i dont trust him?

Question

well my husband has two girls that he was talking to in the past(in between the times we broke up when we were just dating) and i have a problem with the fact that he wants to hang out with them by himself. i am very confused because i love him very much yet i dont trust him at all. i dont know what to do. because he doesnt know that i read his emails and i see how he talks to them(they are in another state) and he shows me this loving, trusting side but yet he has this other "player"side to him that i am to scared to confront him about. how do i get the courage to finally say something. am i stupid for staying in this relationship?

Answer 1

The first time a significant other cheats is usually a good time to head for the exit, but while it takes a lot of healing and rebuilding of trust, there are relationships that are capable of surviving infidelity. A second indiscretion, however, leaves no grey area. Even if it were never to happen again, you’re either committing yourself to a sentence of distrust and suspicion or compromising a substantial level of your self-respect by staying with him. If you know he’s strayed again—even if it was only a kiss, even if he’s truly, completely and excruciatingly sorry—it’s over. And if it’s you whose attention has wandered, it’s time to admit that this isn’t working for you. When you cheat on a loved one you cheat yourself of a partnership that is whole and honest; you’re better off looking for someone who can hold all of your attention.

Answer 2

I know what you mean, It's so hard for that distrusting feeling to go away, I've got it too! I think just sit down, have a chat to him, & explain that these girls make you feel uneasy, & maybe if you knew them too it would be different.

You could say you saw an email, you came across it, you stumbled upon it, if possible, not that you were snooping because he may get mad.

If you're in a relationship with someone you should be able to talk to him about anything, especially something that makes you fell so uneasy, you have every right to say how you feel... has he done something in the past to break your trust? If so I really have found it's very very hard to rebuild trust... I also think that you gut instinct says alot, whether it may be that he's seeing on of these girls intimately, although they are in another state, the fact that he's talking to them in a certain flirty way isn't nice, tell him it's not good enough! I think if things don't change soon, don't put yourself through the stress...

Answer 3

I have been in your shoes, It sucks. I loved my fiance and I know that he loved me too. We used to hang out with our friends together and then something changed , he started going out and not wanting me there,he started deleting the caller id as soon as we got home before I could see tham. When his cell phone would ring he would leave the room saying that the service sucked, than when a friend would call he would stay in the room and his reception was fine. I also snuck into his email and saw that he was talking to another girl from alabama which is Very far away so even though I never liked what I saw I figured why get in a fight when she is not really a threat cause of where she lives. i would check his cell phone bill or his call log and see who he was calling. In the end, we broke up. he blammed it on my insecurity - but guess where he lives now>Alabama with the girl. maybe some things were my fault. i am not perfect. But I should have noticed my own red flags when I had to start snooping around to find out things. Problems with our relationship start when he started giving me reason to be suspecious, then when I started invading his privacy to find out what he wouldnt tell me. Watch for the warning signs and remember, you can love someone forever that doesnt mean you belong together. best of luck.

Answer 4

This is a really tough situation! I know exactly how you feel I've been there. But you know what there is sooo much better for you out there. Obviously he hasn't been trustworthy if you feel the need to read his emails. There is no excuse for what he is doing. What I did was tried to see the situation if it was my best friend or my sister. What would you tell another person to do if they were assking you this. I found the courage to file for divorce and I honestly belive thats what you need to do. It will be a big wake up call to him and you WILL find somebody who can treat you the way you need to be treated. Every woman needs to be loved with somebody's whole heart. Not just a portion. Good Luck.

Answer 5

No, you're not stupid, just hopeful that he will continue being the nice guy you want him to be. Frankly, if he appears to you to be decent and wonderful and is playing the field, he's disrespecting you and the sanctity of your marraige. The fact that he wants to be alone with these women without you around is so that he can get away with behaviour which you would otherwise keep him in check for. From personal experience, he's not worth the heartache. Leave him. Let him go to these other women and find yourself a man who will want to be with you always and want you with him when he goes places. You could try talking to hubby about how you feel but I bet he'll tell you you're paranoid or possessive or just jealous but that's the guilt trip he's laying on you so that you will let him do what he wants. Why do you want to continue a realtionship with someone you can't trust?

Answer 6

You can't really tell him that you won't stand for it, unless you will stick by your words. If you hear a voice inside telling you that something isn't right, most likely, it's not. There is nothing worse then being with someone who you believe is lying to you, this I know from experience. What happens is somehow you start to think you are crazy, or that you are very insecure. I suggest you get the courage up to confront him, tell him he left his email open and you read it. Good Luck and Keep Your Chin Up.

Answer 7

well you really just need to confront him bc if you do not trust him then you can not have a real relationship with him. Ask him why does he always need to be alone with the girls and ask him why he is hanging out with them they should be left in the past not in the present but if they were just friends then Ask him why you can not hang out with them while he is. that is fishy to me that you can not hang out with them too. That seems if he wants to hang out with them alone then maybe something might be up too. SO i would just BREATHE REAL DEEP and just confront him because you really need to do that, because if you do not then your marriage can be ruined by you not confronting him because the not trusting him is not a good thing to have in your marriage so you need to get your feeling out so you can do what you have to do. TRUST has to be there for a relationship to work.

well good luck i hope this helps you.

Answer 8

You have reason not to trust this guy. Why don't you make copies of the letters he's sent to the girls and tape them on the wall in the bathroom so he sees them first thing in the AM. then let him explain. I think you are wasting your time with this bum. He can stop the games or you can kick him to the curb for good. Godloveya.

Answer 9

Girl if you don't speak up for the respect you want then you deserve to be treated like a door mat . You don't have the courage? Maybe that's why he is talking to his past because you are just to easy

Answer 10

Without telling him how you know, tell him it's been brought to your attention that he talks to other girls and is planning on meeting them. Tell him if he's stupid enough to carry out this plan, he will be in for one hell of a surprise as to what you will do. If he denies this, tell him to save the excuses, you do not have "stupid" written across your forehead. He needs to remember, he was warned and you only give out one warning. If he does continue with this, divorce this cheater.