Hello I am an Asian student at a pretty prestigious university. The reason I chose to attend the school was because many surveys say people at my school are very open-minded and friendly. However, what I envisioned has been shattered; most Caucasian people here don't even care about me and seem to refuse to talk to me. I really want to blend in. I would like to get some constructive advice.
2006-09-19 18:00:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Sociology
Before anything, never stop being yourself. If people accept you the way you are, then they are open-minded. Remember the real reason you went to that school...I'm sure you want to be successful in your future career. Therefore, keep focused on your studies and before you even know it you'll have new friends. When you keep looking, things will hide away....so, just keep looking the other way and friends will come to you.
2006-09-19 18:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by ***** 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to doubt what you say because its entirely possible that what you perceive is how things really are, but I find it hard to believe that people at the school wouldn't want to talk to you because you're Asian. Maybe it has happened that the people in your classes happen to be jerks, and maybe you need to meet people in activities other than classes.
If you think about it, in a class you're sitting with a few people close by and the rest of the class too far and too many people away to really do much talking. Because its a prestigious university there's a good chance the people right around you in class are taking their studies very seriously and not "in the market" to be talking.
I probably have no right to make this guess because I'm not Asian, but I can't help but guess that in the United States, with all the different ethnicities, you probably already blend in - and just don't feel like you do.
If you haven't already done this maybe sign up for some extra activities where you'd meet people outside of the class setting. If you live in the dorm, and its roommates that don't seem to bother with you try to strike up a little friendly conversation with people outside your dorm. If you're in the laundry area make a remark about the laundry. If you're waiting for your laundry to be done and someone else is there ask them how long they've gone to the school and if they have any tips to help you get to know how things work better (even if you already know this stuff ask anyway; its a good way to get a conversation going).
If this is your first year it isn't any surprise that you don't feel like you fit in yet. Its only been a short time. It takes a little while for people to meet new friends and work into feeling as if they belong. There are other students there (and they very well may be caucasian) who feel just the same way you do, only they feel as if there problem is something about them other than their race.
It is possible that you are having a cultural-difference issue because your remark "..people here don't even care about me" creates the impression that you may be expecting a little more from the other students than students give to anyone. College students aren't known for caring much about other people. They more just see everyone as "on their own" and aren't trying to think if anyone who is new needs some kind of assistance. All freshman are new. They're all in the same boat.
I think there's the chance that you could be a little more sensitive about what is going on than many American students would be. I don't mean, at all, to "blame the victim". Its just that based on what I know about Americans (especially students) I find it hard to believe that they would refuse to talk to you because you're Asian. One of the "biggest cheeses" in my daughter's high school was an Asian boy. I wasn't even an issue anyone ever thought about.
If you're very quiet people may believe that you're uncomfortable talking with them. You may come across as shy, and college students aren't going to try to make the effort to "bring you out". Again, they figure you're on your own. Some may even believe that "shy" equals "unfriendly".
If you're really feeling bad about what you believe seems to be going on talk to an advisor, school counselor, or someone else at the school. They may be able to talk with you in person, get a reading on whether you may be coming across as unfriendly, get a feel for exactly what type of treatment you think you're getting and whether you're perceiving things the way they really are. They may even be able to give you some direction on things to sign up for that would help you make friends and be involved in some activity as part of a group.
You could also see if there's another Asian student there and contact him/her. Tell him/her that you're new and seem to be having some issues, and ask if you could get together to see if that person had any constructive advice for you.
Try to forget that so many people around you are caucasian. Whatever they do or don't do it is most likely not at all related to their being caucasian. Honest. And there's a good chance that if you are putting them off in some way it may have nothing to do with the fact that you're Asian.
Your problem isn't one that anyone connected with the administration would see as a silly one. The administration wants you to be happy at the school. Talk to someone (or a couple of people) soon because the longer you feel as you do, the less likely you will be to get comfortable being there.
Good luck. Give it time. In our diverse society, I suspect you already "blend in". What you want, though, is to feel as if you "fit in". There's a difference.
2006-09-20 01:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maximize your exposure. join clubs and organizations that interest you, but most importantly don't lose touch with who you are. the great thing about university life is the diversity (usually) get involved with school government and various activities and you'll soon find friends that will accept you for who you are. Enjoy your college experience, I enjoyed mine!
2006-09-20 01:12:31 · answer #3 · answered by funwithfondu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice for you is to just be yourself!!!! Don't change who you are just to fit in. Never sacrifice yourself for someone else!!! You still won't be happy b/c they are befriending someone that truly don't exist!!! Just be you and be proud to be you. Confidense really seems to attract people!!! Good luck!
2006-09-20 01:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by Ange 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may I defer this question; until I consult the right source: being my neice that now lives in Swissstrland as oppposed to Russia/ She now has a baby and I won't bother her with this.
2006-09-20 01:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by BONNIE B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
join a club. ask people about themselves. people love to talk about their opinions. don't hold it against people if they seem distant. They are probably having a bad day. good luck
2006-09-20 01:12:03 · answer #6 · answered by slippped 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join some groups - environmental issues or whatever.
2006-09-20 01:08:08 · answer #7 · answered by Catspaw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be outgoing, not insular. even if you really aren't, try pretending you're extroverted- comment on whatever comes to mind, what do you have to lose?
2006-09-20 02:40:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be yourself
2006-09-20 02:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by BeachBum 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't please everyone. Don't keep to yourself.
2006-09-20 02:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Laura M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋