered by wusabi12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before you end it, counseling is a good idea, but you can't do that until he gets back. Have to wonder why your arguing when you've only been married 8 months. Deployment is always hard on family's. If you love each other, then work at talking to each other. No arguing allowed. Start making plans for when he returns. I'd be sending him care packages to show your love. Things are not going to be easy, but don't let this war beat you.
2006-09-20 01:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try talking with some of the other wives in the FRG. You can also talk to a chaplain and most posts, bases whatever branch you are offer some type of marriage and seperation classes. Your husband should have access to the same type of support systems. But depending on what his job is and where he is he may not have the opportunity to untilize these facilities. No matter what you will both have to learn to be very patient with each other. And if you really do love each other you may be able to stick it out until the end of his deployment and then go get counseling. Remember though once he gets back even if things seem OK you will probably want to go ahead and get some type of support because if he delploys again you will most likely have similar problems.
2006-09-19 21:35:43 · answer #4 · answered by girlinlove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait till he comes back and after you get a chance to have your honeymoon. He is going through a lot over there and I am sure he is missing you as much as you miss him. But you really should try and enjoy the conversation you get with him when he is able to call. Think about it and what he is going through over there you never know what is going to happen if they will make it to the next day or not don't waste the time you do get argueing over stuff that probably is not worth argueing over. It is hard being alone while hubby is gone and lots of women r going through what u r going through however spouses r suppose to support each other and be there for one another if your mad at him for leaving don't be he was inlisted when you married him and you knew it. Think about what your really argueing about is it really worth it? God forbit I say this but is it worth taking a chance wasting your calls on argueing and never knowing if it is your last phone call toegther? Start loving and saying supportive things don't give him the stress of having to worry about things at home while he is there. My brother lost his dog (very close) had no kids was his kid to him. While he was over there and my sister in law took care of it and did not tell him till he came home cause he did not need to be unfocused while he was there. So I would just have to say again you never know if it is gonna be a last phone call so treat it like it is I don't think you could deal with having a arguement and then having a visit from the military chaplin. Good luck and God Bless and enjoy the honeymoon when he comes home.
2006-09-19 23:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a military wife myself, I know how hard these types of marriages can get. He's under a lot of stress and so are u and communication can break down during these times. Most likely u are still adjusting to this kind of lifestyle and it can take a while but remember that u knew this is his job and u chose to marry him. Don't make such rash decisions and at least stick with it until he gets back and work from there and u might want to speak to him about counseling then.
2006-09-19 21:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that when he returns he will need counseling as well as the both of you go to couples counseling but hes in a very stressful situation and even on a good day I could not imagine being in his shoes maybe thats what you should do try being in his shoes and then maybe you will feel differently also he probably cannot talk to you very often this deployment is just as stressful to him as it is for you Im sure the seperations gotten to you as well as your Husband have you tried meeting any new people in your area meaning military wives also maybe you should go to family services and above all look for a web site on the internet there are alot of women in the same boat youre in and they will support you and help you through the rough times one of my favorites is NavyWives.com try it and like I said remember you are not alone.Wish you and your husband well
2006-09-19 21:37:40 · answer #7 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Military life is not easy. Please wait until he returns and you will find that you still love each. I think it is hard because you only got to have 4 days together before he left. You decide to stop fighting with him while he is deployed. Only talk about pleasant things and don't let him know how hard it is for you. There should be a support group for you through the military seek it out and talk with other wives. Good luck to you and thank your husband for serving.
2006-09-19 23:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well - you may end up as a statistic - the divorce rate is pretty high in couples where one is military.
At least have the common courtesy to not make him worry while he's there. He's got a mission to perform and you don't want his head all filled up with crap from home, because he can't be thinking about all the home stuff while he is in sector.
don't distract him from his mission - distractions are what get soldiers killed. no question about it.
wait until he gets back to confront him, no matter how you feel about the relationship.
I know
I have been there - Iraq, Bosnia and Kosovo - all while I was married.
don't rush it until he gets settled back in either because you don't want him to go splatter his brains on your kitchen walls right away. wait 2 or 3 months
I know that this stuff happened too.
Been there - done that - refused to buy the t-shirt
2006-09-19 21:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by Perry N 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well understand the kind of stress he is under try to keep the arfuing and fighting out and just concentrate on how much you miss him cuz as you know there is no guarantee he will make it back to you for anything so just show you appreciate him but yes if arguing continues afther he gets home for a prolong length of time then seek counseling
2006-09-20 04:11:20 · answer #10 · answered by OFFICER CAMPBELL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is in Iraq and you argue with him over the phone. Are you an A S S H O L E?
His life is on the line daily and he could end up dead. Do you want to remember your last fight forever and ever.
When you to talk. Talk about love and you future together and stay away from fighting. If you do love him talk to him with love and affection and stop the bull SH--! fighting.
2006-09-19 21:45:00 · answer #11 · answered by Mit 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋