I am not able to drive right now because of my seizures so, we end up missing alot of school events. The reason is not only because I'm not able to drive it is also because my husband doesn't get home in enough time. Some times he doesn't get home because of work, but alot of the times it is because he is doing things with his friends or cousin. Yet, I am the one who gets blamed. The kids get ma dat me and call me a worthless mother and say I don't try hard enough. Then me and my husband wined up arguing. I am tired of being blamed for these things. I have no control over them. What can I do? Why do I get blamed?
2006-09-19 18:11:34 · 23 answers · asked by no.#1 Mom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know exactly what your going thru. I get sick of always being blamed for everything!! We are with them all the time, I just respond to them with, Your just mad at yourself and it's easier for you to blame me than to admit you might have done something wrong yourself!! I just think that's what kids do. Don't worry about it. They do grow out of it. Hang in there.
2006-09-19 18:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by Kathy C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So the Kids are blaming you....They are only blaming you because you are letting daddy run all over you....The kids have an idea that daddy is the problem, but you get blamed for not standing up for whats right for the kids...The kids don't understand the dangers of seizures. Maybe next time when there is a school event get a ride from someone else or just catch a cab. Your babies need you to step up to the plate and be the mom that they are craving for....If you are not going to leave your husband, then stop complaining about him and take care of your babies...Your babies need you the most!! The more you argue with him; the more he is going to continue to do his own thing....Think about your kids...They just want to make you a proud momma!!!
2006-09-20 01:48:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anastacia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a mom or dad that would take you and the children to the school events? Perhaps, you have a friend who would take you or maybe even use a cab. Dad should take some responsibility too, so why not try to plan in advance and tell him what time he needs to be home for these events. Tell the children to ask Dad to come too. Now, if your husband is selfish, then I'd go back to the plan of planning ahead for a ride to the events. You may not make them all, but you could make some and your kids would know you really care about it. If you husband doesn't go, you'll have to go without him.
2006-09-20 01:19:19 · answer #3 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are being treated badly due your health issues then your family is ABUSING YOU. On top of that their treatment of you could make you sicker (have more seizures).Try to talk to the teacher or coach and get hooked up with other parents that might give you a lift to some of these events. Also, tell your Doctor or a public health nurse that you are not getting enough support at home and that you need to arrange a trip to a psych ward for your kids so they can see first hand what a (socially) worthless person really looks like!
2006-09-20 01:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by island girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time to pull the slack back on your husband and your kids. First of all, I don't think that's a good enough excuse for your husband to not be able to drive everyone where they need to go. and there's always some time after all that to hang out with his friends or cousin. Second, your kids get aways with talking like that to you??? That needs to stop, because they are your kids, not the other way around. Sounds like instead of asking why you're being blamed, you just need to start being mean back.
2006-09-20 01:16:24 · answer #5 · answered by t.larae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the misfortune of being in a very selfish family.
Tell your husband you want him home so he can drive and that his children should come first. If this fails then try making arrangements with friends, family or neighbors to have them transport the kids. Remember to offer money to comensate for the gas they used to do it. If that does not work get a cab and take it out of the kids' allowance as a means to punish your kids for the disrespect(or you could just simply ground them).
Good Luck.
2006-09-20 01:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by travis_a_duncan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why are you letting your kids talk to you like that? Thats total disrespect and if it were me those kids would learn some respect or I'd start packing their stuff. I would not put up with that for one second. Why don't you have any control over your children? Is it that they are too big to be spanked well then there are other ways to disipline them. You are the parent and they need to realize its not ok to treat mom this way. Does your husband back you at all? I'd tell all of them if they didn't shape up they can move. You'd have a lot more peace of mind thats for sure. Good Luck
2006-09-20 01:25:46 · answer #7 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yah, my daughter has epilepsy (I assume that is what your seizures are.)
I would:
1. Tell everyone that you are not to blame for the seizures (I assume you are taking meds to control as best as possible?) This is the law, and there is nothing you can do about it. So they should get used to the idea.
2. Tell them that it is their responsibility to get rides to activities. Unless your kids are too young to take the bus. Familiarize yourself with bus schedules. Dunno if buses are convenient where you live.
3. If they are too young, to help them in this, you could be proactive and set up a schedule for your kids activities. First get with your husband to see what he can do. Get with the other parents that shuttle their kids to the activities they go to. If you cannot contact them direct, then put pressure on the coaches or drama teachers or whoever the people are who conduct the events. Take the position that you are handicapped and cannot drive, but your son/daughter really loves what they do (butter them up a bit). Then say that you are unable to drive and can they get with the other parents to plead your case to them. Esp. if your son/daughter has a close friend in the activity - those parents would be the most likely to help out since their kids would put nag pressure on them (like yours do you, eh? ;-) The activity organizers should help out.
4. Grandparents or retired neighbors also might help out. Make some overtures there. Start baking cookies for or otherwise helping out the retired neighbors who might help out. Then plead your case.
5. Contact local churches or volunteer groups. They might not be able to help, but they might be able to network you to someone who can. After all, this is not asking for 24/7 comittment.
6. Check with your seizure doctor on support groups in the area for you. I am sure there are bunches of people with your problems (like my daughter). They also might have support services like drivers (dunno if this would be open to your kids).
7. Are bicycles an option?
Tried to provide a more practical approach. Hope it helps.
2006-09-20 01:39:05 · answer #8 · answered by Wheatman007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, for your sake, get some anti-seizure medication. Mine keep me from driving, but there are a number on the market.
Second, keep doing your emotional work. You are right on the target. This is a family / marriage problem. Get some counseling for your and your husband.
Third, Do some negotiating: dear/dad - will you drive 3 nights a week?
Fourth, are you compromising your position by driving to the beauty salan/grocery store/church/friends?
2006-09-20 01:25:01 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids need to learn to respect you,It is never OK for them to call you names.But the reason you are getting the blame is because you are the one that is there.and they know they can get away with it.You need to explain to them that if you were able to drive you would,and let them know that you are having very serious problems with your health,and if you drive you can have a seizures and wreck and kill all of you.Your husband needs to talk to them to and try to get home to help out with things,If he can't maybe you can talk to a family member or another parent to see if they can take your kids to these events.If not at least you can say you tried,and your kids will just have to deal with it,Don't take it to heart what your kids say,The people we love the most always are the ones who hurt us the most.Just remember they are kids.
2006-09-20 01:27:04 · answer #10 · answered by mytifine_01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because they are not old enough to see . its hard for them to know other mothers can drive and you can't so its your fault . kids are insensitive at this age and if life gets hard they blame it on what they think is the cause. you. but you are being wise what if you got a seizure and killed them? you are doing the hard thing but yet the right thing no matter what we protect our kids . your husband isn't tell him his kids are going to grow up and know their dad didn't care cause one day they will see the light
2006-09-20 01:19:10 · answer #11 · answered by terri e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋