Why is it that in many cases people fall in love for years and then after marriage they hate each other?

Question

Where had they gone wrong?

Answer 1

My personal opinion. In the hustle and bustle of married life, they forgot what they love about each other. They forget what brought them together in the first place. They put other things before their marriage to each other.

Think about it. People are in love, so happy. They get married, have careers, kids, outside family, friends, hobbies. They lose touch with each other in the midst of all these things. They have grown apart over the years instead of growing together.

Then, they retire, kids grow up and move away, outside family members pass away, friends grow older with them and now have their own problems, and they get too old for some of their old hobbies. What is left???? Just the two of them and they have become strangers to each other all over again. But in the process of becoming strangers, they have picked up new little habits here and there that the other was unaware of because they have been too wrapped up themselves. Thus, they start to hate each other because they aren't the same when they got married.

This is why it is very very important to always have spouse time. Away from the children and away from the hustle and bustle of grown up life.

Answer 2

This is a question that needs more details but I will assume that you are talking of two people in love for years but not living together before marriage. Most people will bring out their best behavior to try to impress the other partner during courting. But to know someone and live with them is never the same. It may be that one is carefree while the other is not. Maybe not living together they had their own private time to take care of their misguided acts. Once married, the rules change. Another factor might be the fact that one partner feels that since they are married, there should be more commitment to each other and this then tends to lean on the borders of being possessive. This will lead to love turning into hate cause one partner did not expect this from the other. Another factor is that people tend to think that once they get married everything is set so they get lacks in the relationship and stop trying to be Mr/Mrs Right to the other person. Guess that's why they say that the first five years of marriage are usually the hardest cause we have to flex to the other person's needs and desires to gain compatibility

Answer 3

Most likely they really never should have married in the first place, they had a basic incompatibility that they either didn't realize or knew about and hoped it would not be an issue but it was. A lot of people want to get married on a certain timeline and they really don't put enough thought and time into finding the right partner. Also a lot of people choose a partner based on either looks or common interests/hobbies. But those are not good predictors of success. It is most important to have matching values and a lot of people don't discuss values, and don't notice the big difference until its too late, a year or more into the marriage. It can only get worse with time.

Answer 4

Alot of responses are really good. But heres my view. You start the whole dating scene and its all new, can't get enough of each other. Your so busy falling in love that nothing else matters. THEN, you take the next step which is marriage, life changes after that. Your concentrating on making a life, working, having kids, paying bills that the love you found in each other is kinda pushed to the backburner and then dissolves. The reality of life breaks couples apart becaue the falling in love part is gone and life takes over.

Answer 5

Because after marriage, their expectations for each other have changed. They also stop communicating effectively, get lazy in working on their marriage because they feel they don't have to try anymore and basically take each other for granted. They become too familiar with each other and their faults become more magnified as they now live under the same roof.

Answer 6

They forget to communicate with each other. Lives get busy and each ends up doing their own thing. Pretty soon the passionate kisses are replaced with pecks on the cheek if at all.

Take the bull by the horns and keep the passion alive!

Answer 7

I don't it's that they hate eachother, i think they are scared of the thought of marriage! Like the thought of being held down.

Answer 8

Time for something new, or too many years of lies, cheating pent up anger or aggression. I would move on and start fresh.

Answer 9

By getting married.

Answer 10

They weren't ready for marriage,no matter how long they were in love.