Why can't more divorced women be like this?

Question

I know a lady who caught her husband having an affair. They are divorced and have a child together. They have a wonderful custody agreement. He has is daughter at least two nights a week if not more and every other weekend. She is not taking out his cheating or their bad marriage out on their child. There are so many fathers who would love to have arrangements like this but the mothers block it being petty why

Answer 1

A lot of women are ( unfortunately) not like that. Basically I think that they feel angry and betrayed and want to 'get back' at their ex-husband. They ( wrongly) feel that the only way they can get revenge is through the child. This is totally wrong as the child will usually not understand what is going on and, very often, will feel that he/she is to blame for the breakup of the marriage.

If someone really wants revenge, which is a useless, destructive thing to want anyway, they should seek a way to get it without involving the child.

A wise man once said: 'The best revenge you can get is to live well.'

Answer 2

Sounds like this lady wanted out of the marriage herself and was relieved to have a reason. I
am sure there are plenty of Fathers out there that would love to be self serving, morally degenerate idiots and not have any repercussions for their actions.
How dare there ex's be a little "petty" just cause they cheated, shame on them.
I am also sure there are plenty of wives out there that would love for their husbands to keep it in his pants!
You really shouldn't judge anyone till you walk a mile in there shoes.
Most Moms want whatever is best for their children in the long run, they may at first be a little ugly about things because they feel hurt and betrayed but they are not all trying to put there kids in the middle.
Keep in mind if the husband didn't cheat you wouldn't even have to ask questions like that.
What about the men that have spent little or no time with there children prior to the breakup but then all of a sudden they are so important to them they try to fight the mom over them, that's pretty petty.

Answer 3

I would like to have this peaceful arrangements but it is the father of my children who makes it so difficult to give me the divorce. Though he is the one who cheated on me, not once but on a number of times, I am willing to let him go and lead the life he wants to. However, he is using the kids to hold on to the marriage and I find this to be unfair to the kids as well. The kids and him are blood related and can never be divorced, unlike me and him. So, I dont really understand why this man block the path of having a "wonderful custody agreement" too.

So, to conclude, it is not about divorced women. Divorced men could be the problem too.

Answer 4

Well, I can honestly say I am one of these women. I have four kids. (2 boys with my ex husband, 1 step son with my current husband and 1 girl with my husband)

My two boys live with their dad. We both decided on this. They have more opportunities educationally living with him. Plus they need their dad. They are growing up, and need to learn guy things and bond with their dad. I still have full custody of them, but he has primary physical custody of them.We share every other weekend, every other holiday, I get every vacation break, and every summer break. ( I would have them more often, but we live 3 hours apart from each other. Thank goodness we meet halfway!!!LOL) I understand they play sports and may not always get them on my appointed days, but that is part of them growing up. I need to do what is best for them, and sometimes that means setting aside my selfish wants and letting them lead as normal of a life as possible.
Their dad and I decided a long time ago that whatever broke down between us was between us. It should not affect our children. It is much easier on all involved if we just let by gone's be by gone's and get along. Matter of fact, we just had a combined birthday party for my oldest son over the summer. My husband and I paid half, and my ex and his wife paid the other half. Both of our families were present at the celebration. What better gift to give our child then to show him that just because we can't live together doesn't mean that we can't get along and respect each other and each others family??

If more people would do this, it would make life soooo much easier on their children. It creates stability and security in children which is something they desperately need.

Oh and by the way, neither one of us pay child support. We share the bills 50/50.

Answer 5

Isn't cheating petty in the first place? By allowing free access to the child, how do you expect the mother to explain why she is separated from the father? Do you expect her to justify his cheating?
Well the question seems to ignore the emotional trauma the mother has undergone on account of the cheating by the father.

Answer 6

Because fighting around the child could be harmful to all especially the child.Like fighting over who gets the kid and when I think more people should be like I think that would stop the suicide rate alot.Less fighting more happiness with all in the long run.

Answer 7

Divorced women always pity their husbands !

imagine his fate after few more wives and few more affairs. he may not have sufficient days in a week to allocate to each of the divorced wives and the child he got from them.

Answer 8

I also caught my exhusband cheating on me with my sister, but dispite the fact that he and she hurt me in the most horribleist way I try my hardest to let him see my kids as much as possible. I told him that he was more than welcome to have them anytime that he wanted all he had to do was call me up and he could have them as long as I didnt have any plans with them. This has been over a year ago and to this date he still dont take me up on that offer all though he does get them on his scheduled visits only b/c i call him to remind him that he needs to see his children. I know that my children love thier father they didnt choose their parents we chose each other and we have to deal with it for the kids sake.

Answer 9

Women do that trying to hurt the kids father but they don't realize that the child is hurting from this childish behavior also

Answer 10

i belive it's because they consider the child and herself as a package deal. The only reason i'm still married is because of my daughter and son, so realise that divorce should be the last solution!